Status: And it Has Begun
Beth's Letters
6
Dear Alexis,
Please do not be angry with me, but I've given my mom more hospital bills once again. I tried again. I tried to rid myself of this world. I had a lot of sleeping pills at my fingertips and I used them to my disposal.
I thought of you, though. This time, at least. I thought of you and how if you had gotten the letter I had written just days before, you'd be here for me. I thought of our good times like the masks we make that we later eat. Or the countless times we have gotten fat while watching movies.
I thought of you and that's why I picked up the phone and called 911.
They saved me this time, but I did see a light. People have said you see a light and I did. I thought it was Jesus and maybe that all those Jesus freaks were right. But, no. It was just the light they had above me as they pumped my stomach.
I hope you do not think of me as selfish, for I did think of you. But, what happens when even thoughts of you no longer bring a small flutter of joy to my heart? What happens when all I can feel is the fingers of death grasping me? What if I am to weak to even dial the number? What if... I really do disappear.
Will you be okay? I do hope so. I would never EVER want to harm you.
I love you.
To die and part is less evil for me.
To die and live shall be the true torment for you, I fear.
I will try, for you.
You're my best friend, Ali.
I wish I had the guts to send these.
But fate ordains that dearest friends must part.
Signed,
Bethy
Please do not be angry with me, but I've given my mom more hospital bills once again. I tried again. I tried to rid myself of this world. I had a lot of sleeping pills at my fingertips and I used them to my disposal.
I thought of you, though. This time, at least. I thought of you and how if you had gotten the letter I had written just days before, you'd be here for me. I thought of our good times like the masks we make that we later eat. Or the countless times we have gotten fat while watching movies.
I thought of you and that's why I picked up the phone and called 911.
They saved me this time, but I did see a light. People have said you see a light and I did. I thought it was Jesus and maybe that all those Jesus freaks were right. But, no. It was just the light they had above me as they pumped my stomach.
I hope you do not think of me as selfish, for I did think of you. But, what happens when even thoughts of you no longer bring a small flutter of joy to my heart? What happens when all I can feel is the fingers of death grasping me? What if I am to weak to even dial the number? What if... I really do disappear.
Will you be okay? I do hope so. I would never EVER want to harm you.
I love you.
To die and part is less evil for me.
To die and live shall be the true torment for you, I fear.
I will try, for you.
You're my best friend, Ali.
I wish I had the guts to send these.
But fate ordains that dearest friends must part.
Signed,
Bethy