Drowning in a River of Denial
Alex Was Supposed To Watch Him!
When we got to the hospital, we were greeted by Rian’s family and Flyzik. Rian’s mom was the first to sweep me into a bone-crushing hug as she sobbed into my chest. I shushed her and rubbed soothing concentric circles into her shoulder blade.
“What happened?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I had to reply. “Rian didn’t tell anyone he was leaving.”
“I trusted you to take care of my little boy, Alexander!” she snapped, pulling away. I stared down at my feet.
“Karen,” her husband came to her side and soothed her. “Rian is a big boy now.”
“I don’t care! Alex was supposed to watch him, and make sure he didn’t do anything stupid!”
I bit my lip and tried not to start crying. I’d cried too much already. I didn’t need to shed anymore tears.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Sorry? You’re sorry? My Rian is laying in that hospital bed, comatose and all you can say is sorry?”
“Karen,” Flyzik breezed over and pulled Rian’s mom gently away. He spoke softly, as calmly as Matthew Flyzik could be in a crisis. He brought her away from hysterics and sat her in a chair. Her husband sat beside her and I watched as the two men consoled her. I turned to Jack who was sat down in his own chair, curled up. I just wanted to see Rian. I wanted to fight with him and screw around with him, kiss him up against the fridge door and beg him to stay with me. I wanted so badly just to see him, up and around and awake. I wanted him to storm out and tear into me, screaming at me for letting things go so far with that guy. That guy, who’s name I couldn’t even fucking remember. I know I know him. I know that he’s a friend. But I couldn’t remember his name, or his face. It was becoming a blur, the more time that passed since.
Quite some time later, the doctor came to talk to Rian’s mom and step-dad. I watched as David, her husband, wrapped an arm around her and comforted her. The doctor led the couple out of the waiting room, leaving the rest of us behind and so we continued to wait.
“Alex, come sit down,” Matt said, guiding me to one of the cold hard plastic chairs.
“I don’t want to sit. I want to see Rian,” I groaned but sat anyway. I looked towards Jack, still wrapped up in himself, catatonic. “I really just want to burst into his room and find out what’s going on.”
“You don’t even know where his room is!”
“I can bet you it’s in intensive care,” I replied.
“Take a nap, Alex. I’m wake you up if we’re let in.”
I looked at the tour manager and nodded. He handed me his hoodie with a smile, letting me curl myself into the plastic chairs and close my eyes. I actually let myself sleep, even though I was going to wake up with a horrible hangover and even worse guilt.
“What happened?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I had to reply. “Rian didn’t tell anyone he was leaving.”
“I trusted you to take care of my little boy, Alexander!” she snapped, pulling away. I stared down at my feet.
“Karen,” her husband came to her side and soothed her. “Rian is a big boy now.”
“I don’t care! Alex was supposed to watch him, and make sure he didn’t do anything stupid!”
I bit my lip and tried not to start crying. I’d cried too much already. I didn’t need to shed anymore tears.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Sorry? You’re sorry? My Rian is laying in that hospital bed, comatose and all you can say is sorry?”
“Karen,” Flyzik breezed over and pulled Rian’s mom gently away. He spoke softly, as calmly as Matthew Flyzik could be in a crisis. He brought her away from hysterics and sat her in a chair. Her husband sat beside her and I watched as the two men consoled her. I turned to Jack who was sat down in his own chair, curled up. I just wanted to see Rian. I wanted to fight with him and screw around with him, kiss him up against the fridge door and beg him to stay with me. I wanted so badly just to see him, up and around and awake. I wanted him to storm out and tear into me, screaming at me for letting things go so far with that guy. That guy, who’s name I couldn’t even fucking remember. I know I know him. I know that he’s a friend. But I couldn’t remember his name, or his face. It was becoming a blur, the more time that passed since.
Quite some time later, the doctor came to talk to Rian’s mom and step-dad. I watched as David, her husband, wrapped an arm around her and comforted her. The doctor led the couple out of the waiting room, leaving the rest of us behind and so we continued to wait.
“Alex, come sit down,” Matt said, guiding me to one of the cold hard plastic chairs.
“I don’t want to sit. I want to see Rian,” I groaned but sat anyway. I looked towards Jack, still wrapped up in himself, catatonic. “I really just want to burst into his room and find out what’s going on.”
“You don’t even know where his room is!”
“I can bet you it’s in intensive care,” I replied.
“Take a nap, Alex. I’m wake you up if we’re let in.”
I looked at the tour manager and nodded. He handed me his hoodie with a smile, letting me curl myself into the plastic chairs and close my eyes. I actually let myself sleep, even though I was going to wake up with a horrible hangover and even worse guilt.