Drowning in a River of Denial
Better Sex When You Have To Sneak Around.
“Tell me the truth, Rian,” I said, lying on my side and dancing my fingers across the drummer’s bare chest. He looked up at me, his eyes sleepy.
“About what?” he croaked out, his voice dry and scratchy.
“Us. Do you want to be together? Like this?” I asked, running my other hand across the side of his head, the short strands tickling my palm.
“I love this, Lex, I really do,” he said quietly.
“But?”
“But I’m scared.”
“Of what? Getting hurt? I promise I won’t hurt you,” I said, kissing the corner of his lips.
“No, it’s not that.”
“Then what?”
He sighed and turned his face away from me. He didn’t speak for awhile and neither did I. I didn’t want to push him any further. But I was so curious. I wanted to know. Why was he so scared, if it wasn’t of getting hurt? I knew if it were me, I’d be scared shitless of Rian leaving me or deciding that I wasn’t good enough.
Finally after close to half an hour, and I was sure that he’d fallen asleep, he said, “What if someone finds out? I mean, I love being with you. But my family…”
He trailed off and it became clear. His family wouldn’t be okay with us, or at least that’s what he was afraid of. He loved his family. His mother and his step-father were important to him.
“I see,” I said softly. He turned to look at me.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized. I leaned down and kissed him, gently and sweetly. He sighed and I rested my forehead against his.
“Don’t worry about it. You can tell them whenever you want. I’m okay with keeping this a secret,” I said and put my lips against his ear, “Better sex when you have to sneak around.”
He turned a bright red as I pulled away with a smirk.
“Shut up,” he grumbled. I kissed him again, deepening it quickly by swinging my leg over Rian’s waist and straddling him. He moaned as I grinded on him almost immediately. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and so began the dance for dominance.
“About what?” he croaked out, his voice dry and scratchy.
“Us. Do you want to be together? Like this?” I asked, running my other hand across the side of his head, the short strands tickling my palm.
“I love this, Lex, I really do,” he said quietly.
“But?”
“But I’m scared.”
“Of what? Getting hurt? I promise I won’t hurt you,” I said, kissing the corner of his lips.
“No, it’s not that.”
“Then what?”
He sighed and turned his face away from me. He didn’t speak for awhile and neither did I. I didn’t want to push him any further. But I was so curious. I wanted to know. Why was he so scared, if it wasn’t of getting hurt? I knew if it were me, I’d be scared shitless of Rian leaving me or deciding that I wasn’t good enough.
Finally after close to half an hour, and I was sure that he’d fallen asleep, he said, “What if someone finds out? I mean, I love being with you. But my family…”
He trailed off and it became clear. His family wouldn’t be okay with us, or at least that’s what he was afraid of. He loved his family. His mother and his step-father were important to him.
“I see,” I said softly. He turned to look at me.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized. I leaned down and kissed him, gently and sweetly. He sighed and I rested my forehead against his.
“Don’t worry about it. You can tell them whenever you want. I’m okay with keeping this a secret,” I said and put my lips against his ear, “Better sex when you have to sneak around.”
He turned a bright red as I pulled away with a smirk.
“Shut up,” he grumbled. I kissed him again, deepening it quickly by swinging my leg over Rian’s waist and straddling him. He moaned as I grinded on him almost immediately. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and so began the dance for dominance.