Status: This one is going on fast, I already have a few chapters written, This next week I'll Update
Light of Things
You Know Better
I woke up early like usual, I watched the sunrise silently as he slept behind me. Matt had finally slept throughout the night, I hadn't though. I needed to be awake in case he had a nightmare I'd be able to wake him up before it got too bad.
I made my way to the kitchen and started on breakfast. Matt had a serious adoration for blueberry pancakes and I wanted to please him in all ways possible. As I poured the mix slowly into the pan a huge pair of hands fell on my waist and a massive body pressed against mine;
"good morning?" he said into my ear;
"morning," I smiled and turned slightly to see him, he smiled and kissed my lips "how'd you sleep?" I asked as he walked to the other side of the island and sat to take his coffee that I had already served.
"better, thanks to you," I blushed lightly and bit my lip. We ate in silence and went away.
***
The car ride was silent. It felt like an eternity since I had left that cabin. I looked around the route I know like the back of my hand but in truth honesty I never thought I'd be seeing again. In some ways I felt as if he wouldn't fulfill his promise, I thought he wouldn't let me go just then and I still think it, this is just today an exception for obvious reasons but he told me we would be coming back after for a couple of days while the attention to them died down.
There was something in his mind that was bugging him to points that he wouldn't even look at me;
"baby?" I grabbed his hand;
"hmm?"
"you trust me?" I asked and his eyes shifted to me for a second before they settled back on the road;
"yeah, I-"
"then relax, If you really do, relax I'm not going to try anything," I interrupted him, he sighed and pulled my hand up to his lips;
"I'm not tense because I believe you'll try to run away or something, I just know your fame status, alright? A lot of people in that funeral know who you are and most of them are looking for you," I bit my lip and nodded, I know he's right, Benji alone must be freaking out because they don't know anything about me;
"no one will recognize me, I promise," I inwardly prayed no one did…
***
"This is the most covered thing I have," Gena handed me a full outfit that was not really that covered at all, this girl has a serious problem covering her lady bits up;
"thanks," I went into the downstairs bathroom and changed, they were black trousers and a v-neck grey shirt covered with a black blazer and a thick scarf to cover my tattooed chest, I had manage to make my curls die down into thick waves and Gena cut my bangs so they would cover most of my face plus I had taken my cheek rings out and wore light lip gloss and no other make up to blend in to the crowd and of course Matt's aviators.
After I was done and Gena left Matt came down completely dressed in black, he hadn't shaved since getting the news and his hair was another mess just like the rest of him.
"babe, let’s go," I stood up from the couch and went to him in the receiver "here," he handed me a pair of sunglasses that finished hiding my appearance. He had another pair tucked on his shirt, so his eyes were still uncovered for me to see the sadness in them; I just couldn't let him leave like this;
"Matt?" I pulled on his hand when he was about to open the front door, he turned around and without a word walked into my open arms "I love you, everything's going to be fine and he's always going to be around," he nodded right into my neck before pulling back enough to kiss my lips;
"I love you so much," he said against my lips;
"I love you, too. You ready?"
"never will be,"
We were finally at the church where. Matt would get to see his brother for the very last time. Matt grabbed my hand and we walked in and as soon as I saw the 100+ people there I wanted to run away, he was right I knew most of them, from other bands to journalist to my bestfriend who was sitting with his twin and sister-in-law around the center I needed to be away from all of them mostly because in one hand if anyone saw me I could cover Matt's ass and say I was hiding away, giving my parents reasons to gloat when it wasn't even true in the other hand if I say I wasn't I would fuck Matt's life up to unbelievable points.
"I think I should sit in the back," I said into his ear, he looked down at me for a moment ready to argue about it until he looked around and realized I was right;
"okay, I'm gonna be up front and as soon as this is over I'll go to you," he pressed his lips against my temple and we parted.
As I sat far behind I silently cried, I hadn't known Jimmy for more than a couple of months and I missed him terribly, he had been there for me, caring for me, he had manage to break Matt down to nothing so he would treat me better and as I listened to his family and closest friends I realized that everyone just came before himself, he always put everyone first and it didn't even matter because he needed for everyone around him to be a 100% so that he could feel content with himself.
After the ceremony was done everyone scattered around and they all had to pass me to get out of the church, I let my head hang down so that my hair covered my face that is until Matt spoke to me;
"let’s go," he said softly, I knew his voice was as good as gone after crying for a couple of hours throughout the entire thing. I grabbed his hands and we walked out, next stop would be the cemetery, were he would be laid to rest. The ride there was a heartbreaking one, following the hearse with rows and rows of mourning fans by each side of the street, Matt sobbed silently as he tried to keep control of his SUV.
I watched from afar as the guys all said one last goodbye, they all had put something special in there with him. A light gush of wind blew my hair out of my face and just as fast my name was called:
"Terry?" I gasped fearfully and looked away from the direction of the voice, letting hair fall everywhere over my face as I slowly but steady made my way back to Matt's SUV. I crouched between his' and Zacky's BMW and prayed for Benji to just disappear to believe that what he had seen was just a fragment of his imagination playing a sick joke on him.
The fast footsteps approached and my prayers became louder in my head, I just wanted him to miss me, to walk right by and forget all about me, unfortunately the one walking towards me didn’t and he wasn’t Benji. Matt stared down at me fear and disappointment filling his red eyes.
I spoke up before he could think any less of my intentions: "Benji saw me, called my name so I just had to hide," he nodded and bit his lip before unlocking his door;
"come on," he opened the door and I didn't even waist time to go around I just slipped right over his seat and to the passenger’s. He pulled out of the parking lot biting his nails. "I'm sorry," he broke the silence;
"for what?"
"doubting you, I freaked out when you ran away," he admitted looking at me for a second when we stopped at a red light;
"it's fine, I'm just glad you know better now," he took my hand and kissed it as he started driving again;
"I need a favor," he said when we turned into an unknown neighborhood;
"what?"
"I need you to stay over at Bri's for a lil' bit. I'ma go see Amy and run some errands before going back to Big Bear," I nodded and we finally stopped in front of a huge two story house where Brian's Mercedes was already parked outside.
"okay," I smiled, he pulled the shades off his face and stared at me for a moment before looking away;
"I'll pick you up real soon, okay?"
"mh-hmm," I nodded before leaning closer and kissing his lips tenderly. His arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me almost onto his lap "I love you," I said against his lips, he sighed and bit his bottom lip before nodding, I know that will always turn him on;
"I love you, too," he said softly. I got out and walked straight to the open door, Matt didn't leave until I was inside. Aly showed me around as she told me that Brian didn't want to see anyone or talk for that matter. Jimmy's death had affected him in more ways than anyone could ever comprehend and not even Aly could break through to him.
Matt came back a couple of hours later and after giving me a kiss and giving us some things he bought for us to eat, he locked himself with Brian in his room and was there a good more couple of hours.
I made my way to the kitchen and started on breakfast. Matt had a serious adoration for blueberry pancakes and I wanted to please him in all ways possible. As I poured the mix slowly into the pan a huge pair of hands fell on my waist and a massive body pressed against mine;
"good morning?" he said into my ear;
"morning," I smiled and turned slightly to see him, he smiled and kissed my lips "how'd you sleep?" I asked as he walked to the other side of the island and sat to take his coffee that I had already served.
"better, thanks to you," I blushed lightly and bit my lip. We ate in silence and went away.
***
The car ride was silent. It felt like an eternity since I had left that cabin. I looked around the route I know like the back of my hand but in truth honesty I never thought I'd be seeing again. In some ways I felt as if he wouldn't fulfill his promise, I thought he wouldn't let me go just then and I still think it, this is just today an exception for obvious reasons but he told me we would be coming back after for a couple of days while the attention to them died down.
There was something in his mind that was bugging him to points that he wouldn't even look at me;
"baby?" I grabbed his hand;
"hmm?"
"you trust me?" I asked and his eyes shifted to me for a second before they settled back on the road;
"yeah, I-"
"then relax, If you really do, relax I'm not going to try anything," I interrupted him, he sighed and pulled my hand up to his lips;
"I'm not tense because I believe you'll try to run away or something, I just know your fame status, alright? A lot of people in that funeral know who you are and most of them are looking for you," I bit my lip and nodded, I know he's right, Benji alone must be freaking out because they don't know anything about me;
"no one will recognize me, I promise," I inwardly prayed no one did…
***
"This is the most covered thing I have," Gena handed me a full outfit that was not really that covered at all, this girl has a serious problem covering her lady bits up;
"thanks," I went into the downstairs bathroom and changed, they were black trousers and a v-neck grey shirt covered with a black blazer and a thick scarf to cover my tattooed chest, I had manage to make my curls die down into thick waves and Gena cut my bangs so they would cover most of my face plus I had taken my cheek rings out and wore light lip gloss and no other make up to blend in to the crowd and of course Matt's aviators.
After I was done and Gena left Matt came down completely dressed in black, he hadn't shaved since getting the news and his hair was another mess just like the rest of him.
"babe, let’s go," I stood up from the couch and went to him in the receiver "here," he handed me a pair of sunglasses that finished hiding my appearance. He had another pair tucked on his shirt, so his eyes were still uncovered for me to see the sadness in them; I just couldn't let him leave like this;
"Matt?" I pulled on his hand when he was about to open the front door, he turned around and without a word walked into my open arms "I love you, everything's going to be fine and he's always going to be around," he nodded right into my neck before pulling back enough to kiss my lips;
"I love you so much," he said against my lips;
"I love you, too. You ready?"
"never will be,"
We were finally at the church where. Matt would get to see his brother for the very last time. Matt grabbed my hand and we walked in and as soon as I saw the 100+ people there I wanted to run away, he was right I knew most of them, from other bands to journalist to my bestfriend who was sitting with his twin and sister-in-law around the center I needed to be away from all of them mostly because in one hand if anyone saw me I could cover Matt's ass and say I was hiding away, giving my parents reasons to gloat when it wasn't even true in the other hand if I say I wasn't I would fuck Matt's life up to unbelievable points.
"I think I should sit in the back," I said into his ear, he looked down at me for a moment ready to argue about it until he looked around and realized I was right;
"okay, I'm gonna be up front and as soon as this is over I'll go to you," he pressed his lips against my temple and we parted.
As I sat far behind I silently cried, I hadn't known Jimmy for more than a couple of months and I missed him terribly, he had been there for me, caring for me, he had manage to break Matt down to nothing so he would treat me better and as I listened to his family and closest friends I realized that everyone just came before himself, he always put everyone first and it didn't even matter because he needed for everyone around him to be a 100% so that he could feel content with himself.
After the ceremony was done everyone scattered around and they all had to pass me to get out of the church, I let my head hang down so that my hair covered my face that is until Matt spoke to me;
"let’s go," he said softly, I knew his voice was as good as gone after crying for a couple of hours throughout the entire thing. I grabbed his hands and we walked out, next stop would be the cemetery, were he would be laid to rest. The ride there was a heartbreaking one, following the hearse with rows and rows of mourning fans by each side of the street, Matt sobbed silently as he tried to keep control of his SUV.
I watched from afar as the guys all said one last goodbye, they all had put something special in there with him. A light gush of wind blew my hair out of my face and just as fast my name was called:
"Terry?" I gasped fearfully and looked away from the direction of the voice, letting hair fall everywhere over my face as I slowly but steady made my way back to Matt's SUV. I crouched between his' and Zacky's BMW and prayed for Benji to just disappear to believe that what he had seen was just a fragment of his imagination playing a sick joke on him.
The fast footsteps approached and my prayers became louder in my head, I just wanted him to miss me, to walk right by and forget all about me, unfortunately the one walking towards me didn’t and he wasn’t Benji. Matt stared down at me fear and disappointment filling his red eyes.
I spoke up before he could think any less of my intentions: "Benji saw me, called my name so I just had to hide," he nodded and bit his lip before unlocking his door;
"come on," he opened the door and I didn't even waist time to go around I just slipped right over his seat and to the passenger’s. He pulled out of the parking lot biting his nails. "I'm sorry," he broke the silence;
"for what?"
"doubting you, I freaked out when you ran away," he admitted looking at me for a second when we stopped at a red light;
"it's fine, I'm just glad you know better now," he took my hand and kissed it as he started driving again;
"I need a favor," he said when we turned into an unknown neighborhood;
"what?"
"I need you to stay over at Bri's for a lil' bit. I'ma go see Amy and run some errands before going back to Big Bear," I nodded and we finally stopped in front of a huge two story house where Brian's Mercedes was already parked outside.
"okay," I smiled, he pulled the shades off his face and stared at me for a moment before looking away;
"I'll pick you up real soon, okay?"
"mh-hmm," I nodded before leaning closer and kissing his lips tenderly. His arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me almost onto his lap "I love you," I said against his lips, he sighed and bit his bottom lip before nodding, I know that will always turn him on;
"I love you, too," he said softly. I got out and walked straight to the open door, Matt didn't leave until I was inside. Aly showed me around as she told me that Brian didn't want to see anyone or talk for that matter. Jimmy's death had affected him in more ways than anyone could ever comprehend and not even Aly could break through to him.
Matt came back a couple of hours later and after giving me a kiss and giving us some things he bought for us to eat, he locked himself with Brian in his room and was there a good more couple of hours.
♠ ♠ ♠
TUMBLR