Light of Things

“Matt!” I yelled, feeling him deeper than I ever had. He held onto the backboard of the bed gaining some leverage to hit all the places he knew would drive me insane. After three months away from each other the tension had gotten to a point that as soon as I saw his face I jumped his bones, we did it on the back of his SUV then I messed with him all the way up to Big Bear and since we got here, we’ve been at it for hours.

“I love you so much,” I moaned against his lips. He did those final thrust groaning and filling the latex barrier between us;

“I love you, too, I love you,” he panted and fell next to me letting me finally breathe.

After a few minutes of silent kisses, I pulled back breathing heavily;

“I’ll be lucky if I can walk tomorrow,” he chuckled and kissed my sweaty forehead;

“don’t exaggerate! I know that if I kiss you right here…” he kissed that nook over my collarbone sending chills all over my body “… you’ll feel your legs again,” he was confident and over all so right;

“alright, fine! Stop!” I pushed him playfully, he laughed and pulled me over his body “addicting dick,” I muttered;

“wait, I’m a dick and you’re addicted to me? Or are you addicted to my dick?”

“both,” he smiled widely. For a moment we just stared at each other before bursting out in a fit of giggles. We were like horny teens, waiting for a chance to play hooky.

“so when’s it gonna be?” he asked randomly;

“what?”

“our wedding?” he smiled making me blush;

“um… I hope you don’t mind but I checked your dates… and if it continues on as planned I’d like it to be on my birthday this year,” I bit onto my lip;

“of course I don’t mind, future Mrs. Sanders. That’s August 13, right?” I nodded “I’m just gonna text Larry and ask him to keep that date and the two weeks after clear,” my cheeks hurt from how wide I smiled, he did exactly that not even caring that it was way after 2 in the morning. He finally noticed me and smirked “I’m sorry you have to plan it all on your own, I’m gonna be gone for most of the time,”

“It’s okay, I just hope you won’t find it too over the top,” I dug deeper into the side of his body;

“it’ll be anything you want it to be,” he kissed me “I wish it was always this calm,”

“it’ll be, soon enough,” he nodded knowing that it was pretty much a lie, as soon as I got over that meeting, it would only be worse. “there’s something I have to do first, though,” he wondered but I didn’t go into details, my main purpose in life is never leave a loose end “we’re taking a trip tomorrow,” he shrugged and I looked away, how I really hate my own idea, but I can’t go on in life with this burden.

January 13th, 2011

We arrived at Lompok penitentiary.

“I’d like to see Juan Gonzalez,” the guard behind the desk eyed us for a moment, it was clear that we weren’t the usual loving wife, or even the bitter children of a con;

“are you family?”

“I’m his niece, this is my boyfriend,” I pointed at Matt and held the urge to throw up at the single thought of being related to him;

“what are we doing here?” Matt asked into my ear as they checked my purse;

“no loose ends, remember?” he nodded. We were escorted inside a few minutes later. He sat behind a table looking around at his fellow inmates, with their loving families, probably envying them and obviously wondering what niece could come see him, he was an immigrant whose family was still in Honduras waiting for the help he had promised to give;

“what are you doing here?” he said bitterly when I sat in front of him with Matt closely by my side, his face alone drove me to a peek of insanity and fear that could easily be noticed from afar;

“I came here for reasons,”

“reasons for what?” he smiled sadistically at me;

“the shit you did to me!” I could lose it and I’d never know the truth;

“but we had so much fun with you!” he knew that the brick wall next to me couldn’t defend my pride in here so he was about to take total advantage of it;

“look you piece of shit!” I hissed and caught myself when Matt squeezed my knee “no, I can’t lose my cool with you, I’m better than that,” he cocked an eyebrow with a sadistic smile plastered on his disgusting face “look, Mr. Gonzalez, they all paid, all died painful bloody deaths and you won’t be an exception. You found your wife cheating on you right on your kitchen table and you felt like you made her ”pay” by killing her but the truth is… joke was on you cuz you’re the one fucked sideways in this hell hole, the only sad thing was the two inoffensive kids you left behind, alone and to fend for themselves to the stigma you created for them, while they’re battling out you’re here old and miserable and it’s just a matter of time before you die as well and you still haven’t learned from your mistakes,” I was almost reasoning with him but mostly I wanted him to hear every single insult and for them to dig so deep into his brain he explodes;

“learn from my mistakes? I don’t have to learn from my mistake… It wasn’t even my mistake. Your father owed all of us disgusting amounts of money, you were just the price to be paid to get out of debt,” he sat back on his chair almost proud of himself;

“I don’t put it past my father to be involved in this but… I was twelve years old, your daughter is just a couple of months older than me, didn’t you feel for a moment as if you were doing it to your own flesh and blood?” his expression changed drastically when I mentioned her, this is the skeleton in his closet “you probably did it to her too…” I looked down at the stainless steel table and waited, a man with his amount of pride wouldn’t take an accusation like such lightly, not even if he was guilty of it;

“you shut your mouth, you don’t know what you’re talking about!” he slammed his fists against the table getting the attention of the guards;

“you did! Didn’t you? That’s why Alicia is how she is! A coke addict, living off the streets, selling her body for her addiction to coke… you traumatized her. You’re baby girl, a father’s most valuable jewel soiled by your own hands. She could’ve been the best of the best and she’s losing everything because she cannot trust anybody in life and it’s all thanks to you; and your son, I’m glad you’re here, he’s free to be himself. We all know you wanted him to carry your name on but he always knew he had some serious affection for men, thankfully he’s like my brother and I wouldn’t change him for the world,” the fear I had felt towards this man for years was finally gone, I had made him miserable bringing all those memories back;

“I think I would’ve dealt just fine with him being a fag more than being by your side… you’re just like your mother, a whore!” I could feel Matt’s corporal heat rising so I had to leave before it got out of hand;

“a free whore not a jailed pedophile like yourself,”

“you disgust me, get out of my sight!” I stood with a proud smile and let Matt walk away first;

“I’ll see you at your funeral, Gonzales. Wouldn’t miss it for the world,”

***

“I still don’t understand why’d you had to do that,” Matt said when we got in his SUV;

“I told you, no loose ends, I want everything in my life to have a reason or purpose. My rage towards my father is not in vein and you just heard that, I always had a feeling he was involved I just didn’t really know it,”

“so now you know it, it’s not like you have proof, you can’t do anything about it,” we got out the first fence of the penitentiary;

“well no, but I know it, and I won’t go easy on him tomorrow,”

“look Tere, I never question you or your reasons for doing the things you do, but I do have to say this is getting worse and worse and I just want to know you’re safe and I’m highly doubting it right now,” I looked out the window and bit onto my stained lip;

“I’m not, but aside from death there’s not much left to do to me. I have to end with him even if it kills me, I can’t let him win,”