The Dates.

Jake sat beside me at the picnic bench, making me feel increasingly aware of how exposed we were to the entire student body as he waved one of his damn poster around in his hand, trying to draw the attention of passing girls to get them to sign up for the interviews.

We were sat outside in the school quad and had pitched up our interview sign up desk smack bang in the middle of it. Everyone was already outside because it was break time.

"Quit it, man. It's bad enough you've talked me into this." I mumbled, ducking further into my seat in a failed attempt to hide.

Jake's arm found my shoulder and he pulled me back up to full height. "Don't hide. The girls should at least know who they're gonna date."

I could imagine myself knocking the whole bench over and giving Jake a good beating for putting me through this. I restrained myself though, instead being content with just imagining that I could actually beat the crap out of him. He pulled his usual smirk when he knew he was getting his own way and clapped a hand hard against my back. I don't know if he'd done it to remind me of his physical strength or what; I just knew it had done that job either way.

"Right. So I like, have this list of girls who have already signed up for the date thing, right? You're lucky, dude. Some of them are hot!" he grinned, throwing down a clipboard which held the names of the girls who'd actually agreed to this.

My eyes scanned down the (long) list and I suspiciously looked up again at Jake. He was smiling sheepishly at me, like he was up to something.

"Okay, what did you do?" I sighed, knowing this was probably something else he'd done that would humiliate me.

Jake feigned horror and threw a hand over his heart, like he was deeply wounded from my accusation. "I would never, ever interfere with this, Andy. This is your thing."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Yeah, but it was your idea. You're treating this whole thing like it's your child and you want it to go smoothly. You'd do anything for this to go right, I can tell."

He contemplated me for a second before he threw his legs over the bench seat to stand and held his hands up. Just as he was opening his mouth to speak, I raised a finger, pausing him before he went on.

"Is this going to be something that I find embarrassing, first of all?" I asked, wanting to get that out of the way before I could allow my ears to hear whatever he was going to tell me. It was just preparation for it, really. I've learned you had to do that with Jake.

"I'd suppose you would, yes."

"And were you aware, at the time of doing whatever you did, that it would embarrass me?" I said, gauging his reaction carefully. He was holding a perfect poker face.

"Maybe I was. Maybe I wasn't." he replied mysteriously, casually picking at the dirt trapped beneath his nails.

"I'm going to take that as a yes. Fine, go on. No doubt I'll find out sooner or later anyway. I'd rather hear it from the meddler himself." I groaned, waving an unwilling hand for him to proceed.

He clapped his hands together and stood up to pace around the table thoughtfully. After a moment, he stopped directly in front of me and jabbed at the list of girls with his finger.

"Some of these girls...well, I told them stuff." he confessed, having the decency to look a little bit guilty, at least.

"What things?" I said slowly, keeping eye contact with Jake as he tried to look away.

"Well...first off, I told them you were a decent guy. You get good grades, you're dedicated to whatever you commit to, that sort of stuff." he began, all the while it was feeling like this was all leading somewhere very, very horrible.

I nodded. "That seems pretty reasonable. What else?"

"Well..." he said reluctantly. "I sort of told them that you're real sensitive and you like to get things off your chest, like you cry when you're alone and what have you. Girls like that sort of stuff, Andrew, and it really worked. Half the girls written down only agreed to take part when they heard about how in touch with your emotions you are."

I didn't say anything. I didn't think I could. I just lifted both my hands up and dragged them across my face, stopping when I'd covered my eyes. Jake had banished my masculinity. I was no longer a tough, manly man. I was a boy who cried into his pillow at night. And that is the worst thing that could ever be spoken about the male species; we have feelings. It was like admitting weakness to an opponent.

"Hey, Andy? Stay like that, would you?" Jake suddenly ordered.

"Why?" I said, my voice coming out muffled through my fingers.

"Because it looks like you're crying. I could take a picture and send it around the school, just imagine how many girls will turn up if I sent emails out. I could reach so many more people..."

I withdrew my hands from my face in a flash, standing up to face Jake angrily.

"Jake, I'm gonna get the life kicked out of me from all the guys in the school if word gets out." I told him in what I hoped was a calm voice. He may be an idiot but he's my best friend. I don't want to fall out with him over this.

He hardly looked bothered by this news. Actually, it seemed like he hadn't heard me at all.

"Jake? Did you hear what I just said to you? I'm a dead man walking."

His eyes focused back on me and he shook his head. "Don't worry, And. I'll protect you. I'm like the Hulk when I get going. I love me a good fight."

I shouldn't throttle him. That would get me kicked out of the school and I cared more about my education than killing my best friend. I was about to tell him as much when Angelica Hall came strutting up to our bench.

She flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder and leaned nonchalantly against the side of the table.

"Hey, there." she said as she lifted up a poster between her finger and thumb. "I got one of these from my locker today and I really couldn't resist when I saw you were holding interviews. It's different, I like it."

I couldn't talk. I just gawped at her instead. I could sense Jake was somewhere around but the lack of his voice informed me he was in the same boat as I was.

"Anyway." she went on. "How do I sign up for this interview thing? Is this the list?"

Before I could even get my mouth to flap about and hopefully form some sort of coherent sentence, she picked up the clipboard and swiftly pulled out a pink marker pen. As if it were something she had done a thousand times before, she scribbled her name down at the bottom of the list and dropped the clipboard back in front of me.

"It was nice talking to you." she laughed, turning her back to us to stride away like a supermodel.

I could only stare stupidly at the loopy, pink signature she had left on the sign up sheet. Next to it she had left an 'X' for a kiss.

"Jesus." Jake whistled, ending his unusually long silence. I think in all my years in knowing him, he had never been that quiet before. "Angelica freaking Hall!"

I nodded stiffly. "Yeah...how about it."