A Safe Bet

It had been two days since Harlow had spoken to her mother.

It had been five days since she had spoken to John.

He didn’t call her, text her, and in Psych he hadn’t even bothered to show up. When she saw him at school his eyes would be red and she wondered if he was intoxicated on most days—it made her feel sick.

Harlow slammed her locker open and sighed, placing her books into the metal box. She caught sight of herself in the small mirror she had placed in there at the beginning of the year; she had black bags under her eyes and she just looked…sad. She sighed and rubbed her temples whilst grabbing a bottle of pills and throwing two down her throat dry.

She glanced back in her mirror and froze when she did. She saw an awfully familiar boy standing not too far behind her with his hands on a girl’s waist, toying with her shirt playfully while giving her that smirk that Harlow was falling so hard for. She tried not to cry but she could feel the tears coming…God, when did she become this girl that was so dependent?

A few months ago a guy hadn’t ever been in the picture; all she needed was herself and Aimee, but now John was like a drug to her. If she didn’t talk to him she would think all day about texting him. Each time he avoided her gaze in the hallways she literally wanted to just grab him and hold him until he had no choice but to hold her back. She felt like she was crumbling at his whim.

He was breaking her, the girl who thought she was made of stone.

Harlow closed her eyes and shut her locker door, taking a deep breath before opening them again only to be met by a boy staring back at her. She gave him a weak smile as he hugged her carefully, “Hey Halvo,” she sighed.

“You all right?” He asked, sounding like he was genuinely worried about her.

She shrugged her shoulders and leaned against the metal lockers behind her, “I’ve been better.”

“Are you guys in a fight…or?” Eric asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

Again, she shrugged. “We never really defined anything…so I have no idea where we stand honestly.” Harlow let her eyes drift back to the boy who was shamelessly flirting with Kara Brookings right in front of her. It was almost as if he was having fun knowing that she was hurting like this.

“Ignore him,” Halvo said gently. “He’s being an ass.”

She nodded her head silently, “Yeah he is.”

He gave her a sympathetic grin before kissing the crown of her head softly and moving his lips to her ear, “This has got to make him jealous.”

Harlow laughed softly before thanking Eric and watching him walk over to his fling of the week Justine. She puffed up her hair and put on some lip gloss before taking a brave step to the boy that had been avoiding her next week.

He was turned around in his locker when she tapped his shoulder lightly. His smile faded as he looked at her and he was instantly uneasy. God, she hated this.

She took a deep breath, “Hi, John.”

John ran a hand through his hair nervously and looked anywhere but her before answering with a soft, “Hey.”

They stood awkwardly for a moment not looking at one other before Harlow finally scoffed and turned on her heel. She couldn’t believe how immature he was being about this. She thought he had changed—she thought he was growing, but there he was flirting with girls and once again acting like he never knew her.

Was she just a game to him or something?

*

Harlow lay back on her bed attempting to read her book; she couldn’t see the font though because her eyes were so clouded with tears. Finally she laid the book of her bed and rolled onto her side pulling the covers over her head.

She wasn’t sure what she was more upset about—the fact that John was being so rude to her or the fact that it was bugging her so much. She had been so much happier lately with him. She had friends, and she went out on weekends; she felt so much more alive.

It was hard to go back to being a recluse.

Harlow listened as someone knocked on her door and she ignored them, assuming they’d come in anyways. Her door opened but she stayed under her sheets; she didn’t want anyone to see her like this. This wasn’t her.

Harlow Peterson was smart, strong, wise. She didn’t fall to pieces over dumb boys. But here she was.

“Har, come out,” Elena sighed, sitting on the edge of her bed and patting her silhouette lightly.

“No,” she mumbled, closing her eyes and wiping mascara off her cheeks.

She heard her twin sister sigh and within a few seconds her bed sheets were being lifted and Elena had crawled in with her, giving her a sympathetic smile. “What’s going on Harlow?” She shrugged simply, afraid that if she spoke she would start crying again. Elena frowned and wiped some makeup off of her cheek, “Did John do something to you?”

Harlow bit her lip and nodded her head, “Not anything…like that, but emotionally yeah.”

Her sister sighed, “Let it out, hun.”

That’s when the tears really started falling. She told Elena about the dinner, about the harsh words that their mother said, how badly it hurt when he left without a goodbye—but she also told her about everything else. She told her about how John gave her butterflies, and how when they had conversation she actually felt understood by someone other than Aimee, about how quickly she was falling.

Elena held her tight and for the first time in years, Harlow felt like her sister was back—that maybe the bond they used to share had never really severed.

“Can I be honest with you, Har?”

She nodded her head, terrified about what her sister was going to say. Things didn’t usually go well when started like that.

“I think he’s genuinely just terrified of you,” she said gently. “He’s not good enough for you, and he knows it. No one is good enough for you—that’s just how it is.”

“But that’s not true…I’m not that special,” Harlow whispered, tears pouring down her cheeks.

“Yes Harlow, you’re perfect…”

“No I’m fucking not!” She exclaimed, her anger shutting her sister up. “I’m so sick of everyone talking about how perfect I am, Elena. I’m not perfect—I work fucking hard to get those grades it doesn’t just come to me. I work hard to make friends. You are perfect! You don’t have to work hard to get people to like you. You don’t have to work hard to look beautiful! You barely wear makeup. I wish I could be like you…people love you.”

Elena stared at her silently as tears poured down her own cheeks. “Harlow, don’t sell yourself for less than you’re worth. I would give anything to be you. You’re the whole package, baby girl.”

The two girls cried and held each other for hours, their broken hearts slowly becoming numb. For once Harlow felt like she was equal to her sister—they were both so insecure because of each other, she wasn’t alone in this.

“I’ve got to go somewhere real fast, kay? I’ll be back later. Maybe we can watch Gilmore Girls or something like we used to, yeah?” Elena smile weakly, getting out of the bed and walking to the door.

“Elena,” Harlow called, just before the girl walked out the door.

“Yeah?” She asked, looking at her sympathetically.

“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, you know,” she said simply, watching her sister’s face instantly look hopeful again. And with one last glance, she was gone.

*

Even with his eyes closed shut the sunlight peeking in through John’s blinds felt as though it was blinding him. He groaned and rolled his back to the window, opening them to find a note with cursive script on his pillow.

I had fun last night. Call me sometime big guy (; xoxo Kara

John smiled and stretched out feeling a little bit of soreness in his bones. He checked his phone reading through texts from his friends, frowning when he realized that one name was missing, and then scolding himself for missing her.

He didn’t need her. What her mom said was right. Harlow was too good for him; it would never work, right?

But God, he wanted it to. Even last night when Kara was on top of him he was unable to control his thoughts. Yes, the sec felt good—of course it did, but it didn’t feel right. Kara wasn’t right. Her lips didn’t taste like mint and her hair didn’t smell like strawberries. Her body didn’t fit into his side just right and her eyes were too dark; she wasn’t Harlow Peterson and he didn’t like it.

John sighed and closed his eyes, letting his thoughts get the best of him.

He was doing so well. His grades had gotten better, his mom was actually proud of him, his friends loved Harlow, and he always had a smile on his face. His life had gotten better. Everything was just—god, better. He didn’t know how else to explain it.

But within an hour everything had managed to turn back to shit and he let it. It was entirely his fault but he honestly didn’t know how to fix it.

John’s door suddenly burst open and a blonde girl stormed in—one that looked amazingly like Harlow. “Elena,” he groaned whilst pulling his sheets farther over his naked body. “What the fuck?”

She threw a pair of boxers at him and instructed him to put them on as she picked up a red bra from his floor and rolled her eyes, mumbling a soft ‘seriously?’ under her breath.

John got dressed and sat on the edge of his bed looking at the angry girl as she put her hands on her hips. “What can I do for you?” He asked cockily, pretending like he didn’t know why she was there.

“Don’t give me that shit,” Elena exclaimed, shoving her finger in his face. “You know why I’m here and I know for a fact that you feel like an ass about it so don’t even try to play that game with me, kiddo.”

John’s confident façade faded and a frown formed on his face. He ran a hand through his hair and looked up at the girl nervously. “How is she?”

Elena sighed and her hands fell to her sides, “A mess.”

He took a deep breath and covered his face, frowning, “Shit.”

The girl bit her lip and looked like she was holding back tears as she broadened her shoulders and pretended to seem tough. “Look, John,” she began, looking straight at him; her eyes weren’t as pretty as Harlow’s. “I know you, okay? I know your rep and I’ve seen it first hand with half of my friends and I’m just here to say one thing and you listen to me: either make things right or give her a proper goodbye. Give her something. You’re the only boy she’s ever trusted—and why she picked you of all people, I don’t know.

“And honestly yes, it’s because she is better than you, and she deserves a hell of a lot better, sure. But you know what? She wants you. You make her feel things she never even dreamed of and somehow, you’re making her fall in love with you. And I swear to fucking God, John O’Callaghan if you hurt her, I will hurt you. So figure your shit out.”

John stared up at the girl with his heart racing. How could Harlow still want him? God, she was crying over him? The thought made him cringe.

“Is she home?”

Elena nodded her head with her arms crossed. John jumped out of bed and put some clothes on before giving the girl a quick hug and heading to the nearest flower shop.

Maybe getting a second chance would be asking for too much, but he was going to give it a shot.