Midnight ***er
Chapter 22
I looked at him and swallowed hard as I tried to find the right things to say. Silence descended between us and trust me when I say it was an awkward one. Both of us had admitted feelings for the other even though it was different for both of us. I was very much in love with him and I didn’t doubt that but he doubted it remained true for him. That made me cringe inside but I couldn’t blame him after all I had done. His words had hammered home exactly how my actions had hurt him. I wanted nothing more than to hug him right about now and heap yet more apologies on him but something about the way he was sitting told me he wouldn’t welcome contact. I latched my fingers around my knees instead and continued staring. “Frank, I can’t blame you for hating me right now,” I mumbled in the end to break the silence if nothing else, “I hate myself.”
Frank rose his eyes to mine and all I saw flash in them was anger. “I should hate you for stealing her and if I had the strength I would kill you myself.”
“I won’t fight you.”
“I don’t mean physical strength,” he whispered and then I saw pain in his eyes. “Gerard you are… was my best friend and that’s what makes this hard. You betrayed me so much that I don’t know who you are anymore.”
“I am still me,” I mewed.
Frank shook his head, “No, no baby you’re not,” he sighed. “The man I knew would never have let me suffer like you did and that’s partly why I was falling for him. He was selfless and killing Jamia out of jealousy proves to me that you are selfish. You have changed Gerard and the question I face now is by how much?”
“I don’t know,” I said knowing that he was right. I had become selfish and rarely thought of other people and their needs. Well, I thought of Frank often enough but his needs didn’t come into that. I went to stand, “Look, I should just go and leave you…”
Frank’s hand grabbed my wrist to stop me, “Let me finish,” as I sat down again he retracted his hand. “You did do one selfless thing and until tonight I didn’t know how selfless that was.”
“Oh?” I didn’t know what he was referring too.
“You turned me down when I all but threw myself at you,” he continued. “That took great strength considering how you feel and I admire you for it. I mean, sure I felt rejected at the time but you did the right thing and I am grateful.”
“I didn’t want to see regret in your eyes whenever you looked at me,” I replied, “but even that shows I was thinking about me and not you.”
“It must have been difficult so, thank you,” Frank smiled at me, “maybe not all of what I remember has died.”
“I…”
“You are not forgiven or anything so don’t get your hopes up but… thank you for not taking advantage of me. I wish things were different Gerard and I knew what my feelings were,” he got to his feet, “Love and hate run through me in equal amounts when I look at you and…”
“Frank I don’t want to make this difficult for you,” I got to my feet and faced him. “We should just go our separate ways and…,” without warning he hurled himself into my arms, “Frank?”
“I want you so much but why did you have to kill her?” he was crying against me and I held him gently. “Can vampires cry?”
I blinked at the random question, “In my experience, no.”
“Then stop my tears.”
I froze, “What?”
“Make me one of you; make me yours,” Frank tilted his head and wrapped his arms around me to drag himself closer. “I need this to move on and I want to move on with you so turn me.”
Frank rose his eyes to mine and all I saw flash in them was anger. “I should hate you for stealing her and if I had the strength I would kill you myself.”
“I won’t fight you.”
“I don’t mean physical strength,” he whispered and then I saw pain in his eyes. “Gerard you are… was my best friend and that’s what makes this hard. You betrayed me so much that I don’t know who you are anymore.”
“I am still me,” I mewed.
Frank shook his head, “No, no baby you’re not,” he sighed. “The man I knew would never have let me suffer like you did and that’s partly why I was falling for him. He was selfless and killing Jamia out of jealousy proves to me that you are selfish. You have changed Gerard and the question I face now is by how much?”
“I don’t know,” I said knowing that he was right. I had become selfish and rarely thought of other people and their needs. Well, I thought of Frank often enough but his needs didn’t come into that. I went to stand, “Look, I should just go and leave you…”
Frank’s hand grabbed my wrist to stop me, “Let me finish,” as I sat down again he retracted his hand. “You did do one selfless thing and until tonight I didn’t know how selfless that was.”
“Oh?” I didn’t know what he was referring too.
“You turned me down when I all but threw myself at you,” he continued. “That took great strength considering how you feel and I admire you for it. I mean, sure I felt rejected at the time but you did the right thing and I am grateful.”
“I didn’t want to see regret in your eyes whenever you looked at me,” I replied, “but even that shows I was thinking about me and not you.”
“It must have been difficult so, thank you,” Frank smiled at me, “maybe not all of what I remember has died.”
“I…”
“You are not forgiven or anything so don’t get your hopes up but… thank you for not taking advantage of me. I wish things were different Gerard and I knew what my feelings were,” he got to his feet, “Love and hate run through me in equal amounts when I look at you and…”
“Frank I don’t want to make this difficult for you,” I got to my feet and faced him. “We should just go our separate ways and…,” without warning he hurled himself into my arms, “Frank?”
“I want you so much but why did you have to kill her?” he was crying against me and I held him gently. “Can vampires cry?”
I blinked at the random question, “In my experience, no.”
“Then stop my tears.”
I froze, “What?”
“Make me one of you; make me yours,” Frank tilted his head and wrapped his arms around me to drag himself closer. “I need this to move on and I want to move on with you so turn me.”