All of the Above

"Do you want the toaster? Or am I keeping it?"

I finished shoving a drawer full of t-shirts into a duffle bag before turning to Ethan.

It may seem like just a toaster to anyone who entered the kitchen--minus the image of Darth Vader on your piece of finished bread--but there was a story behind it. The stupid thing actually had some meaning to it.

Everyone remembers how they met their boyfriend or girlfriend, or at least some of us do. The Darth Vader toaster was what brought Ethan and I together.

If you were to ask me, I'd say I saw it first. If you were to ask him, he'd say he saw it first. Either way, we both grabbed it at the same time. Being to stubborn bitch that I am, I argued that it should be mine and he could buy the one right next to it from 1949. In the end, though, he said I could have it if I agreed to go on a date with him. I wouldn't normally fall for that type of thing, the lame and clichéd guy lines, but I did, and we somehow stuck together for the past few years. Too bad I couldn't foresee the future, it would've saved me a lot of trouble.

"No, I don't want it."

"But you love this thing. You don't want it to remember-" he stopped, probably refraining from saying me.

"I'm only taking what doesn't contain any memories of you. Whatever is left you can have. Throw it out, give it to someone, I don't care. I just don't want to ever see it again," I told him. "Or you."

After zipping the last of my bags I picked them up and headed for the door, Ethan right behind me. I nearly fell down the steps from the weight and quantity of my bags. Thank God for fucking railings, because Ethan didn't bother to help, not that I thought he would.

I shoved my stuff into the backseat of my car and then slid into the driver's seat. He hovered above me, his chin resting on both of his hands which sat on top of the open door.

"So this is goodbye, huh?"

"Yeah," I replied just above a whisper, nodding my head.

"For forever?"

"For Forever."

Ethan sighed. "Well, I'll miss you. Good luck, Nicolette."

"Goodbye, Ethan."

He shut the door after that, almost reluctantly. Seconds later, I was backing out of the parking space, soon out of Ethan's sight. I didn't look back at him, I forced myself not to. It would just be worse than it already was.

However, as soon as I reached the stop sign around the corner, I broke down. I laid my head on the steering wheel and let the tears fall from my cheeks. Crying wasn't something I was prone to, but I let myself go this time.

While being with Ethan for three years was more miserable than I ever thought imaginable, there were still great memories to come from it. It would take time, I knew that, to heal from the scars he cut so deep and to forget the good times, but he only partially damaged me. My family, they weren't so innocent either, abandoning me like I wasn't their own flesh and blood. I had to move on from that, too.

I refused to feel sorry for myself, but I did hate who I was. I was finally realizing what I horrible person I was. I was a liar, a bitch, every name in the book. I drank, I swore, broke all the rules, and distrusted everyone. I wondered how I had ever made it this far through life. Some miracle, maybe.

I was pulled from my thoughts when a car behind me laid on the horn. I was tempted to shove my arm out the window and give him the finger, but I thought better of it and pulled onto the main road, a destination already in mind.

~!@#$%^&*()_+

I didn't think anyone was home when I pulled into the familiar driveway, but I quickly found out that I had been wrong. He was already out the front door and half way down the sidewalk by the time I stepped out of the car.

"Hi," I said, meekly, when he reached me.

He smiled a big, wide grin. "I'm happy to see you."

"So am I," I told him truthfully.

If it were possible, his smile grew bigger. But worry sprang to his face as he looked through the car windows. "Are you moving or something?"

"Not Exactly," I replied, causing his eyebrows to raise. "Jordan, you were right, about everything. My family, Ethan, everything. I push people away because I can't trust a soul, Ethan included.. as of today."

"You can trust me," he promised.

I gave him a small smile. "You gave me direction. You saw all of the bad in me and made me see it too, but you also saw the good, something most people fail to do because I spent my entire life hiding it. I can't even begin to explain to you how shitty I feel and how..," I drifted, unable to find the right words.

"I know that I don't deserve to be forgiven for what I did to you, but I still want to apologize. I'm sorry that I stepped all over you and ignored your feelings for so long, and I'm sorry that it took all these years to realize how much I need you. I don't know why you chose me to love, of all people," I said, shrugging before looking up to him with a smile. "But I'm glad you did. So I guess what I'm trying to say is.. I'm willing to let you be a part of my life, willing to let you love me."

Jordan's face went from expressionless to ecstatic in less than a second. He picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. The next thing I knew, he was leaning in and letting his lips meet mine.

I was sort of surprised at first; this was pretty out of character for Jordan. Nevertheless, I kissed him back before smiling in the middle of it. We laughed and pulled away from each other before he set me back down on the ground.

"I've wanted to do that since the very first day you walked into Mr. West's class in grade one."

"Why didn't you?"

"I always thought you'd beat the shit out of me," he shrugged, chuckling a little as he slid his fingers between mine.

I couldn't help but laugh at him. "I should probably get my stuff. I mean, unless you don't want me to stay here."

"No," he told me, shaking his head. "I want you to stay here, with me, forever."