Status: Finished
Drop The World
Keep Ya Head Up
But Please Dont Cry, Dry Your Eyes, Never Let Up
Forgive But Dont Forget, Girl Keep Ya Head Up
And When He Tells You, You Aint Nothinqq
Don't Believe Him!
And If He Cant Learn To Love You, You Should Leave Him
Cause Sista You Dont Need Him
And I Aint Tryinqq To Gas Ya Up
I Just Call Em How I See Em !
<>Tupac<> Sonqq : Keep Ya Head Up
$-Rashad-$
"This the hideout?" I asked, in shock.
Slade sighed and his fake moustache fell. "Unfortunately, it was a last minute request, iight? You shouldve seen the other one it was a beauty." He said.
I nodded and got out of the brokedown cadillac.
We were here. I was back in Chicago...and I was standing in front of my "home". I really hope nothing happens in this week, so then I can go back to ATL.
"So...Shonnie is still here?" I asked, nervously.
He nodded. "Yup! She's been blowing up my phone asking where you at for the longest! Why? You scared?" He joked.
"Hell yeah! The last time I spoke to her...I broke up with her....and now I have no feelings for her whatsoever." I admitted.
He shrugged. "Well then ignore her...and I think she can tell that you move on...judging by that ring, necklace, and outfit. Boy you and that girl must be serious." He laughed.
"We are. I don't even feel like me, cuz she's not here with me. I'm used to being by her 24/9."
He nodded and we both got out the car, and walked up to the dingy house. Each step I got closer...the faster my heart beat. But there was a TINY bit of excitement of seeing Shonnie again.
He knocked on the door, and it swung open revealing...my mom.
Or is it?
This woman looked beautiful. Her hair hung down her back in a tight pnytail, and her teeth were white. This woman looked bathed, and clean...from drugs.
"Mom?"
She smiled and pulled me into a tight hug. "I missed you so much Rashad..." She whispered.
I pulled away. "Mom, what happened? Did you-"
"Ive been clean ever since you left Rashad. Slade and your girlfriend-I mean Shonnie helped me." She beamed.
I smiled and gave dap to Slade. Do you know how long I've been waiting for this moment? MY WHOLE LIFE! I have NEVER seen my mom off of drugs...she's been taking them for as long as I can remember.
"Im proud of you mom." I smiled, giving her another hug.
"Thank you. Now you get yourself washed up! Dinner will be ready in another hour or so, and then you can tell me about this Carmen girl and your stay." She giggled, flipping my chain.
I nodded and began walking to the back of the house.
Damn, that's gonna take some getting used too!
There was a stair case that lead to the rest of the house, but it lead downstairs. I ain't never seen that before...
I walked down the stairs and on my right side there was the bathroom. I set my bags down on the floor and walked over to the bathroom. Right when I reached the door, it opened and out came Shonnie.
For a second we just stared at eachother in shock, but then a wide grin spread across her face, and immediately one came to mine.
I opened my arms and she jumped into them. Reflexively, my arms wraped
around her and I picked her up off her feet, spinning us around.
I have NO FEELINGS for Shonnie...but I DID miss her. Her, and my boys.
I set her down on her feet and there were tears in her eyes. "Rashad I missed you so much..." She said, with her voice cracking.
"I missed you too Shonnie...really." I admitted.
She smiled and then her face fell when she saw my outfit. "Oh...you must really love her don't you?" She scoffed, angrily.
Fxck! I knew this part was coming!
"Shonnie just let me explain-"
"No! There's nothing else to talk about Rashad! You fxck me and then leave me! That's cool, I understand!" She hissed, the tears beginning to fall.
I grabbed her arm. "Shonnie! I-"
"No! Dont you fxcking touch me! My parents were right about you! You ain't shixt! They told me from the beginning that you'd break my heart, and I wouldn't listen! Why?! BECAUSE I LOVED YOU! And this is how you repay me?! Fxck you Rashad! Fxck you!" She hollered.
She stomped out of the room leaving me standing there feeling like shixt, but then she came back in.
"And I hope you know I was fxcking Doe Boi on the side anyway!" She sneered.
And then she really walked out the room, leaving me feeling like shixt.
$-Carmen-$
"Carmen? Honey, are you awake?" My mom asked, knocking on the door.
I was lying down on my bed, just staring at the wall, in a daze.
I've been in this same spot ALL day. I only moved to use the bathroom, and that's it. I didn't eat, or even drink anything...because I wasn't hungry or thirsty. I felt like I was dead...and it hasn't even been a full day yet.
I know some of you are thinking that I'm being over dramamtic and stupid...and if you think that...then you don't know what true love is. What him and I had...WAS true love, and if you disagree, then you must be one lonely person.
"Yeah mom...I'm okay." I whispered.
She sighed and closed the door, and I heard her sit down on my bed.
"Babe...I know you're sad and-"
"No one. Knows how I feel, mom. Why did he have to leave me?" I asked, the tears starting to come again.
"Leave you? Carmen the last thing he wanted to do was leave you! Come on, you know better than that!" She exclaimed.
I sat up and dried my eyes. "You don't understand mom...he couldve stayed." I mumbled.
Her eyebrows rose. "Is there something I'm missing here Cam?" She asked, slyly.
I know this is a bad thing Im about to do, but who cares? I can trust my mom with ANYTHING, & I know she won't tell anyone. She'll be pissed though, very pissed. & what I'm about to do could jeopardize everything I have with Rashad.
I nodded. "He didn't come here because his mother had cancer..." I took a deep breath. "He came here because Christian is after him." I smirked.
Her eyes widened and her face went pale white. "Wh-what did you say?!" She shrieked, her eyes about to pop out her socket.
I wiped the tears that were about to fall...and told her the story.
$-$-$-$-$-$
When I was finished my mom didn't say a word, nothing. She sobbed the whole time I spoke. I've seen my mother cry before, but this...she was literally crying a river. She didn't know that Christian was like that, at all.
"I'll be back." She whispered, rushing out of my room, slamming the door behind her.
I sighed heavily. Rashad's going to kill me if he ever finds out what I just did...but he'll forgive me. I can't call or text him, cuz he said not too...so basically I have to wait for him to call me. What the fxck could he possibly be doing?! Like damn!
My phone was blown up with messages from everyone about Rashad...but I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I just want to go to school, talk to my man...and wait.
$-2 Days Later-$
$-Rashad-$
These last two days have been nothing but a fxcking nightmare.
First off, Felicia popped up at our door last night saying she was leaving Chicago, and was leaving out of the country. She didn't say where, and I didn't ask. But she did warn us of how Christian is looking for us.
Secondly...I might go to jail for attempted murder. Shonnie is constantly on my dixck. The only time she leaves me alone, is when I'm talking to Carmen on the phone, and that's usually all night. I can't talk to her through the day time because she's at school, so as soon as she gets home from school, I call her and...I usually don't hang up until I talk her to sleep. I love my babygirl, so we don't ever get bored.
But Shonnie...I have never seen a female so desperate. All she does is talk shi+ and complains of how bogus I was for breaking up with her. Damn, get a life! I'm NOT coming back to you, and on top of that...the bi+ch was fxcking with Doe Boi while I was gone!
I haven't seen or talked to my boys, and I don't want too. Fxck them, well not Myron. I miss that niggxh.
So right now it's about 2 in the morning and I'm up watching The Boondocks in my room. I just got done talking to Carmen on the phone, but she had to go because she had a test in the morning.
In since I have to stay cooped up in this house, my phone, PS3 and the TV are my best friends. Today's Wednesday, and all I have to wait is 2 more days to be back in Carmen arms! Just two more days! Fxck, I can hardly wait! I get excited from just thinking about it...
"Rashad? You awake?" Shonnie asked, opening my door up a crack.
"Yeah, what you want?" I muttered, not taking my eyes off the TV.
"Can I chill with you? Please?"
"Yeah come on."
Sometimes Shonnie can have her 'cool' moments where she's...normal. But tomorrow she's going to be the bi+ch I can't stand. She climbed on the bed and sat down next to me.
After a moment of silence she said, "So...you never told me about her."
My eyes widened. "What?"
She turned and looked at me. "You never told me about her, Rashad. The girl who stole-uhm...I mean who you're with." She repeated.
I don't know why but I got nervous as fxck. What if she snaps?
"Well...I didn't think...you would wanna know." I replied, slowly.
She smacked her lips. "Well I want too...so tell me."
I took a deep breath. "Her names Carmen...she's 16, a sophomore-"
"A sophomore?! Are you kidding?! You chose a-"
"And this is exactly why I didn't want to talk about her to your ass." I snapped, turning away.
Her face fell. "Okay, okay! I'm sorry, alright?! Please...can you continue?" She asked.
I frowned. Why was she so eager to know?
"Okay fine, don't talk. I'll ask...so, you find her more attractive than me?" She asked.
I tensed up. "Shonnie we shouldn't talk like this-"
"Its okay...I won't get mad."
I sighed. Alright, she's bringing this on herself! "Yes Shonnie, I do."
Her face fell and I saw sadness in her eyes. "Uhm okay...wow...I'm actually kind of...not surprised." She choked out.
I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. All I know is...I feel guilty as fxck.
She sighed. "Im sorry for what I said to you...when you got here. & didn't mean what I said about Doe Boi...and I. I was just mad and I wanted you to feel like-"
"You do?" I finished for her.
She nodded. "Uhm...yeah. Like me."
"Its cool, and I don't blame you. I wouldve probably done the same thing if it was switched around." I admitted.
She laughed, but I could still hint the hurt in her voice. "Fa real?"
"Yes I'm fa real. Shonnie I love you, and I always will, but-"
"Youre IN love with her. It's fine Rashad you don't have to explain anything else, but can I ask you one more question?"
"Sure I guess."
She took a deep breath. "What happened with us? What does she have that I don't?"
I sware my stomach dropped to the bottom of my feet. How the hell does she expect for me to answer that?!
I hesitated. "Sh-Shonnie...we shouldn't talk about that, no joke. How do you expect for me to answer that?" I asked.
"To be real with me, that's how. Before YOU left ME, you could tell ME anything! I bet you told her everything, am I right? I bet you kept it 100 with her, while you keep it 30 with me..." She hissed.
I decided not to even calm her down. "You know what? You damn right Shonnie! I DID tell her everything, I even told her ass about YOU! I told her abot my sister, my mom, and WHY I was there! I didn't even tell YOU why I went there! SHE found out before YOU, and YOU were my 'girlfriend' at the time!" I snapped.
Her mouth dropped and pain seared across her face. I saw the tears in her eyes, but I couldn't stop...she got me too heated.
And what I'm about to say...please everyone, don't hate me.
"So in since you want me to keep it 100 with you, I will. Carmen and I fxcked the night before her and I left, and I didn't use protection. So basically she's pregnant with MY kid! I've been with yo ass for all my life, and I didnt want you to have my child! I've been with you for my whole life, and I haven't bought you shixt but a necklace! I've been with you my whole life and I don't tell you 'i love you' everyday! I've been with you my whole life, and I damn sure didn't propose to you!" I screamed, angrily.
"How could you say that to me?!" She screamed.
She ran out of the room crying, and slammed the door behind her.
It was only until she was gone...that I noticed how uncalled and bogus that was.
$-Carmen-$
2 days have passed and I'm...living it, doing okay.
Sike !
My routine is: Wake up, talk to Rashad, get dressed, talk to Rashad on my way to school, go to school, go home and talk to Rashad for the WHOLE DAY. I even talk to him while I'm doing homework, and studying! We don't even have to say anything...just hearing him breath...is all enough for me.
I'm ONLY happy, when I hear his voice. At school, I'm a wreck...I don't even really talk to my friends that much. I know they all talk about me bu I could care less, they're not going through what I am. And Nico...fxck him and his sister. I don't and won't talk to them ever again. First of all, I caught Nicole and Tori having a very deep conversation about me in the girs bathroom. Dumb bi+ches didn't know I was in there. And Nico...ehh I just don't talk to him anymore. I only say 'hi' if he says it but other than that...I'm all alone:(.
"Carmen you ready to go?" Cameron asked, busting into my room.
I had just got done putting my hair into a ponytail, and I was dressed for school. I was wearing Rashad's beater, with a pair of grey baggy sweats to match. I let them sagg so I could show off Rashad's boxers. I put on our neckalce and slipped on some flip flops.
"Yeah here I come..." I answered, solemnly.
Ever since I told my mother about Rashad...she hasn't talked to me since. It's like she's avoiding me or something! But whatever...I'd rather not talk to her anyway.
I said bye to Carley and Tommy, and then I followed Cameron to his Ferari. We got in and he began to drive to my school.
I'll admit something here...I AM depressed, and I feel no reason to live unless I'm talking to Rashad. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal or anything! It's just...uqh, you know how I feel.
"Carmen, are you eating?" Cameron blurted out.
I frowned. I HATE talking, unless it's with Rashad. "Uhm yes...why?" I asked, sheepishly.
He sighed. "Because you look...skinner." He said, eyeing me.
& he was right. I WASNT eating, well that much. I just don't have a taste for food anymore.
I shrugged and looked out the window, giving him a signal that I didn't want to talk any longer. But of course my brother doesn't understand those type of 'signals'.
"Just because he's gone Carmen, doesn't mean you have to stop living." He said.
"Whatever Cameron." I snapped.
"Dont get mad, I'm trying to-"
By now we were parked in front of the school, and everyone was walking into the building. Usually, Nico & Nicole would be here waiting for me...but I kissed that goodbye a long time ago.
"Bye Cameron, see ya at home." I muttered, hopping out the car.
I walked into the school and straight to my locker, avoiding eye contact wih anyone. I got my books for my first class, and when I closed my locker...I jumped when I saw Nico standing there.
"Shi+ Nico!" I exclaimed.
He laughed. "Sorry Cam...I-I didn't mean to scare you..." He said, softly.
Nico was fully healed, but his arm was in a cast.
"Okay...what do you want?" I asked.
I didn't want to sound mean but...I just want to get to class and get the fxck out of here.
"Nothing...I just wanted to see how you are..."
"Okay well you've seen Nico, bye." I snapped, walking away.
I turned to go but he grabbed my arm.
"Let me go." I growled.
Anger flashed across his face. "You know what? Fxck you then! I was trying to be nice to your ass and help you out, because you totally shut everybody off!" He roared.
It was like the whole hallway, stopped and began to watch. I saw Nicole, Katiana, Lolo, Jasmine, Tori and The Twins standing by the lockers, watching...making no attempt of anything.
Hurt and shock covered my body and I felt like I had been tazered, and couldn't speak. "Wh-what?" I choked out.
"Oh now you can hear me?! When someone speaks the truth to your ass?! Ever since he's left you've blown everybody off, and pretty much said fxck you! You don't even talk anymore! I was trying to do you a favor so you wouldn't be so alone...but you're nothing but a bi+ch! Fxck you!" He hissed.
And then he walked past me, bumping my shoulder and making my books fall.
Tears started to swell up and I looked around, and everyone was just staring at me.
My "friends" just stared, and I saw a wicked grin cover Tori's face.
Not wanting to breakdown and cry in front of the whole student body, I did only the thing I could do.
Run.
I turned away from everyone and bolted out of the door, tears streaming down my face. How...how could he embarrass me like that?! FXCK EBERYBODY! I HATE MY LIFE!
I ran to the side of the building, and slunk down the wall, sobbing.
I'll NEVER forgive Nico for this! EVER! I pulled my phone out and called the one person that could help me at a time like this...my soulmate.
Forgive But Dont Forget, Girl Keep Ya Head Up
And When He Tells You, You Aint Nothinqq
Don't Believe Him!
And If He Cant Learn To Love You, You Should Leave Him
Cause Sista You Dont Need Him
And I Aint Tryinqq To Gas Ya Up
I Just Call Em How I See Em !
<>Tupac<> Sonqq : Keep Ya Head Up
$-Rashad-$
"This the hideout?" I asked, in shock.
Slade sighed and his fake moustache fell. "Unfortunately, it was a last minute request, iight? You shouldve seen the other one it was a beauty." He said.
I nodded and got out of the brokedown cadillac.
We were here. I was back in Chicago...and I was standing in front of my "home". I really hope nothing happens in this week, so then I can go back to ATL.
"So...Shonnie is still here?" I asked, nervously.
He nodded. "Yup! She's been blowing up my phone asking where you at for the longest! Why? You scared?" He joked.
"Hell yeah! The last time I spoke to her...I broke up with her....and now I have no feelings for her whatsoever." I admitted.
He shrugged. "Well then ignore her...and I think she can tell that you move on...judging by that ring, necklace, and outfit. Boy you and that girl must be serious." He laughed.
"We are. I don't even feel like me, cuz she's not here with me. I'm used to being by her 24/9."
He nodded and we both got out the car, and walked up to the dingy house. Each step I got closer...the faster my heart beat. But there was a TINY bit of excitement of seeing Shonnie again.
He knocked on the door, and it swung open revealing...my mom.
Or is it?
This woman looked beautiful. Her hair hung down her back in a tight pnytail, and her teeth were white. This woman looked bathed, and clean...from drugs.
"Mom?"
She smiled and pulled me into a tight hug. "I missed you so much Rashad..." She whispered.
I pulled away. "Mom, what happened? Did you-"
"Ive been clean ever since you left Rashad. Slade and your girlfriend-I mean Shonnie helped me." She beamed.
I smiled and gave dap to Slade. Do you know how long I've been waiting for this moment? MY WHOLE LIFE! I have NEVER seen my mom off of drugs...she's been taking them for as long as I can remember.
"Im proud of you mom." I smiled, giving her another hug.
"Thank you. Now you get yourself washed up! Dinner will be ready in another hour or so, and then you can tell me about this Carmen girl and your stay." She giggled, flipping my chain.
I nodded and began walking to the back of the house.
Damn, that's gonna take some getting used too!
There was a stair case that lead to the rest of the house, but it lead downstairs. I ain't never seen that before...
I walked down the stairs and on my right side there was the bathroom. I set my bags down on the floor and walked over to the bathroom. Right when I reached the door, it opened and out came Shonnie.
For a second we just stared at eachother in shock, but then a wide grin spread across her face, and immediately one came to mine.
I opened my arms and she jumped into them. Reflexively, my arms wraped
around her and I picked her up off her feet, spinning us around.
I have NO FEELINGS for Shonnie...but I DID miss her. Her, and my boys.
I set her down on her feet and there were tears in her eyes. "Rashad I missed you so much..." She said, with her voice cracking.
"I missed you too Shonnie...really." I admitted.
She smiled and then her face fell when she saw my outfit. "Oh...you must really love her don't you?" She scoffed, angrily.
Fxck! I knew this part was coming!
"Shonnie just let me explain-"
"No! There's nothing else to talk about Rashad! You fxck me and then leave me! That's cool, I understand!" She hissed, the tears beginning to fall.
I grabbed her arm. "Shonnie! I-"
"No! Dont you fxcking touch me! My parents were right about you! You ain't shixt! They told me from the beginning that you'd break my heart, and I wouldn't listen! Why?! BECAUSE I LOVED YOU! And this is how you repay me?! Fxck you Rashad! Fxck you!" She hollered.
She stomped out of the room leaving me standing there feeling like shixt, but then she came back in.
"And I hope you know I was fxcking Doe Boi on the side anyway!" She sneered.
And then she really walked out the room, leaving me feeling like shixt.
$-Carmen-$
"Carmen? Honey, are you awake?" My mom asked, knocking on the door.
I was lying down on my bed, just staring at the wall, in a daze.
I've been in this same spot ALL day. I only moved to use the bathroom, and that's it. I didn't eat, or even drink anything...because I wasn't hungry or thirsty. I felt like I was dead...and it hasn't even been a full day yet.
I know some of you are thinking that I'm being over dramamtic and stupid...and if you think that...then you don't know what true love is. What him and I had...WAS true love, and if you disagree, then you must be one lonely person.
"Yeah mom...I'm okay." I whispered.
She sighed and closed the door, and I heard her sit down on my bed.
"Babe...I know you're sad and-"
"No one. Knows how I feel, mom. Why did he have to leave me?" I asked, the tears starting to come again.
"Leave you? Carmen the last thing he wanted to do was leave you! Come on, you know better than that!" She exclaimed.
I sat up and dried my eyes. "You don't understand mom...he couldve stayed." I mumbled.
Her eyebrows rose. "Is there something I'm missing here Cam?" She asked, slyly.
I know this is a bad thing Im about to do, but who cares? I can trust my mom with ANYTHING, & I know she won't tell anyone. She'll be pissed though, very pissed. & what I'm about to do could jeopardize everything I have with Rashad.
I nodded. "He didn't come here because his mother had cancer..." I took a deep breath. "He came here because Christian is after him." I smirked.
Her eyes widened and her face went pale white. "Wh-what did you say?!" She shrieked, her eyes about to pop out her socket.
I wiped the tears that were about to fall...and told her the story.
$-$-$-$-$-$
When I was finished my mom didn't say a word, nothing. She sobbed the whole time I spoke. I've seen my mother cry before, but this...she was literally crying a river. She didn't know that Christian was like that, at all.
"I'll be back." She whispered, rushing out of my room, slamming the door behind her.
I sighed heavily. Rashad's going to kill me if he ever finds out what I just did...but he'll forgive me. I can't call or text him, cuz he said not too...so basically I have to wait for him to call me. What the fxck could he possibly be doing?! Like damn!
My phone was blown up with messages from everyone about Rashad...but I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I just want to go to school, talk to my man...and wait.
$-2 Days Later-$
$-Rashad-$
These last two days have been nothing but a fxcking nightmare.
First off, Felicia popped up at our door last night saying she was leaving Chicago, and was leaving out of the country. She didn't say where, and I didn't ask. But she did warn us of how Christian is looking for us.
Secondly...I might go to jail for attempted murder. Shonnie is constantly on my dixck. The only time she leaves me alone, is when I'm talking to Carmen on the phone, and that's usually all night. I can't talk to her through the day time because she's at school, so as soon as she gets home from school, I call her and...I usually don't hang up until I talk her to sleep. I love my babygirl, so we don't ever get bored.
But Shonnie...I have never seen a female so desperate. All she does is talk shi+ and complains of how bogus I was for breaking up with her. Damn, get a life! I'm NOT coming back to you, and on top of that...the bi+ch was fxcking with Doe Boi while I was gone!
I haven't seen or talked to my boys, and I don't want too. Fxck them, well not Myron. I miss that niggxh.
So right now it's about 2 in the morning and I'm up watching The Boondocks in my room. I just got done talking to Carmen on the phone, but she had to go because she had a test in the morning.
In since I have to stay cooped up in this house, my phone, PS3 and the TV are my best friends. Today's Wednesday, and all I have to wait is 2 more days to be back in Carmen arms! Just two more days! Fxck, I can hardly wait! I get excited from just thinking about it...
"Rashad? You awake?" Shonnie asked, opening my door up a crack.
"Yeah, what you want?" I muttered, not taking my eyes off the TV.
"Can I chill with you? Please?"
"Yeah come on."
Sometimes Shonnie can have her 'cool' moments where she's...normal. But tomorrow she's going to be the bi+ch I can't stand. She climbed on the bed and sat down next to me.
After a moment of silence she said, "So...you never told me about her."
My eyes widened. "What?"
She turned and looked at me. "You never told me about her, Rashad. The girl who stole-uhm...I mean who you're with." She repeated.
I don't know why but I got nervous as fxck. What if she snaps?
"Well...I didn't think...you would wanna know." I replied, slowly.
She smacked her lips. "Well I want too...so tell me."
I took a deep breath. "Her names Carmen...she's 16, a sophomore-"
"A sophomore?! Are you kidding?! You chose a-"
"And this is exactly why I didn't want to talk about her to your ass." I snapped, turning away.
Her face fell. "Okay, okay! I'm sorry, alright?! Please...can you continue?" She asked.
I frowned. Why was she so eager to know?
"Okay fine, don't talk. I'll ask...so, you find her more attractive than me?" She asked.
I tensed up. "Shonnie we shouldn't talk like this-"
"Its okay...I won't get mad."
I sighed. Alright, she's bringing this on herself! "Yes Shonnie, I do."
Her face fell and I saw sadness in her eyes. "Uhm okay...wow...I'm actually kind of...not surprised." She choked out.
I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. All I know is...I feel guilty as fxck.
She sighed. "Im sorry for what I said to you...when you got here. & didn't mean what I said about Doe Boi...and I. I was just mad and I wanted you to feel like-"
"You do?" I finished for her.
She nodded. "Uhm...yeah. Like me."
"Its cool, and I don't blame you. I wouldve probably done the same thing if it was switched around." I admitted.
She laughed, but I could still hint the hurt in her voice. "Fa real?"
"Yes I'm fa real. Shonnie I love you, and I always will, but-"
"Youre IN love with her. It's fine Rashad you don't have to explain anything else, but can I ask you one more question?"
"Sure I guess."
She took a deep breath. "What happened with us? What does she have that I don't?"
I sware my stomach dropped to the bottom of my feet. How the hell does she expect for me to answer that?!
I hesitated. "Sh-Shonnie...we shouldn't talk about that, no joke. How do you expect for me to answer that?" I asked.
"To be real with me, that's how. Before YOU left ME, you could tell ME anything! I bet you told her everything, am I right? I bet you kept it 100 with her, while you keep it 30 with me..." She hissed.
I decided not to even calm her down. "You know what? You damn right Shonnie! I DID tell her everything, I even told her ass about YOU! I told her abot my sister, my mom, and WHY I was there! I didn't even tell YOU why I went there! SHE found out before YOU, and YOU were my 'girlfriend' at the time!" I snapped.
Her mouth dropped and pain seared across her face. I saw the tears in her eyes, but I couldn't stop...she got me too heated.
And what I'm about to say...please everyone, don't hate me.
"So in since you want me to keep it 100 with you, I will. Carmen and I fxcked the night before her and I left, and I didn't use protection. So basically she's pregnant with MY kid! I've been with yo ass for all my life, and I didnt want you to have my child! I've been with you for my whole life, and I haven't bought you shixt but a necklace! I've been with you my whole life and I don't tell you 'i love you' everyday! I've been with you my whole life, and I damn sure didn't propose to you!" I screamed, angrily.
"How could you say that to me?!" She screamed.
She ran out of the room crying, and slammed the door behind her.
It was only until she was gone...that I noticed how uncalled and bogus that was.
$-Carmen-$
2 days have passed and I'm...living it, doing okay.
Sike !
My routine is: Wake up, talk to Rashad, get dressed, talk to Rashad on my way to school, go to school, go home and talk to Rashad for the WHOLE DAY. I even talk to him while I'm doing homework, and studying! We don't even have to say anything...just hearing him breath...is all enough for me.
I'm ONLY happy, when I hear his voice. At school, I'm a wreck...I don't even really talk to my friends that much. I know they all talk about me bu I could care less, they're not going through what I am. And Nico...fxck him and his sister. I don't and won't talk to them ever again. First of all, I caught Nicole and Tori having a very deep conversation about me in the girs bathroom. Dumb bi+ches didn't know I was in there. And Nico...ehh I just don't talk to him anymore. I only say 'hi' if he says it but other than that...I'm all alone:(.
"Carmen you ready to go?" Cameron asked, busting into my room.
I had just got done putting my hair into a ponytail, and I was dressed for school. I was wearing Rashad's beater, with a pair of grey baggy sweats to match. I let them sagg so I could show off Rashad's boxers. I put on our neckalce and slipped on some flip flops.
"Yeah here I come..." I answered, solemnly.
Ever since I told my mother about Rashad...she hasn't talked to me since. It's like she's avoiding me or something! But whatever...I'd rather not talk to her anyway.
I said bye to Carley and Tommy, and then I followed Cameron to his Ferari. We got in and he began to drive to my school.
I'll admit something here...I AM depressed, and I feel no reason to live unless I'm talking to Rashad. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal or anything! It's just...uqh, you know how I feel.
"Carmen, are you eating?" Cameron blurted out.
I frowned. I HATE talking, unless it's with Rashad. "Uhm yes...why?" I asked, sheepishly.
He sighed. "Because you look...skinner." He said, eyeing me.
& he was right. I WASNT eating, well that much. I just don't have a taste for food anymore.
I shrugged and looked out the window, giving him a signal that I didn't want to talk any longer. But of course my brother doesn't understand those type of 'signals'.
"Just because he's gone Carmen, doesn't mean you have to stop living." He said.
"Whatever Cameron." I snapped.
"Dont get mad, I'm trying to-"
By now we were parked in front of the school, and everyone was walking into the building. Usually, Nico & Nicole would be here waiting for me...but I kissed that goodbye a long time ago.
"Bye Cameron, see ya at home." I muttered, hopping out the car.
I walked into the school and straight to my locker, avoiding eye contact wih anyone. I got my books for my first class, and when I closed my locker...I jumped when I saw Nico standing there.
"Shi+ Nico!" I exclaimed.
He laughed. "Sorry Cam...I-I didn't mean to scare you..." He said, softly.
Nico was fully healed, but his arm was in a cast.
"Okay...what do you want?" I asked.
I didn't want to sound mean but...I just want to get to class and get the fxck out of here.
"Nothing...I just wanted to see how you are..."
"Okay well you've seen Nico, bye." I snapped, walking away.
I turned to go but he grabbed my arm.
"Let me go." I growled.
Anger flashed across his face. "You know what? Fxck you then! I was trying to be nice to your ass and help you out, because you totally shut everybody off!" He roared.
It was like the whole hallway, stopped and began to watch. I saw Nicole, Katiana, Lolo, Jasmine, Tori and The Twins standing by the lockers, watching...making no attempt of anything.
Hurt and shock covered my body and I felt like I had been tazered, and couldn't speak. "Wh-what?" I choked out.
"Oh now you can hear me?! When someone speaks the truth to your ass?! Ever since he's left you've blown everybody off, and pretty much said fxck you! You don't even talk anymore! I was trying to do you a favor so you wouldn't be so alone...but you're nothing but a bi+ch! Fxck you!" He hissed.
And then he walked past me, bumping my shoulder and making my books fall.
Tears started to swell up and I looked around, and everyone was just staring at me.
My "friends" just stared, and I saw a wicked grin cover Tori's face.
Not wanting to breakdown and cry in front of the whole student body, I did only the thing I could do.
Run.
I turned away from everyone and bolted out of the door, tears streaming down my face. How...how could he embarrass me like that?! FXCK EBERYBODY! I HATE MY LIFE!
I ran to the side of the building, and slunk down the wall, sobbing.
I'll NEVER forgive Nico for this! EVER! I pulled my phone out and called the one person that could help me at a time like this...my soulmate.