Kawaii no Ai
:D
With steady breathing, Hamao laid on his chest next to Kei in bed. If it weren’t for the sheets that Kei threw over him, his naked body would have been exposed to anyone that would have walked through that cheap motel door.
Of course this being the first night that they had spent like this, Kei turned to Hamao who was now sleeping peacefully. Kei though to himself, could this have been his first time with… Then he thought what a shame. The bet that he made with his friends was almost over. All that was left to do was to take the camera that he had been carrying with him and snap one picture.
At school, Hamao seemed to be like one of the boys who are easy to make fun off, easy to manipulate. Every school has some of them. They’re cute in their geeky way and smart but so naïve that everyone wants to take advantage of them in any way possible… even if it’s for their own entertainment.
It was not hard for Kei to get Hamao to like him. They had many common interests. All he had to do was just ask him out and hope that he would say yes. Being a ‘all so confident’ guy, Kei never had doubt about himself and knew that Hamao wouldn’t turn him down. Of course Hamao didn’t have many friends so when he saw that Kei wanted to go out with him, let a lone befriend him, he knew something was up, but at the same time Kei was one of the boys who he had always dreamed of being with; one that was not like the boy he had been with before.
Hamao perceived the way people viewed him: a shy boy, no experience and vulnerable. Only he knew if those views were right or wrong for he made sure to keep his school life and social life distanced. In Hamao’s mind, Kei was handsome and all the girls liked him. He was also smart and most of the time he obtained anything and anyone he wanted. That was what he liked the most about Kei; his ability to have access to anything without the need of money, which he also had. Hamao wanted to defy that charm of his.
As Kei looked down at Hamao, he saw his orange-ish hair flop over his lightly closed eyelids. Kei smiled at himself and for a slight moment, just for one second, he hesitated before reaching over for the camera which he had left on the night stand. He placed a couple of light kisses on Hamao’s exposed shoulder before getting up and walking over to the side of the bed. As he lifted the camera to his face and tweaked the lens so that he could get a clear view of Hamao laying there defenseless on the bed, he recalled their first date.
Now that he remembered it more clearly, Hamao was the one who had dragged them to the beach that night after they had spent the whole afternoon together at the shopping mall. They sat by the fountain and Kei had asked him if he wanted to go home but Hamao shook his head. Kei watched him think for a moment before Hamao casually placed his hand lightly over his and asked, “Can we go to the beach?”
At that moment, the only thought that ran through Kei’s minds was, yes it’s working. Indeed it was. That night they had their first kiss, but what Kei was recalling now, something that he had not paid attention to a month ago because all he cared about was getting Hamao to like him, was that Hamao was the one that had kissed him first. Playfully, they had been running along the shore when Hamao confidently from behind covered Kei’s eyes with his hands and told him, “Guess who.”
Kei had found his actions cute and laughed. As Hamao pulled his hands away from Kei’s eyes, Kei turned around to face him and with that his laugher banished. One of Hamao’s hands drifted from Kei’s eyes down to his neck and the other down to his hipbone. It took Kei a couple of seconds to realize that Hamao was kissing him and that he didn’t oppose it. He actually kind of liked it. He liked the fact that Hamao wanted him. Yet, he did not realize it until now. Kei felt stupid and hated to think about it, but he actually liked being with Hamao and after he took this picture it was all going to be over.
For a couple of months now Kei’s friends had been betting each other. The first bet started off with Kei betting his best friend Kris, “Bet you $50 you can’t hook up with Zhu,” (Zhu had been Kei’s ex-girlfriend). A picture of her naked was what he needed as proof that he had accomplished it. In return each of the boys who they hung out with would give him $50.
After that it became a game to them. When it came down to Kei’s turn, they all thought that it would be fun to choose Hamao for him, assuming that he wouldn’t go through it. At first Kei didn’t like the idea. If he started dating someone at school, it would become obvious that he also liked hooking up with guys, but at the same time he knew that if he backed out his friends would always hold it against him and think of him as a coward.
Its okay, Kei had thought to himself. After I take the picture no one but the guys will see it. He never though about what would happen between him and Hamao after that. He had just assumed that Hamao would despise him for using him as an object, just like all the girls that had had their pictures taken.
Kei stood there with the camera in his hand, growing more and more hesitant. He didn’t want Hamao to stop liking him. At that moment Kei realized that he had crossed the line. To him, boys were just for fun and games. Boys are not supposed to have affection for one another. Angry at himself and at the boy who lay on the bed, Kei pushed the button on the camera and snapped a picture.
As Kei exhaled a sigh of relief, Hamao rubbing his eyes with the back of his right hand, he called to him from the bed. “I was starting to wonder how long it was going to take for you to take the dam picture.” Taken back by Hamao’s statement, confused, Kei asked, “What?”
With droopy eyes Hamao stood up from the bed, secured the sheets around his body and walked over to Kei. With his right index finger, he tapped the camera’s screen and turned to look at Kei, “This is the reason why you asked me out, isn’t it?”
Kei was shocked and lost for words. No one else beside him and his friends was supposed to know about this game that they had been playing. Kei was only able to stare at Hamao in repose. Happy with Kei’s reaction, Hamao’s lips curved up into a slight smile. “Here,” Hamao reached for the camera, “Maybe you should take another-” Realizing that he was being made fun of; Kei jerked the camera away from Hamao’s reach. This only made Hamao’s smile grow even more. He reached for it again making Kei even angrier.
Kei took a slight tight grip on Hamao’s wrist and in a harsh voice he asked, “If you knew about the picture, why did you let me take it?”
Hamao’s smile faded and his gaze fell to his wrist where Kei kept putting more are more pressure as his anger grew. Seeing no response from Hamao, Kei noticed what he was doing and let go of him. “Without that,” Now clearly awake, Hamao walked around the room collecting his clothes. “They won’t believe you …”
Without hesitation, Hamao let the sheets that had been covering him fall to the floor and he changed into his clothes right there in the middle of the room. Kei interpreted Hamao’s actions as a sign of him showing off what he was about to lose. As Hamao lastly put his shirt on, he ran his fingers through his hair and turned to look at Kei.
“I don’t really care about what you do with that picture, Kei,” Hamao paused to walk over to Kei once again, “I just don’t want your friends to think you backed out at the last minute.” Now Kei was really angry and he didn’t know why. Hamao let him take the picture and yet he was angry. “You’re just saying that so I won’t take pleasure in showing off your picture.”
“Haha,” Hamao laughed taking his left hand and brushing the back of his fingers against Kei’s cheek. He sighed and placed his hand on Kei’s shoulder, “Maybe that’s true …” He leaned in closer to him, “Or maybe I’m just doing it because I don’t want people to think that the guy I like is a coward.” With a smile on his face Hamao kissed Kei lightly on the cheek.
Incredibly angry at Hamao’s actions and frustrated with his own confusing feelings, Kei knew one thing for sure; before Hamao walked out that door, he had to know what was going to happen between them. Kei was a man that always had to know how things were going to turn out. He had to be the one pulling all the strings, but at the moment, it was quite the opposite.
“So just like that you let me play with your feelings?” Kei started to blush. Such a childish question he dared to ask. Hamao shook his head realizing that his plan of taking control of the situation was working, but to his surprise, Kei’s emotions were getting hurt.
“You weren’t playing with my feelings.” Not being able to look at Kei’s face, which looked like he was on the verge of crying out of frustration and anger, Hamao threw his arms around Kei’s neck and hugged him tightly. “Every time you kissed me and every time you wrapped your arms around me, you did it because you wanted to, not because of a stupid bet.”
By now Kei had already realized that that was true. Hamao had beautiful feminine features and he was gentle too… when he wanted to be. These were things Kei looked for in a girl. Finding him attractive, in a non gay way, wasn’t what scared Kei. Kei was afraid of the fact that Hamao can make him feel so good in so many ways, thus being the gay things he was so afraid of.
Just like any other in the closet homosexual guy, Kei would think that if he was the one penetrating while two men had sex, he was not considered gay. Of course last night when he got the courage to ask Hamao, after three months of dating, if he wanted to come to the motel, his intentions had not changed. He was going to be the one in control. He was going to be the one taking the picture and the one leaving Hamao, but it didn’t turn out that way.
When they had made it into the room yesterday night, it was just like at the beach. Hamao went over to the bed and called Kei over. Stupidly and tempted he walked over just to be pulled into a kiss by Hamao. Kei could have resisted. He could have also stopped Hamao’s hands from roaming his body but he didn’t. Even as Hamao started to strip him from his clothes, he could have taken over but he didn’t want to.
Kei knew that that was going to be the first time for him not being on top. He also knew that if he didn’t stop Hamao from going any further, he was going to be going to be considered a homosexual … but at that moment and time it felt so good. When he heard Hamao whisper in his ear, “Ready?” at that moment Kei didn’t think about being gay or not, then and there, there was only one thing he wanted and that was to be with Hamao. With a kiss on Hamao’s lips as a response, Hamao took the last step that night.
By taking his arms and wrapping them around Hamao’s waist was the only way Kei knew how to let Hamao know that the claims he was making were true. There was no need for words. They both felt something special for one another.
Kei wanted to have someone like Hamao by his side and if that meant that he had to admit that maybe he was gay, he didn’t care. “So I like you …” Kei exhaled deeply into Hamao’s neck where he had buried his head as he hugged him tight, “Now what?”
After sighing in relief, Hamao smiled to himself. He pulled away from Kei, just far enough to look at him. Now all shy Kei avoided eye contact with Hamao. “I think we just had our first fight…” as Hamao paused, Kei finally turned to look at him, “You should kiss me so we can make up now.”
Kei’s heart skipped a beat before he leaned in to kiss a smiling Hamao.
Of course this being the first night that they had spent like this, Kei turned to Hamao who was now sleeping peacefully. Kei though to himself, could this have been his first time with… Then he thought what a shame. The bet that he made with his friends was almost over. All that was left to do was to take the camera that he had been carrying with him and snap one picture.
At school, Hamao seemed to be like one of the boys who are easy to make fun off, easy to manipulate. Every school has some of them. They’re cute in their geeky way and smart but so naïve that everyone wants to take advantage of them in any way possible… even if it’s for their own entertainment.
It was not hard for Kei to get Hamao to like him. They had many common interests. All he had to do was just ask him out and hope that he would say yes. Being a ‘all so confident’ guy, Kei never had doubt about himself and knew that Hamao wouldn’t turn him down. Of course Hamao didn’t have many friends so when he saw that Kei wanted to go out with him, let a lone befriend him, he knew something was up, but at the same time Kei was one of the boys who he had always dreamed of being with; one that was not like the boy he had been with before.
Hamao perceived the way people viewed him: a shy boy, no experience and vulnerable. Only he knew if those views were right or wrong for he made sure to keep his school life and social life distanced. In Hamao’s mind, Kei was handsome and all the girls liked him. He was also smart and most of the time he obtained anything and anyone he wanted. That was what he liked the most about Kei; his ability to have access to anything without the need of money, which he also had. Hamao wanted to defy that charm of his.
As Kei looked down at Hamao, he saw his orange-ish hair flop over his lightly closed eyelids. Kei smiled at himself and for a slight moment, just for one second, he hesitated before reaching over for the camera which he had left on the night stand. He placed a couple of light kisses on Hamao’s exposed shoulder before getting up and walking over to the side of the bed. As he lifted the camera to his face and tweaked the lens so that he could get a clear view of Hamao laying there defenseless on the bed, he recalled their first date.
Now that he remembered it more clearly, Hamao was the one who had dragged them to the beach that night after they had spent the whole afternoon together at the shopping mall. They sat by the fountain and Kei had asked him if he wanted to go home but Hamao shook his head. Kei watched him think for a moment before Hamao casually placed his hand lightly over his and asked, “Can we go to the beach?”
At that moment, the only thought that ran through Kei’s minds was, yes it’s working. Indeed it was. That night they had their first kiss, but what Kei was recalling now, something that he had not paid attention to a month ago because all he cared about was getting Hamao to like him, was that Hamao was the one that had kissed him first. Playfully, they had been running along the shore when Hamao confidently from behind covered Kei’s eyes with his hands and told him, “Guess who.”
Kei had found his actions cute and laughed. As Hamao pulled his hands away from Kei’s eyes, Kei turned around to face him and with that his laugher banished. One of Hamao’s hands drifted from Kei’s eyes down to his neck and the other down to his hipbone. It took Kei a couple of seconds to realize that Hamao was kissing him and that he didn’t oppose it. He actually kind of liked it. He liked the fact that Hamao wanted him. Yet, he did not realize it until now. Kei felt stupid and hated to think about it, but he actually liked being with Hamao and after he took this picture it was all going to be over.
For a couple of months now Kei’s friends had been betting each other. The first bet started off with Kei betting his best friend Kris, “Bet you $50 you can’t hook up with Zhu,” (Zhu had been Kei’s ex-girlfriend). A picture of her naked was what he needed as proof that he had accomplished it. In return each of the boys who they hung out with would give him $50.
After that it became a game to them. When it came down to Kei’s turn, they all thought that it would be fun to choose Hamao for him, assuming that he wouldn’t go through it. At first Kei didn’t like the idea. If he started dating someone at school, it would become obvious that he also liked hooking up with guys, but at the same time he knew that if he backed out his friends would always hold it against him and think of him as a coward.
Its okay, Kei had thought to himself. After I take the picture no one but the guys will see it. He never though about what would happen between him and Hamao after that. He had just assumed that Hamao would despise him for using him as an object, just like all the girls that had had their pictures taken.
Kei stood there with the camera in his hand, growing more and more hesitant. He didn’t want Hamao to stop liking him. At that moment Kei realized that he had crossed the line. To him, boys were just for fun and games. Boys are not supposed to have affection for one another. Angry at himself and at the boy who lay on the bed, Kei pushed the button on the camera and snapped a picture.
As Kei exhaled a sigh of relief, Hamao rubbing his eyes with the back of his right hand, he called to him from the bed. “I was starting to wonder how long it was going to take for you to take the dam picture.” Taken back by Hamao’s statement, confused, Kei asked, “What?”
With droopy eyes Hamao stood up from the bed, secured the sheets around his body and walked over to Kei. With his right index finger, he tapped the camera’s screen and turned to look at Kei, “This is the reason why you asked me out, isn’t it?”
Kei was shocked and lost for words. No one else beside him and his friends was supposed to know about this game that they had been playing. Kei was only able to stare at Hamao in repose. Happy with Kei’s reaction, Hamao’s lips curved up into a slight smile. “Here,” Hamao reached for the camera, “Maybe you should take another-” Realizing that he was being made fun of; Kei jerked the camera away from Hamao’s reach. This only made Hamao’s smile grow even more. He reached for it again making Kei even angrier.
Kei took a slight tight grip on Hamao’s wrist and in a harsh voice he asked, “If you knew about the picture, why did you let me take it?”
Hamao’s smile faded and his gaze fell to his wrist where Kei kept putting more are more pressure as his anger grew. Seeing no response from Hamao, Kei noticed what he was doing and let go of him. “Without that,” Now clearly awake, Hamao walked around the room collecting his clothes. “They won’t believe you …”
Without hesitation, Hamao let the sheets that had been covering him fall to the floor and he changed into his clothes right there in the middle of the room. Kei interpreted Hamao’s actions as a sign of him showing off what he was about to lose. As Hamao lastly put his shirt on, he ran his fingers through his hair and turned to look at Kei.
“I don’t really care about what you do with that picture, Kei,” Hamao paused to walk over to Kei once again, “I just don’t want your friends to think you backed out at the last minute.” Now Kei was really angry and he didn’t know why. Hamao let him take the picture and yet he was angry. “You’re just saying that so I won’t take pleasure in showing off your picture.”
“Haha,” Hamao laughed taking his left hand and brushing the back of his fingers against Kei’s cheek. He sighed and placed his hand on Kei’s shoulder, “Maybe that’s true …” He leaned in closer to him, “Or maybe I’m just doing it because I don’t want people to think that the guy I like is a coward.” With a smile on his face Hamao kissed Kei lightly on the cheek.
Incredibly angry at Hamao’s actions and frustrated with his own confusing feelings, Kei knew one thing for sure; before Hamao walked out that door, he had to know what was going to happen between them. Kei was a man that always had to know how things were going to turn out. He had to be the one pulling all the strings, but at the moment, it was quite the opposite.
“So just like that you let me play with your feelings?” Kei started to blush. Such a childish question he dared to ask. Hamao shook his head realizing that his plan of taking control of the situation was working, but to his surprise, Kei’s emotions were getting hurt.
“You weren’t playing with my feelings.” Not being able to look at Kei’s face, which looked like he was on the verge of crying out of frustration and anger, Hamao threw his arms around Kei’s neck and hugged him tightly. “Every time you kissed me and every time you wrapped your arms around me, you did it because you wanted to, not because of a stupid bet.”
By now Kei had already realized that that was true. Hamao had beautiful feminine features and he was gentle too… when he wanted to be. These were things Kei looked for in a girl. Finding him attractive, in a non gay way, wasn’t what scared Kei. Kei was afraid of the fact that Hamao can make him feel so good in so many ways, thus being the gay things he was so afraid of.
Just like any other in the closet homosexual guy, Kei would think that if he was the one penetrating while two men had sex, he was not considered gay. Of course last night when he got the courage to ask Hamao, after three months of dating, if he wanted to come to the motel, his intentions had not changed. He was going to be the one in control. He was going to be the one taking the picture and the one leaving Hamao, but it didn’t turn out that way.
When they had made it into the room yesterday night, it was just like at the beach. Hamao went over to the bed and called Kei over. Stupidly and tempted he walked over just to be pulled into a kiss by Hamao. Kei could have resisted. He could have also stopped Hamao’s hands from roaming his body but he didn’t. Even as Hamao started to strip him from his clothes, he could have taken over but he didn’t want to.
Kei knew that that was going to be the first time for him not being on top. He also knew that if he didn’t stop Hamao from going any further, he was going to be going to be considered a homosexual … but at that moment and time it felt so good. When he heard Hamao whisper in his ear, “Ready?” at that moment Kei didn’t think about being gay or not, then and there, there was only one thing he wanted and that was to be with Hamao. With a kiss on Hamao’s lips as a response, Hamao took the last step that night.
By taking his arms and wrapping them around Hamao’s waist was the only way Kei knew how to let Hamao know that the claims he was making were true. There was no need for words. They both felt something special for one another.
Kei wanted to have someone like Hamao by his side and if that meant that he had to admit that maybe he was gay, he didn’t care. “So I like you …” Kei exhaled deeply into Hamao’s neck where he had buried his head as he hugged him tight, “Now what?”
After sighing in relief, Hamao smiled to himself. He pulled away from Kei, just far enough to look at him. Now all shy Kei avoided eye contact with Hamao. “I think we just had our first fight…” as Hamao paused, Kei finally turned to look at him, “You should kiss me so we can make up now.”
Kei’s heart skipped a beat before he leaned in to kiss a smiling Hamao.