Status: This one is going on fast, I already have a few chapters written, This next week I'll Update
Light of Things
They WERE Brothers
We sat on the couch of the living room watching Big Stan. He was laying in my arms as I rubbed his hair sweetly before we burst out laughing at the movie;
"It's like an alien, staring into my soul,"
Just then his phone rang in his pocket, as he slipped his hand in I kissed sweetly over the back of his neck and ear.
"stop," he whispered with a smile as he pressed the screen of his new cellphone;
"yo?" he answered like usual. I pressed my lips against his temple and continued playing with his now longer hair "I'm fine, mom, you?" a weird feeling like a sudden sadness was taking over me "nah, I'm with a friend," his eyes shifted towards me for a moment and he smiled. He told me how he couldn't wait for his parents and sister to meet me, apparently Amy and I could be great friends considering we like the same things or something.
"ma, can you tell me what's going on?" he sat up already having a bad feeling that I could read simply in his gestures, we were still waiting for news on Shay so it was obvious, "what are you talking about?" he asked now a bit louder "fuck no! That can't be!" he was full blown yelling now, "no! tha-that's not possible!" he stood up and turned away "mom no!" in his voice I could hear so much pain I couldn't even start to imagine what was going on. He didn't say another word as he slammed the phone against the coffee table before running to his room.
I sat there for a moment unsure on what to do, so I took a deep breath and stood to follow him. Opening the door carefully I found him sitting on the other side of the bed practically bawling, whit his face in his hands and his entire body shaking.
"Matt?" I sat next to him and placed my hand on his back. He didn't say a word just pulled me into a bone crushing hug and cried into my neck "baby, what's going on?"
"Lea, she found Jimmy dead in their home," he said and I instantly broke down with him.
I hadn't known Jimmy for long but long enough to already miss him terribly.
What felt like an eternity later we both calmed down, I cradled him in my numb arms as he sobbed softly. I continued repeating that it would all be alright but I knew it wouldn't, at least not right now.
"I-I have to call the guys," he said softly;
"yeah," he sat up and against the back of the bed and grabbed the house phone. I looked over my shoulder after hearing a sound in my daze but he pulled me into his chest. I listened to his heart beat as he waited for an answer;
"bri?" he was speaking softly trying his hardest to keep calm "what happened?"
"fuck," his voice broke into a whimper "how do we go on without him? he's been there since the beginning of time," I wiped the tears the cascaded down his cheeks just so they would be replaced by others.
It broke my heart, they weren't just a band or friends alone, they were brothers. I kissed his jaw line softly and he tightened his embrace on me I don't know if I'll be able but I'm gonna try," I knew it would just be hard for him to choose whether to go back home or stay here with me;
"nah dude, I'm calm..." I heard his heart beat faster and a gasp got caught way far behind his throat "nah, Bri. I-I'm okay, shocked but I'm calm... nothing's going to happen to me, I promise," Brian was afraid of what Matt would do in this traumatic situation yeah, she's here, I'll tell her," I stared at the floor waiting for him to finish "get some rest, alright? I'll call you tomorrow," he paused and ran his fingers through my hair you too, man. bye," he hung up and stared straight up front.
"baby?" I said softly, he looked down at me biting his quivering lip "I love you so much and everything is going to be alright. He’s in a better place now," I caressed his cheek softly;
"I know, it just... it hurts so much," he whispered;
"I know, I know. I've lost loved ones to, it's a horrible process. You may want to destroy everything in sight or find a responsible to take it out on but you can't. You need to be strong because the guys need you to, you lost your brother but you gained an angel because he's always going to watch over you and protect you no matter what," I sat up higher and held his teary face in my hands "I love you," I hugged him;
"I love you, too," he said softly.
The next few days would be filled with pain and tears and I had to brace myself and be strong for him, I was the only one around and I know I'm the one he needs.
As I thought, he barely slept three days after and refused to have anything to eat until I begged him to do so. That was exactly what the message Brian asked him to give me: “tell Tere to watch over you, you need it,”
Right now, around 10pm, I found him in the dark cold living room sobbing softly;
"Matt?" tomorrow was Jimmy's funeral and he had yet to talk to me about going or any other decision.
"hmm?" he barely answered;
"are you going to the funeral, tomorrow?"
"I can't, I can't take you with me and I can't leave you here alone," he didn't even look at me as I sat next to him on the couch;
"I'll go, I'll sit way back with a pair of your sunglasses and no one will notice me,"
"you might as well just go home for that," it hurt, his words hurt like fucking hell but even in his situation I wouldn't let him break me;
"hey," I pulled on his hand to get his attention "I wasn't going to leave you before this and I'm not going to do it now, that is unless you want me to, do you?"
"no," he sighed and grabbed my hand;
"okay then stop attacking me and trust me," he nodded and a few seconds later he pulled me into his arms;
"I'm sorry,"
"it's okay, now we need to rest, the drive to O.C. is not a short one," I stood up;
"just gimme a sec, I'm gonna call Gee see if she has anything you can wear,"
"okay," I leaned closer and pecked his lips;
Matt
"hello?"
"hey Gee, sorry I'm calling so late, I need a favor," I spoke softly, my voice wouldn't get any louder even if I tried, the hours I had spent screaming to myself for abandoning him in this time of need, in this season that had always been so important for him had made my voice banish. Maybe if I had listened to him when he told me a few months ago that his body was hurting more than usual, or after I beat Shay that his chest hurt more than ever… if I had just listened, to the one person that had always listened to me…
"it's okay, what's up?"
"um, Tere needs something to wear for tomorrow, something covered up so no one will recognize her,"
"you're bringing her?" she was shocked;
"yeah, I don't want to leave her here aloneand it's too important for me to miss it,"
"it's alright, I understand. I'm gonna find something and drop it over at your house tomorrow morning,"
"okay, thanks,"
"see you tomorrow, dude," she hung up. I sat there in the dark for a moment; I couldn't help but to feel lost. I don't even feel like I have a reason anymore, the brightest moments of my life had been with him, since we were young he was, literally, my partner in crime.
I stood up and stalked my way to the room, how do I bury a brother? How do I continue doing my job without him? The questions continued their annoying choir in my head…
Once I got to my room I saw my reason, a tall Latin girl whose bare tattooed back was facing me. I sighed and sat next to her, she being the light sleeper she is instantly woke up;
"hey?"
"Mattie, you need to rest," she sat up;
"I know, I just... How do you go on? How do you continue after losing a chunk of yourself?"
"well, when I lost my daughter, though I didn't get to spend any time with her or anything I still loved her as such, Gregy wanted me to go to therapy cuz I wouldn't sleep or eat or even talk any more just spent my days crying... I gave up, finally after I passed out after five days of starving myself, when I came back to, he and Shery were practically bawling because they didn't want to lose me too," they needed her like the guys need me "right now, all the guys, your sister, your parents, you fans... and I, need you more than anything in this world and you're so consumed in your pain you're not letting anyone in. If Jimmy was here right now he'd smack you upside your head so you'd stop whining," I couldn't help but smile because I knew it was true;
"I know,"
"Now let’s get some sleep," she grabbed my hand, I just realized that since I received the news I hadn't made love to her and barely even kissed her;
"you know that I love you, right?" I leaned closer and she smiled;
"I know, and I love you too," I closed the distance between us and pressed my lips against hers in a kiss that didn't last more than a minute but really didn't have to, I just wanted her to know she was special and I'm sure she got it; I sat back up and pulled my shirt over my head, never taking my eyes off her as I laid down and pulled her closer. For the first time in these past few days I felt calm, I had battle with myself to not lose control and until a moment ago when I went against her did I realized what I was doing.
I only wonder how long this calm will last before the storm when I drop the charade and show her my true colors.
"It's like an alien, staring into my soul,"
Just then his phone rang in his pocket, as he slipped his hand in I kissed sweetly over the back of his neck and ear.
"stop," he whispered with a smile as he pressed the screen of his new cellphone;
"yo?" he answered like usual. I pressed my lips against his temple and continued playing with his now longer hair "I'm fine, mom, you?" a weird feeling like a sudden sadness was taking over me "nah, I'm with a friend," his eyes shifted towards me for a moment and he smiled. He told me how he couldn't wait for his parents and sister to meet me, apparently Amy and I could be great friends considering we like the same things or something.
"ma, can you tell me what's going on?" he sat up already having a bad feeling that I could read simply in his gestures, we were still waiting for news on Shay so it was obvious, "what are you talking about?" he asked now a bit louder "fuck no! That can't be!" he was full blown yelling now, "no! tha-that's not possible!" he stood up and turned away "mom no!" in his voice I could hear so much pain I couldn't even start to imagine what was going on. He didn't say another word as he slammed the phone against the coffee table before running to his room.
I sat there for a moment unsure on what to do, so I took a deep breath and stood to follow him. Opening the door carefully I found him sitting on the other side of the bed practically bawling, whit his face in his hands and his entire body shaking.
"Matt?" I sat next to him and placed my hand on his back. He didn't say a word just pulled me into a bone crushing hug and cried into my neck "baby, what's going on?"
"Lea, she found Jimmy dead in their home," he said and I instantly broke down with him.
I hadn't known Jimmy for long but long enough to already miss him terribly.
What felt like an eternity later we both calmed down, I cradled him in my numb arms as he sobbed softly. I continued repeating that it would all be alright but I knew it wouldn't, at least not right now.
"I-I have to call the guys," he said softly;
"yeah," he sat up and against the back of the bed and grabbed the house phone. I looked over my shoulder after hearing a sound in my daze but he pulled me into his chest. I listened to his heart beat as he waited for an answer;
"bri?" he was speaking softly trying his hardest to keep calm "what happened?"
"fuck," his voice broke into a whimper "how do we go on without him? he's been there since the beginning of time," I wiped the tears the cascaded down his cheeks just so they would be replaced by others.
It broke my heart, they weren't just a band or friends alone, they were brothers. I kissed his jaw line softly and he tightened his embrace on me I don't know if I'll be able but I'm gonna try," I knew it would just be hard for him to choose whether to go back home or stay here with me;
"nah dude, I'm calm..." I heard his heart beat faster and a gasp got caught way far behind his throat "nah, Bri. I-I'm okay, shocked but I'm calm... nothing's going to happen to me, I promise," Brian was afraid of what Matt would do in this traumatic situation yeah, she's here, I'll tell her," I stared at the floor waiting for him to finish "get some rest, alright? I'll call you tomorrow," he paused and ran his fingers through my hair you too, man. bye," he hung up and stared straight up front.
"baby?" I said softly, he looked down at me biting his quivering lip "I love you so much and everything is going to be alright. He’s in a better place now," I caressed his cheek softly;
"I know, it just... it hurts so much," he whispered;
"I know, I know. I've lost loved ones to, it's a horrible process. You may want to destroy everything in sight or find a responsible to take it out on but you can't. You need to be strong because the guys need you to, you lost your brother but you gained an angel because he's always going to watch over you and protect you no matter what," I sat up higher and held his teary face in my hands "I love you," I hugged him;
"I love you, too," he said softly.
The next few days would be filled with pain and tears and I had to brace myself and be strong for him, I was the only one around and I know I'm the one he needs.
As I thought, he barely slept three days after and refused to have anything to eat until I begged him to do so. That was exactly what the message Brian asked him to give me: “tell Tere to watch over you, you need it,”
Right now, around 10pm, I found him in the dark cold living room sobbing softly;
"Matt?" tomorrow was Jimmy's funeral and he had yet to talk to me about going or any other decision.
"hmm?" he barely answered;
"are you going to the funeral, tomorrow?"
"I can't, I can't take you with me and I can't leave you here alone," he didn't even look at me as I sat next to him on the couch;
"I'll go, I'll sit way back with a pair of your sunglasses and no one will notice me,"
"you might as well just go home for that," it hurt, his words hurt like fucking hell but even in his situation I wouldn't let him break me;
"hey," I pulled on his hand to get his attention "I wasn't going to leave you before this and I'm not going to do it now, that is unless you want me to, do you?"
"no," he sighed and grabbed my hand;
"okay then stop attacking me and trust me," he nodded and a few seconds later he pulled me into his arms;
"I'm sorry,"
"it's okay, now we need to rest, the drive to O.C. is not a short one," I stood up;
"just gimme a sec, I'm gonna call Gee see if she has anything you can wear,"
"okay," I leaned closer and pecked his lips;
Matt
"hello?"
"hey Gee, sorry I'm calling so late, I need a favor," I spoke softly, my voice wouldn't get any louder even if I tried, the hours I had spent screaming to myself for abandoning him in this time of need, in this season that had always been so important for him had made my voice banish. Maybe if I had listened to him when he told me a few months ago that his body was hurting more than usual, or after I beat Shay that his chest hurt more than ever… if I had just listened, to the one person that had always listened to me…
"it's okay, what's up?"
"um, Tere needs something to wear for tomorrow, something covered up so no one will recognize her,"
"you're bringing her?" she was shocked;
"yeah, I don't want to leave her here aloneand it's too important for me to miss it,"
"it's alright, I understand. I'm gonna find something and drop it over at your house tomorrow morning,"
"okay, thanks,"
"see you tomorrow, dude," she hung up. I sat there in the dark for a moment; I couldn't help but to feel lost. I don't even feel like I have a reason anymore, the brightest moments of my life had been with him, since we were young he was, literally, my partner in crime.
I stood up and stalked my way to the room, how do I bury a brother? How do I continue doing my job without him? The questions continued their annoying choir in my head…
Once I got to my room I saw my reason, a tall Latin girl whose bare tattooed back was facing me. I sighed and sat next to her, she being the light sleeper she is instantly woke up;
"hey?"
"Mattie, you need to rest," she sat up;
"I know, I just... How do you go on? How do you continue after losing a chunk of yourself?"
"well, when I lost my daughter, though I didn't get to spend any time with her or anything I still loved her as such, Gregy wanted me to go to therapy cuz I wouldn't sleep or eat or even talk any more just spent my days crying... I gave up, finally after I passed out after five days of starving myself, when I came back to, he and Shery were practically bawling because they didn't want to lose me too," they needed her like the guys need me "right now, all the guys, your sister, your parents, you fans... and I, need you more than anything in this world and you're so consumed in your pain you're not letting anyone in. If Jimmy was here right now he'd smack you upside your head so you'd stop whining," I couldn't help but smile because I knew it was true;
"I know,"
"Now let’s get some sleep," she grabbed my hand, I just realized that since I received the news I hadn't made love to her and barely even kissed her;
"you know that I love you, right?" I leaned closer and she smiled;
"I know, and I love you too," I closed the distance between us and pressed my lips against hers in a kiss that didn't last more than a minute but really didn't have to, I just wanted her to know she was special and I'm sure she got it; I sat back up and pulled my shirt over my head, never taking my eyes off her as I laid down and pulled her closer. For the first time in these past few days I felt calm, I had battle with myself to not lose control and until a moment ago when I went against her did I realized what I was doing.
I only wonder how long this calm will last before the storm when I drop the charade and show her my true colors.