Swimming in Your Subconscious
Chapter One
Sitting at the wooden kitchen table by himself, Brendon brought his hands together and clasped them. He looked out the glass window above the kitchen sink and frowned. He knew it was too early for the mail to run. But just to make sure, he looked at the time on the stove. It was only 10:15 in the morning. It was much too early for anything to happen.
He untwined his fingers and raised his right arm. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. His hair was getting too long. Ryan had always said that he preferred it when it was short.
But Ryan wasn’t there. So why did it matter?
--
Keeping track of the time (it was currently fifteen past 12 in the afternoon), Brendon slouched on the couch. He had just put Alice in Wonderland in the DVD player. He rested his head on the arm of the sofa and a faint smile was on his face. The classic 1951 Disney version always made his feel better. The vivid colors and the pure imagination was like a hallucination, but quite enjoyable. At least to him it was.
And Ryan.
Ryan loved Alice in Wonderland like a dog loves its bone. His eyes would always light up when anybody mentioned it. He understood it more than he understood music and that was really saying something. Often, Ryan would call Brendon his own personal ‘Wonderland.’ It was something that Brendon never really understand, but just seeing the sparks in Ryan’s eyes when he said that gave him all the reassurance he ever needed.
But Ryan wasn’t there. So why did it matter?
--
Sitting at the kitchen table once again, Brendon grabbed a notebook and a black ink pen. Earlier that day, during the movie, he had had a stroke of inspiration. Lately, they haven’t been coming as often, so any time he had one, he would jump on the opportunity as fast as he could. Scribbling down his words as fast as they came in his mind, he dropped the pen and read over his lyrics that were scrawled over the thin notebook paper.
Gimme a sign… I want to believe.
Gulping, he hastily wiped a fallen tear from his eye. He had an overwhelming urge to rip the paper into a million tiny pieces and then burn it.
--
No matter what Brendon did, Ryan was always there.
Only it was subconsciously.
Brendon always saw Ryan in his head.
Too bad Ryan wasn’t there in reality.
He untwined his fingers and raised his right arm. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. His hair was getting too long. Ryan had always said that he preferred it when it was short.
But Ryan wasn’t there. So why did it matter?
--
Keeping track of the time (it was currently fifteen past 12 in the afternoon), Brendon slouched on the couch. He had just put Alice in Wonderland in the DVD player. He rested his head on the arm of the sofa and a faint smile was on his face. The classic 1951 Disney version always made his feel better. The vivid colors and the pure imagination was like a hallucination, but quite enjoyable. At least to him it was.
And Ryan.
Ryan loved Alice in Wonderland like a dog loves its bone. His eyes would always light up when anybody mentioned it. He understood it more than he understood music and that was really saying something. Often, Ryan would call Brendon his own personal ‘Wonderland.’ It was something that Brendon never really understand, but just seeing the sparks in Ryan’s eyes when he said that gave him all the reassurance he ever needed.
But Ryan wasn’t there. So why did it matter?
--
Sitting at the kitchen table once again, Brendon grabbed a notebook and a black ink pen. Earlier that day, during the movie, he had had a stroke of inspiration. Lately, they haven’t been coming as often, so any time he had one, he would jump on the opportunity as fast as he could. Scribbling down his words as fast as they came in his mind, he dropped the pen and read over his lyrics that were scrawled over the thin notebook paper.
Gimme a sign… I want to believe.
Gulping, he hastily wiped a fallen tear from his eye. He had an overwhelming urge to rip the paper into a million tiny pieces and then burn it.
--
No matter what Brendon did, Ryan was always there.
Only it was subconsciously.
Brendon always saw Ryan in his head.
Too bad Ryan wasn’t there in reality.