Status: This one is going on fast, I already have a few chapters written, This next week I'll Update
Light of Things
More Ways than One
“ok, when…” the sound of a slammed door cut me off “what was that?”
“fuck, that’s the guys, they were coming over to discuss the new tour,” he got up from the bed “you don’t mind, right? If we talk later?” I shook my head, what I was about to tell him needed a lot of time and a lot of patience from the both of us;
We both got dressed quickly as the guys started calling him down. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of their faces when they saw me;
“what?”
“you think they’ll be surprised about seeing me here?” I asked as I buttoned my dress up;
“they’re gonna freak,” he smiled at me before pecking my lips and grabbing my hand.
“well hoohoohoo look who’s finally having some much needed fun,” Brian said from downstairs. Matt looked at me confused when we stopped close to the staircase. I smiled and pulled my dress up enough for him to see my bare hip;
“oh,” he chuckled and walked down before me;
“glad to see you’re finally getting over…”Zacky stopped instantly when he saw me, their looks were between terrified and impressed;
“over what, Baker?”
“aw, you learned my name,” he said shocked putting his hand over his heart;
“yes, and those are mine,” I pointed at my lacy underwear which he had hanging on one finger, he turned beet red and handed them to me;
“oh, yeah, sorry,” a few chuckles broke the silence.
“are you two okay or do I need to find a lawyer?” Brian said not minding Mike Portnoy who was sitting by him;
“all good,”
“I’m missing a lot here,” Mike said and I looked at Matt;
“all yours,” I smiled and walked into the kitchen that exactly as I thought was a complete mess, as they continued with their meeting I cleaned around, a single man with a two story home it’s a shitload of work to do, so in the couple of hours I had I did as much as I could.
After I felt like I had done enough, they still hadn’t finished and I went outside to get my bag then up to his room to take a shower, yeah, I guess I really did know I was going to forgive him.
“baby, the guys left already,” Matt said softly;
“oh okay,” I said and bit my lip, once was not enough “Matt?” I sang;
“what?” he mocked me;
“what you doin’?” he chuckled before answering;
“shaving , I hadn’t shaved in more than a week,” I forgot to mention he looked like a hobo;
“oh… I was going to ask you to join but if you’re too busy…”
“don’t you move, I’ll be right in,” I chuckled and waited. Slowly the door opened and closed, his hands were on my hips and his body against mine and my mind banished…
When were done with our… ”shower” we laid next to each other naked on the bed. I had so much on my mind still, I couldn’t even deal with it;
“little girl, what were you going to tell me earlier?” he pulled me closer and I knew I had to. I sat up and covered myself with the quilt. He followed already looking suspicious. I took a deep breath and cringed before biting my lip and looking at him again;
“okay, yanno that I walked for like three days until I flagged a cab down?” he nodded “well, when I got to LA and to Nic’s house, I-I collapsed, they told me… that I um… I miscarried your baby,” I finished in a whisper. His eyes were impossible to understand usually by the color of them alone I could tell if he was upset, horny, happy… but right now he was just surprised “I-I’m sorry, if I had known I would’ve stayed, I would’ve swallowed my pride and heard you out from the start but I didn’t. Since I was stabbed my period became very irregular and I thought it hadn’t come because I was so upset most of the time, it just wasn’t,” I was trying really hard not to break down.
When they told me that I made Benji, Joel, Nic, Gregy and Shery swear to me they wouldn’t tell absolutely nobody, I seemed strong as if it didn’t bother me but the truth was nothing like it, I was going to have a baby of the man I love the most in this world and I was so stupid that I didn’t notice the signs and practically caused myself an abortion.
He was not making it easy to be strong, he looked away from me and stared at the bed for a while before looking back up at me and that’s when I broke down. His eyes were almost yellow and tiny which only meant how upset he was;
“nine months, Teresa,” was all he said;
“I-I didn’t find a real reason to tell you. There was nothing we could do and you already had so much in your hands I didn’t want to add anymore, that’s the main reason I just ignored you because I didn’t want to be reminded of my stupidity and have to face you and tell you this,” I cried softly. He looked away again “I’m sorry,” I’m starting to think he won’t forgive me for this. All of a sudden he pulled me into a bone crushing hug;
“I love you,” was all he said into my ear;
“you’re not mad?”
“I’m sad, really sad. But I learned the hard way that when you lose somebody it doesn’t help to blame anybody for it or feel angry you just have to look at bright sides or things to ease the pain,” he wiped my tears away “if you had a miscarriage it means that you can get pregnant, unlike what you believed, so when the time’s right we’ll make our family, it just wasn’t meant for us right now,” he pulled me onto his lap;
“you want to have a family with me?” I couldn’t find a reason why;
“of course, I told you. You’re my everything,” he kissed my lips;
“but I’m so fucked up, I’ve wasted so much time making my father miserable and-”
“you’ve done what you’ve done to get back at those who hurt you,” he laid back with me still on him “I don’t judge you,” as we kissed my phone rang:
Jeffree Star’s Lollipop Luxury
Fuck me
I'm a celebrity
Can't take your eyes off me
I'll make you fuck me just to get somewhere
Fuck me
I'm a celebrity
Can't take your hands off me
I know you wanna suck me what you waiting for
”hello?” I sang and put it on speaker knowing Gregy was seconds away from a fit;
hello, nothing! Where the fuck you at?! How you gonna leave a note on the fridge knowing we’re anorexic? And then a note saying be back whenever, you’re a fucking time bomb! It’s a full time job to look after you!
I couldn’t help but to fall back on the bed laughing;
”well I thought that after your intervention you’d know where I was,”
“oh my God you’re with the gringo? You probably haven’t gotten off the saddle since you saw him… weak whore,” I laughed when I saw Matt’s amused face;
fuck off bitch, I bet you already jacked off to that poster you showed me last night,”
“hell to the no. I have a date with beautiful Mario tonight, we’re rocking this house for all it’s got! No need for Cali roast beef when I have Cuban Steak” yeah, I forgot to mention he’s dating the infamous PerezHilton, I laughed even louder;
”ew, besides I wasn’t sharing and stay off my bed, please,” I laughed “now be gone I gotta sexy naked man by me and you’re wasting my time, Matt laughed;
”ooh nice laugh, anyways… I gotta get ready just wanted to know you were all good, you are, right?”
“never been better,” I smiled at Matt;
“ok I’m glad to hear that, I’m gonna be at my place tonight and I hope to talk to you tomorrow, alright?”
“mm-hmm love you,” it was the change he had made in me, I would never admit love to anyone until after I met him;
”you too, bye,”
I hung up and looked at Matt before sighing;
“how’d you change me like this?”
“what’d you mean?” he pulled me over him;
“I feel, period, that’s it… I feel when I never had before,”
“I didn’t do that, you did it yourself cuz you realized that not everyone’s out to get you, I never really was…
In my sleep I felt Matt shift on the bed and instantly woke up.
“where you going?” I asked groggily, he turned to me and smiled;
“I got a really good idea and I have to write it down,” he ran his fingers through my hair;
“oh,” I sang “my arty muscle head,” I pulled him down to kiss his lips, he chuckled and pecked my lips again “I love you,” I said against his lips;
“I love you, too. Go back to sleep, I’ll be in the studio downstairs for a little bit,” I nodded and he hadn’t even gotten off the bed when I was already missing him but I turned back on my side and was fast asleep,
“baby,” he woke me up again;
“hmm?”
“I took longer than I thought, I’m gonna go for a run,” he kissed over my cheek and temple;
“okay,” I could barely hold my eyes open so I practically passed out, what felt like a few seconds later I woke up, the sun was rising, I just knew it;
I got off the bed without even noticing if he had gotten back, I wrapped the thin sheet around my body and stood. I walked to the small balcony and opened it to find an envelope right on the railing with my name on it. I smiled and grabbed it but didn’t open it until I was done watching the sunrise, it just gave me an amount of energy to go on with the day.
I walked back inside and sat on the bed. I opened the envelope and let the charms fall on the bed as I brought the paper out:
Teresa, I can’t believe you’re here, I wrote to you so many times that seemed so heart breaking because you were so far away and sometimes I forced myself to tell you so much that in any other situation I wouldn’t have said. Admitting fear and sadness and any sort of weakness was so unlike me so I have to admit to you that in fact you were the one that change me.
Now it’s so easy to write, to think, to smile… it’s amazing to be able to look over my shoulder and see you lying there, in my house, in my room, in my bed… I can’t wait for the moment when everything’s ours instead of mine.
Just so you know, I bought all the charms at once, they gave me some pretty weird looks but it didn’t matter cuz I knew you would like them:
A Tanzanite for our burning lust
A Ruby for your amazing beauty
A Money Sign for your wealth
And a Candy for your unbelievable sweetness (in more ways than one, may I add)
I blushed hard knowing exactly what he meant
with those four the bracelet is practically full, the fifth one won’t fit anywhere even if you tried, it’s not supposed to.
When I told you I wanted everything to be ours I meant it.
That ring I bought the day of Jimmy’s funeral when I went to “run some errands”. Losing him taught me that we’re not as immortal as we’d like to be and I’ve wasted enough time with by your side with the uncertainty of our relationship so I want that exact thing to come to an end and be able to have you by my side for the rest of our lives.
I don’t know if you’ll agree with me, you might not and I’d really lose you forever but I’m willing to take a chance.
I’m sorry that I have to ask you like this. It seems I’m only good with my words when I write them…
Will you be my wife?
I gasped and took the ring. It had a lock hanging loose on the diamond studded band.
Teresa D. Sanders? For reals? For really reals? I couldn’t even believe the size of it. It was beautiful and with my knowledge of diamonds I knew it was expensive as well.
I slid it onto my ring finger just to see how it would look;
“it’s that a yes?
“fuck, that’s the guys, they were coming over to discuss the new tour,” he got up from the bed “you don’t mind, right? If we talk later?” I shook my head, what I was about to tell him needed a lot of time and a lot of patience from the both of us;
We both got dressed quickly as the guys started calling him down. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of their faces when they saw me;
“what?”
“you think they’ll be surprised about seeing me here?” I asked as I buttoned my dress up;
“they’re gonna freak,” he smiled at me before pecking my lips and grabbing my hand.
“well hoohoohoo look who’s finally having some much needed fun,” Brian said from downstairs. Matt looked at me confused when we stopped close to the staircase. I smiled and pulled my dress up enough for him to see my bare hip;
“oh,” he chuckled and walked down before me;
“glad to see you’re finally getting over…”Zacky stopped instantly when he saw me, their looks were between terrified and impressed;
“over what, Baker?”
“aw, you learned my name,” he said shocked putting his hand over his heart;
“yes, and those are mine,” I pointed at my lacy underwear which he had hanging on one finger, he turned beet red and handed them to me;
“oh, yeah, sorry,” a few chuckles broke the silence.
“are you two okay or do I need to find a lawyer?” Brian said not minding Mike Portnoy who was sitting by him;
“all good,”
“I’m missing a lot here,” Mike said and I looked at Matt;
“all yours,” I smiled and walked into the kitchen that exactly as I thought was a complete mess, as they continued with their meeting I cleaned around, a single man with a two story home it’s a shitload of work to do, so in the couple of hours I had I did as much as I could.
After I felt like I had done enough, they still hadn’t finished and I went outside to get my bag then up to his room to take a shower, yeah, I guess I really did know I was going to forgive him.
“baby, the guys left already,” Matt said softly;
“oh okay,” I said and bit my lip, once was not enough “Matt?” I sang;
“what?” he mocked me;
“what you doin’?” he chuckled before answering;
“shaving , I hadn’t shaved in more than a week,” I forgot to mention he looked like a hobo;
“oh… I was going to ask you to join but if you’re too busy…”
“don’t you move, I’ll be right in,” I chuckled and waited. Slowly the door opened and closed, his hands were on my hips and his body against mine and my mind banished…
When were done with our… ”shower” we laid next to each other naked on the bed. I had so much on my mind still, I couldn’t even deal with it;
“little girl, what were you going to tell me earlier?” he pulled me closer and I knew I had to. I sat up and covered myself with the quilt. He followed already looking suspicious. I took a deep breath and cringed before biting my lip and looking at him again;
“okay, yanno that I walked for like three days until I flagged a cab down?” he nodded “well, when I got to LA and to Nic’s house, I-I collapsed, they told me… that I um… I miscarried your baby,” I finished in a whisper. His eyes were impossible to understand usually by the color of them alone I could tell if he was upset, horny, happy… but right now he was just surprised “I-I’m sorry, if I had known I would’ve stayed, I would’ve swallowed my pride and heard you out from the start but I didn’t. Since I was stabbed my period became very irregular and I thought it hadn’t come because I was so upset most of the time, it just wasn’t,” I was trying really hard not to break down.
When they told me that I made Benji, Joel, Nic, Gregy and Shery swear to me they wouldn’t tell absolutely nobody, I seemed strong as if it didn’t bother me but the truth was nothing like it, I was going to have a baby of the man I love the most in this world and I was so stupid that I didn’t notice the signs and practically caused myself an abortion.
He was not making it easy to be strong, he looked away from me and stared at the bed for a while before looking back up at me and that’s when I broke down. His eyes were almost yellow and tiny which only meant how upset he was;
“nine months, Teresa,” was all he said;
“I-I didn’t find a real reason to tell you. There was nothing we could do and you already had so much in your hands I didn’t want to add anymore, that’s the main reason I just ignored you because I didn’t want to be reminded of my stupidity and have to face you and tell you this,” I cried softly. He looked away again “I’m sorry,” I’m starting to think he won’t forgive me for this. All of a sudden he pulled me into a bone crushing hug;
“I love you,” was all he said into my ear;
“you’re not mad?”
“I’m sad, really sad. But I learned the hard way that when you lose somebody it doesn’t help to blame anybody for it or feel angry you just have to look at bright sides or things to ease the pain,” he wiped my tears away “if you had a miscarriage it means that you can get pregnant, unlike what you believed, so when the time’s right we’ll make our family, it just wasn’t meant for us right now,” he pulled me onto his lap;
“you want to have a family with me?” I couldn’t find a reason why;
“of course, I told you. You’re my everything,” he kissed my lips;
“but I’m so fucked up, I’ve wasted so much time making my father miserable and-”
“you’ve done what you’ve done to get back at those who hurt you,” he laid back with me still on him “I don’t judge you,” as we kissed my phone rang:
Jeffree Star’s Lollipop Luxury
Fuck me
I'm a celebrity
Can't take your eyes off me
I'll make you fuck me just to get somewhere
Fuck me
I'm a celebrity
Can't take your hands off me
I know you wanna suck me what you waiting for
”hello?” I sang and put it on speaker knowing Gregy was seconds away from a fit;
hello, nothing! Where the fuck you at?! How you gonna leave a note on the fridge knowing we’re anorexic? And then a note saying be back whenever, you’re a fucking time bomb! It’s a full time job to look after you!
I couldn’t help but to fall back on the bed laughing;
”well I thought that after your intervention you’d know where I was,”
“oh my God you’re with the gringo? You probably haven’t gotten off the saddle since you saw him… weak whore,” I laughed when I saw Matt’s amused face;
fuck off bitch, I bet you already jacked off to that poster you showed me last night,”
“hell to the no. I have a date with beautiful Mario tonight, we’re rocking this house for all it’s got! No need for Cali roast beef when I have Cuban Steak” yeah, I forgot to mention he’s dating the infamous PerezHilton, I laughed even louder;
”ew, besides I wasn’t sharing and stay off my bed, please,” I laughed “now be gone I gotta sexy naked man by me and you’re wasting my time, Matt laughed;
”ooh nice laugh, anyways… I gotta get ready just wanted to know you were all good, you are, right?”
“never been better,” I smiled at Matt;
“ok I’m glad to hear that, I’m gonna be at my place tonight and I hope to talk to you tomorrow, alright?”
“mm-hmm love you,” it was the change he had made in me, I would never admit love to anyone until after I met him;
”you too, bye,”
I hung up and looked at Matt before sighing;
“how’d you change me like this?”
“what’d you mean?” he pulled me over him;
“I feel, period, that’s it… I feel when I never had before,”
“I didn’t do that, you did it yourself cuz you realized that not everyone’s out to get you, I never really was…
In my sleep I felt Matt shift on the bed and instantly woke up.
“where you going?” I asked groggily, he turned to me and smiled;
“I got a really good idea and I have to write it down,” he ran his fingers through my hair;
“oh,” I sang “my arty muscle head,” I pulled him down to kiss his lips, he chuckled and pecked my lips again “I love you,” I said against his lips;
“I love you, too. Go back to sleep, I’ll be in the studio downstairs for a little bit,” I nodded and he hadn’t even gotten off the bed when I was already missing him but I turned back on my side and was fast asleep,
“baby,” he woke me up again;
“hmm?”
“I took longer than I thought, I’m gonna go for a run,” he kissed over my cheek and temple;
“okay,” I could barely hold my eyes open so I practically passed out, what felt like a few seconds later I woke up, the sun was rising, I just knew it;
I got off the bed without even noticing if he had gotten back, I wrapped the thin sheet around my body and stood. I walked to the small balcony and opened it to find an envelope right on the railing with my name on it. I smiled and grabbed it but didn’t open it until I was done watching the sunrise, it just gave me an amount of energy to go on with the day.
I walked back inside and sat on the bed. I opened the envelope and let the charms fall on the bed as I brought the paper out:
Teresa, I can’t believe you’re here, I wrote to you so many times that seemed so heart breaking because you were so far away and sometimes I forced myself to tell you so much that in any other situation I wouldn’t have said. Admitting fear and sadness and any sort of weakness was so unlike me so I have to admit to you that in fact you were the one that change me.
Now it’s so easy to write, to think, to smile… it’s amazing to be able to look over my shoulder and see you lying there, in my house, in my room, in my bed… I can’t wait for the moment when everything’s ours instead of mine.
Just so you know, I bought all the charms at once, they gave me some pretty weird looks but it didn’t matter cuz I knew you would like them:
A Tanzanite for our burning lust
A Ruby for your amazing beauty
A Money Sign for your wealth
And a Candy for your unbelievable sweetness (in more ways than one, may I add)
I blushed hard knowing exactly what he meant
with those four the bracelet is practically full, the fifth one won’t fit anywhere even if you tried, it’s not supposed to.
When I told you I wanted everything to be ours I meant it.
That ring I bought the day of Jimmy’s funeral when I went to “run some errands”. Losing him taught me that we’re not as immortal as we’d like to be and I’ve wasted enough time with by your side with the uncertainty of our relationship so I want that exact thing to come to an end and be able to have you by my side for the rest of our lives.
I don’t know if you’ll agree with me, you might not and I’d really lose you forever but I’m willing to take a chance.
I’m sorry that I have to ask you like this. It seems I’m only good with my words when I write them…
Will you be my wife?
I gasped and took the ring. It had a lock hanging loose on the diamond studded band.
Teresa D. Sanders? For reals? For really reals? I couldn’t even believe the size of it. It was beautiful and with my knowledge of diamonds I knew it was expensive as well.
I slid it onto my ring finger just to see how it would look;
“it’s that a yes?
♠ ♠ ♠
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