Break Me Down

“Good morning munch kin.” Lilly heard and snapped her head over to the voice’s owner John and smiled. It was early in the morning and Lilly didn’t have time for a coffee that morning so wasn’t in a chatty mood. Lilly walked up the stairs and her heart skipped a beat when she saw the slightly on the short side male unpacking some things round the front lounge. His jeans had holes in the knees as always, leaving Lilly to wonder if he owned any pairs without. A The Smiths T-shirt clung to his not too skinny body with a denim jacket layered on top. A back trilby was perched on top of his messy brown hair, he never fixed it properly. Garrett turned round and his face instantly grew into a smile.

“Hey Lilly, Kenny said you’d be joining us.” His blue eyes sparkled with delight just like when he heard the news Lilly would be on tour. Garrett always loved spending time with Lilly; they were of a similar age and had very similar interests and could talk forever about nothing. When Garrett first met Lilly he looked at her the same way as everyone else did, a girl. Even though Garrett was only slightly younger than her but never saw her as a female until a year previous when she finally grew out of baggy jeans and her brother’s old T-shirts and started finding dresses and started experimenting with makeup and found what clothes fitted her hourglass figure.
Lilly nodded a response and Garrett smiled knowing Lilly wasn’t the most talkative person in the mornings and greeted Kennedy who had just come aboard their new home.

“Can’t believe how good the outside looks!” Kennedy gushed referring to the new outer paint job the bus had required for tour. Lilly internally lit up upon looking at the proud look in Kennedy’s eyes, he has achieved so much and loved what he did, and anyone who saw him on stage could tell you that. The small brunette retreated back the where the bunks were situated and grabbed the nearest free one to her which unbeknown to her was below Garrett’s bunk. She unpacked her necessities before throwing her clothes in a pile on the floor and climbing in to her bunk. Soon her suitcase would be thrown under the bus, everyone would be buzzing and talking in the front lounge discussing tour plans and excited feelings as the vehicle set off on its journey. Lilly just could not get excited about this tour however no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t find joy in anything anymore since the incident. Kennedy and she decided to call it the incident or that night, neither liked to talk about it much not even when she was made to see a professional in hospital. Lilly didn’t want her mood spoiling everyone else’s so decided the safest bet would to stay in her bunk until it was either time to eat or time to go in the venue. Once she was in a comfortable position Lilly looked up at the ceiling of her bunk and sighed, she knew this was meant to be a new start for her in a way and she tried to get excited but she couldn’t, sure she was excited for her brother and the band but for herself that was a different story.

“Hey stranger, it’s time to go in the venue.” Lilly looked to her left and instead of a green curtain her line of vision was taken up by Jared’s warming face.

“Thanks Jared, you okay?” Lilly asked climbing out of the bunk, her shoulders relaxed when Jared wrapped her up in a hug, she always liked it when Jared gave hugs because he was always firm and you didn’t get bones sticking in you like hugging John.

“Stoked but I’m not the important one here,” Jared mused letting Lilly go, Lilly nodded understanding what he meant and silently thanked no one in particular, grateful she had a handful of people who loved her. She had only kept in contact with her first year roommate from college; everyone else stopped talking to her either because they didn’t know what to say or they didn’t believe her. Lilly’s heart sunk like it always did when she remembered how she used to be, she was so carefree and happy; she yearned for that Lilly to come back. The petite female came back to reality when Kennedy handed her a bottle of water.

“It’s almost time,” Kennedy stated dully and walked off the bus, knowing what he meant Lilly got her pills from her tote bag and shoved them in her purse before walking off the bus and to the venue, waiting for her phone alarm to spring into action telling her it was time to take the only things keeping her level headed.

Lilly never liked taking her pills in front of people; whenever her alarm reminder went off she would always excuse herself to the bathroom or to another room so she could take them in peace. It didn’t matter if everyone in the room knew what she was taking and what for like this particular day, she still felt embarrassed about the whole thing so decided to take them privately in the venue’s bathroom. As Lilly was making her way back to The Maine’s dressing room a tall figure was coming towards her, at first glance Lilly started to shake before her common sense kicked in. There is no way William would be at the venue, he is in jail.

“Hey who are you? I’m Christofer, from Nevershoutnever.” The male offered his hand for Lilly to shake which she wearingly took, she knew it wasn’t who she feared but the flashbacks would not leave her alone.

“Lil...Lilly, I... I have to go,” she stuttered in a rush and swiftly turned on her heel before powering her legs as fast as she could to the bus, the only place she could feel safe.

“Dude what just happened?” Garrett was walking towards Christofer; he saw Lilly run away and immediately warming lights flashed in his mind.

“Nothing I said hi and she freaked out, do I smell or look funny or something?”

“Look funny... no, no you don’t shit I have to go.” Garrett took off running to the bus realising why Lilly had run off.

“LILLY?” Garrett shouted out, he heard what sounded like hyperventilating in the bathroom and knocked on the door before announcing himself, the door opened slowly and there stood Lilly with tears streaming down her face, her breathing ragged.

“Shit Lilly come on.” Garrett took her by the wrist and led her to one of the sofas, Lilly sat down while Garrett rushed around the bus, and he emptied a paper bag the candy once contained in it now all over the counter and floor.

“Deep breaths Lilly come on.” Garrett took the seat next to Lilly and watched anxiously as Lilly took breaths in the bag to calm down.

“I’m here Lilly okay there’s no need to worry.”