Drowning in a River of Denial

“I’m hungry,” I finally announced after Zack and Flyzik had backed off, their mothering ceasing at least for a bit.

“Yeah, we should get some food!” Zack replied happily. I smiled at the bassist and looked at Matt, who nodded. I looked around.

“Where’s Alex and Jack?” I asked. They shrugged. I pushed myself off the couch, which made them reach for me protectively. I ignored them and headed towards Alex’s closed bedroom door. I should’ve knocked. I wouldn’t have seen what I did. Jack was on top of Alex, with Alex’s legs wrapped around his waist. Alex was gripped Jack’s hair and they were playing tonsil hockey. Jack’s hands gripped Alex’s ass and they were moaning.

My heart broke and dropped into my gut as the door hit the wall. Alex’s head snapped towards me, breaking the kiss.

“Rian,” he breathed.

I swallowed my pain and managed, “We’re going out for dinner, if you two were interested.”

I turned and left, leaving the pair to decide if they wanted to continue eating each other’s faces or join us.

“Ri?” Zack put his hand on my shoulder and looked at me, his eyes staring almost directly into my soul.

“Just walked in on Jack and Alex going at it,” I answered, trying to act like I wasn’t affected, just a little freaked out.

“Oh. And here I thought Jack was straight,” Zack chuckled. No one really thinks that either, just like no one thought Alex was completely straight. He thought it was such a surprise, but come on, he’s one of the least heterosexual men I’ve ever met.

“Sure, you did,” I laughed and he smiled at me. I could always count on Zack to cheer me up, even if it’s just one small smile.

“Hey faggots! Let’s go!” Flyzik called, standing just outside Alex’s bedroom door. There was some rustling and the couple appeared, still a little rumpled. Jack had serious sex hair, from where Alex had been gripping it. I shook my head and turned my head away as Jack reached up to flatten the mess.

Zack tugged me out of the apartment and away from them.

“Talk to me,” he said as we walked slowly down the stairs.

“I’m fucked up, Zack,” I said quietly as we got outside into the cool Baltimore air.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because I… promise you won’t tell a soul!”

He stuck out his pinky with a reassuring smile. I hooked mine around him and he grinned.

“You know I would never. You have my word, man,” he replied. I knew he wouldn’t. He wasn’t that kind of guy. I could trust him with this.

“I like Alex. A lot.”

“So Jack and Alex is like, a punch in the gut.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, something like that.”

“I’m sorry, man. That’s rough.”

“Worst part is that Alex and I, we-” I started when the door behind us opened and Flyzik waltzed out, Jack and Alex in tow. They weren’t touching. Actually, they were standing three feet apart and Jack looked a bit dejected. Alex, though, was bright red with embarrassment and his eyes were downcast as they walked to us.

“Ready?” Matt asked, clapping his hands together. Alex jumped and looked at the manager with wide, frightened eyes.

“Yeah,” I said and headed for the largest car in the parking lot, Flyzik’s massive Land Rover. Alex glanced at me and then turned his eyes away.

Good, he should be ashamed. I won’t put up with that shit, even if we aren’t a so-called quote unquote couple. If he wanted Jack, more power to him but he wasn’t dragging me along with them, hoping I’ll be okay with it.