If I Die Young

"Sophie, are you awake?" Mom asked, knocking my door softly.

"Yeah, I'm up," I said, giving her a soft smile after opening the door.

She stepped back, looking me up and down, surprised to see that I was already dressed. "I told you to sleep in this morning," she said, scolding me softly.

I simply shrugged my shoulders. "I couldn't sleep anymore, so I just decided to get up and get ready. How much more do you have to do?" I asked as I headed down stairs.

"Nothing that you need to worry about," she said, walking into the kitchen. When she turned back around, I gave her a yeah, right look. She sighed, knowing I wasn't going anywhere. "You can help with the food, if you want."

"You know I'll help with whatever you need me too, Mom," I mumbled, going over to start on something.

"I know, I just didn't know how you were feeling today."

Today wasn't just any other day, or she wouldn't be worried. The boys were coming home today, and we were throwing a huge party for them, just like every time they come home from tour. Friends and family were all gathering at our house since it was the one that could fit them all.

She wasn't worried just about if I was feeling okay, but also if I was worrying about what was going to happen when my brother got here. In all reality, I was feeling anxious about what would happen, but knew that the pieces were going to fall however they want. I've come to grips with knowing I can't control fate, and to just let it be.

"I'm feeling fine," I said, trying to give her a reassuring smile. Nothing else was said about the subject as we continued to prepare for the party.

"Ah, the perfect picture. My two favorite girls in the kitchen, cooking," Dad said, coming in and giving both of us a kiss on the cheek, while holding Kenna on his hip.

"Hey! What about me?" Kenna spoke up, giving him a pout.

"You're my favorite too, don't you worry!" He said, poking her stomach to make her giggle, then setting her down. "Are you ready for me to start up the grill?"

"Just about," Mom said, nodding.

About an hour or so later, the door was flung open and McKenna's little feet were running down the drive way as she shouted. I was finishing setting some drinks in the coolers as I heard this and froze. They were home, and it was time to face the music.

Brian had a grin on his face as he held Kenna on his hip while she went on and on about everything that he had missed while he was gone. I tell you, for being seven, she really had some lungs on her. She could talk your ear off for hours and hours.

"Okay, Little Lady. You can fill me in on even more tomorrow when we hang out," he said, kissing her head and setting her down. "Let me say hi to Sophie now," he laughed as she shrugged and ran off out back.

When his eyes came up to meet mine, they widened a bit as he cocked his head to the side. "Wow," he said softly, just looking me over. "My little Sophie's grown up," he whispered, giving me a small smile.

I shrugged my shoulders, returning the smile. "Not really."

"Come here, you." He pulled me into a tight hug, the hugs that I had missed on the lonely nights in the hospital when I missed him the most...

When we pulled apart, I pulled all the courage I could and looked up at him. "Bri, we need to talk."

He was about to ask about what, when we were interrupted. "Sophie!" I was suddenly being spun around by the beam pole I call a friend.

"Jim, put her down, she's turning green," Matt chuckled, coming in with the rest. As Jimmy stood me back on my feet, I swayed a bit.

"Whoa there," Zacky said, holding onto my shoulders. "You okay?" He asked, giving me a concerned but confused look.

"Yeah, fine," I smiled, shaking it off.

"Wow, this can't be our little Sophie," Jimmy said, looking me over.

"You cut your hair," Brian frowned, running his fingers through my short hair. I had always had my hair almost down to my waist, but it had all fallen out while going through chemo. Of course, he didn't know that yet...

"Just thought it was time for change," I said, trying to brush it off as nothing.

Telling him was going to be harder than I thought...