All Those Things I Still Remember

I ran around, frantically trying to make sure that everything was in order. I had left Melody with Pete and Frank, which may have been a bad idea on my part, but they offered to take her, and I was in no position to refuse. I turned the corner and collided with Jimmy.

“You scared the shit out of me…”I muttered. He laughed quietly.

“It was not my intention, I assure you, ”he smiled at me. I nodded, and resumed my frantic scurrying. “So, why are you still panicking? I told you it was all taken care of. I just called Mikey and he’s picking up the cake. Everyone is on their way. This will be perfect. You need to calm down a little bit.” I nodded slowly, and stopped my frantic movement. I turned to face him and sighed.

“I just… I never really had a good birthday… So, I want to make sure that she can’t ever say that…”I said softly. He pulled me into a hug and laughed quietly.

“Yeah, I know. Wanna know what I think? I think you spoil her a bit too much, ”he said thoughtfully, resting his chin on my head. I nodded slowly.

“I know. I know. I just don’t know what to do. I want her to never have to experience anything that I had to… I think that if Josh was here, he’d be telling me to beat her ass, ”I laughed quietly. He nodded.

“You probably should. It’ll be fine though. Just, calm down. For me?”

“Alright, I will, ”I said, wrapping my arms around his waist. “You’re amazing, Mr. Sullivan.”

“Hmm…. Is that so?” I nodded. “Well, can I ask you something?” I nodded again. “If you weren’t with Mikey, would you ever consider me?” I looked up at him.

“Consider you as what?”

“I don’t know. A boyfriend, husband, lover. I don’t know. Just, would you?” He asked. I thought this over for a minute. He was my rock when I started to fall. He really kept me going when everything was going wrong. I bit my lip and thought about how to answer his question.

“Jimmy, you are one of the best friends that anyone could ever have. And, if I weren’t with him, no. I wouldn’t consider you, because there would be no considering necessary. I love you. You are amazing, and you’ll find someone. And who knows? Maybe things won’t work out with me and Mikey. Not saying that I hope they don’t. I just, I don’t want to lose you. So, don’t think of this is a rejection. It’s really not… I just… I don’t know. I love you though, ”I smiled softly. He nodded understandingly.

“Okay, you won’t lose me. I was just curious, ”he finally replied after a couple of minutes. I hugged him tightly, and I was just about to say something when the doorbell rang. I looked up at him nervously and he smiled. “It’ll be fine, Ash. Just be calm, for me.” I nodded and went to open the door. Mikey came inside with the cake, followed by Gerard and Lindsey, and the Academy of Avenged Green Boys, minus Pete. Ray and Bob came in after them and they all made a stack of gifts in the corner. Finally, the doorbell rang and I heard Pete’s laughter. I opened the door and as soon as she stepped inside, everyone shouted “Happy Birthday!” She didn’t move for a minute. Finally, she smiled and bowed gracefully.

“Thank you all so very much for this wonderful surprise, ”she said sweetly. I laughed and looked to Mikey.

“Please tell me that you caught that on tape, ”I begged. He nodded, smiling at me. I turned to Jimmy, who was watching me with a smile playing his lips. I smiled at him, before turning my attention back to Melody. She looked up at me and smiled broadly.

“Mama, what are we going to do now?” She asked innocently. I looked to Mikey and shrugged.

“What do you want to do?” I asked her, knowing exactly what she wanted to do. She looked from the cake on the table to the gifts in the corner.

“Hmm, ”she said thoughtfully. “I think… I think I want cake.” I smiled and nodded. I then served everyone cake. After the cake was gone, she smiled. “Okay, now I want my presents.” I laughed and nodded. I sat in Mikey’s lap as everyone gave her their gifts, one by one. She squealed with delight with each present. After all of the presents were opened and the wrapping paper cleaned up, she walked around, thanking everyone ‘from the bottom of her heart.’ I shook my head and laughed. After a while, everyone left, except Jimmy. Mikey carried Melody to bed while Jimmy and I cleaned up.

“Thanks for the help, ”I said quietly. He just nodded and I smiled at him. “I meant what I said earlier. I do love you.” He bit his lip and nodded.

“Walk me to my car?” He said quietly. I nodded and followed him out the front door. I closed it behind me and followed him down the steps to his car. We stopped just outside the driver’s door and he turned to face me. “Permission to do something?” I nodded slowly, uncertain of what exactly he wanted to do that he needed permission for. He leaned down and kissed my cheek. I felt butterflies erupt in my chest and he pulled away, smiling faintly. “Just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to hit me for it.”

“I wouldn’t have hit you, ”I muttered. He raised a brow. “That felt nice…”He smiled before opening the car door.

“Well, I’m holding on to that ‘if things don’t work out’, ”he said quietly. I nodded and he got in the car. I watched as he pulled away and I sighed.

“I am too, Jimmy. I am too.”