Before I Wake

I'd never really thought about how I would die. There's this whole story about how your whole life flashes before your eyes, but it doesn't. The only thing that flashed before my eyes were the happiest moments. And the only thing I remember was the warm feeling spreading slowly from the top of my head down to my legs. And people shouting my name, shouting it so much that it became a beautiful song.

Most people would be angry about dying, but I wasn't. You see in the grand scheme of life, everything happens for a reason. Although I only lived a short twenty-three years on Earth, I felt like I didn't miss out on anything. Because I had everything, everything I could have ever wanted.

I didn't know when I would die. I didn't see it coming. But the last day of my life was an amazing one. The thing I prayed for now was that Cesc could get over my death. Dying wasn't fair to me, but my death certainly wasn't fair to him.

______

I woke up to the most annoying and most endearing sounds: the sharp chirp of the alarm clock and the soft snoring of Cesc Fàbregas. I reached over him and slammed my fist on the clock successfully shutting it off. For God knows what reason, Cesc slept through it. I bumped his shoulder and he started to slowly open his eyes. His met mine, and the corners of his mouth formed into a smile.

"Hi," he said quietly as he moved closer to me.

"Hi," I whispered back. He leaned in a little and attempted to kiss me. I put my hand up his mouth and shook my head, "in your dreams."

"Kay!" He groaned at me and started to get up, "I hate when you lead me on!"

"Lead you on," I scoffed and got up too, "what a drama queen!"

"Shut up," he rolled his eyes at me and came over and grabbed my hands and kissed me softly on the lips, "I win."

"Shut up," I stuck out my tongue and headed for the bathroom to get ready to start the day. Cesc had an important game that afternoon and I knew he was really freaking out, although he'd never admit it to me.

I had a busy morning of doing some photo shoots that I had booked, and then I was off to Cesc's game, along with my best friend Ellie, to support not only Cesc, but also my little brother Jack.

"Kay, I'm worried about tonight, especially after Barcelona," he sighed and started pulling on his clothes. I had my toothbrush jammed in my mouth and couldn't respond, so he went on, "I don't know. Things can't get any worse can they? They can only go up from here...I hope."

I spit and washed the remnants of my toothpaste down the sink and walked over to him, "you will be fine. You can't lose your faith in what you're doing. One little hiccup on a long road of smooth sailing is not something to agonize over. Life goes on."

He smiled and kissed the top of my head, "what would I do without you, Kaelyn Wilshire?"

"You'd be a broken man," I laughed and encouraged him to hurry up or the both of us would be late. I watched him and wondered what I would do without him. At that time I didn't know that I would soon have to face that reality.

He finished, grabbed his bag and came back over to me, "I'll see you tonight, my love. I can't wait to see you."

"Don't worry, I'll be there," I smiled at him and he grabbed his water bottle off the kitchen counter and walked to the door.

"I love you," he smiled shyly.

"Times a million," I closed the door after his retreating back and smiled to myself. I must have been the luckiest girl in the whole world.

______

I started packing my own bag, looking down at the address I was needed at when my phone rang. The familiar sound of Lady Gaga made me smile as I realized it was the one and only Ellie calling.

"Hello there, love," I could feel her smiling through the receiver.

"'Ello darling. Are you almost ready? I'll be there in five minutes. Meet you outside, yeah?" One of the perks of the job? Having my best friend as my assistant. I couldn't think of anything better.

"I'll be there, no worries," I laughed at her and hung up. I grabbed my purse and gathered up the rest of my things as I lugged it outside and waited for Ellie.

The sound of her car's roaring engine pulled up to the front of the house and I couldn't help the smile on my face.

"Let's go then," she rolled down the window and waved me in.

"Hold your horses then, nobody's gonna die if we're a few minutes late," I rolled my eyes and got into the passenger seat.

"We are professionals, aren't we?"

"Young professionals," I offered and she snorted with laughter. That's one thing I loved about my best friend: no matter how serious she was, she always saw the humor in life, and of course made me smile.

"Nonetheless," Ellie chuckled and pressed down harder on the gas, heading as fast as she could to the client's house, where they had a spectacular garden for the shoot.

______

"This is absolutely wonderful," the garden was so beautiful, it almost took my breath away. It was the kind of place that I always wanted in the future; where I had always imagined Cesc and I would raise our children.

"Thank you," a woman stepped out from behind one of the willow trees, some small kids trailing after her, and she looking very pregnant, “I’m Alissa, and these are three of my children.”

"Nice to meet you. I could see why you would want the shoot here," I commented as Ellie and I started unpacking.

"We thought it was perfect too," she smiled and sat down on one of the stone benches, "especially for our growing family."

"Seems like you've got your hands full," the three young kids surrounded their mother as though she were a goddess...which she actually looked like she could have been.

"Yeah...but these little guys make everything better," she grinned at them, "do you have any?"

I felt my cheeks start to redden as I shook my head, "not yet."

"Are you seeing anyone?"

"You could say that," I blushed even harder and tried to avoid her questions.

"Obviously you are very smitten," she grinned at me.

"He's absolutely wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without him," it was true. Without Cesc I'd probably be lost.

______

"She was a little nosy, wasn't she?" Ellie wrinkled her nose as we headed towards Arsenal's stadium for the night's game.

"I don't think she meant to be," I liked the woman, however nosey she was. She seemed to mean well.

"Still,"

"Oh shut up," I laughed at her. She pulled into the main parking look of the stadium and found no spots, "now we're gonna have to walk .22 miles!"

"It's not my fault," she retorted as she turned out of the lot, "it didn't take me forever to pick out an outfit!"

"I wanted to look nice," I muttered looking away.

"Cesc won't leave you if you don't have the perfect outfit," she rolled her eyes as she glided into an empty spot.

"I'm not responding to that," it was my turn to roll my eyes as we started our walk. Traffic wasn't too bad, so we didn't really pay attention to it.

That's when it happened.

As we waited to cross the last cross walk, I saw a woman, obviously very pregnant start to cross. The light had already changed and flashed red again, indicating that no one should cross. That's when I started the car coming, and the woman didn't. I just knew that she was going to make it in time.

That's when instinct took over. I rushed out into the street and pushed her back onto the sidewalk. She staggered and fell on her behind, but she made it.

I didn't.

As I heard her scream of surprise, I heard another scream - my own. I left something snap and before I knew it, my whole body was warm and numb and all I could hear were people shouting my name.

That's how I died. Totally unplanned to me, but in the grand plan life had for all of us, it had been planned all along.

______

Cesc won the game that night. He didn't find out about me until after the game when I didn't rush to find him and he only came across Ellie's red face shining with tears telling him I was dead.

His reaction was the worst of all. Like it wasn't only me that had died, but a part of him too. He, Ellie and Jack went to the hospital and found out what happened to me: all the gory details. They also came across the woman whose life I had saved. She was rattled, but she was okay. And thankful. And to me, that was all that mattered.

I knew it would take time for everyone to get over my death. It took me a while too, but as with everything, life goes on. People laugh, people cry, and we go on. That's what life is all about.

______

Things have changed since I've died. My brother Jack started a foundation in my honor - to support all those good people who fearlessly do things for others. Ellie, always and forever my best friend took over my position and expanded our photography business. And Cesc?

Well, that's a whole different story.

He and the girl whose life that I had saved were spending more and more time together. She had her baby last week - she even her after me! Who would have thought that I would ever have someone named after me?!

Cesc was slowly moving on. He was more focused on football than ever, but he now took the time out to appreciate the little things in life. Because beauty can be found in even the simplest things in life.

I didn't think I would die at twenty-three. But I wasn't upset, because I had what so many people never did. The love of the most amazing man in the world - Cesc Fàbregas.