Too Much

Jack

A few hours later I left Maddie’s house in a daze, denying to myself what had happened earlier that morning. Flashbacks began of what had happened, how I had had her in my arms and all the stuff that went down on that sofa. Instantly a classic Jack Barakat goofy smile crept its way upon my lips.

Kicking a stray stone along the pavement as I made the short walk to my house, I couldn’t believe that after all this time I finally found Maddie. She was everything I wanted in a girlfriend and so much more, she was my best friend and the only one who I could trust with everything. I think I even loved her, more than everything else.

Only a few steps up to my house and I would be home, but as my luck had it my phone began to vibrate within my black skinny jean pocket. Glancing down at the ID I noticed Alex’s name flashing before my eyes; curious as to what he wanted I clicked to answer the call.

“What’s up dude?”

“Jack please say you’re sitting down or near a chair?”

Curiosity got the better of me and I was getting pretty impatient by now, Alex had this habit ever since we were younger to make the simplest of explanations, turn into one huge dramatic and over-rehearsed story.

“Alex just spit it out for god sake I don’t have all day”

I mocked him out of spite and I could hear him take a huge breath down the phone before he spat out whatever news he was hiding, my mouth hung open in shock when he did.

“We won Rival Bands!! I just had the phone call from Matt, we go on tour tomorrow I know its short notice and all, but we need to start packing like tonight!”

My phone dropped on the floor cutting off my call with Alex immediately, yes I actually dropped my phone on the pavement. I didn’t think we’d win I mean there was a part of me that thought maybe, but that was only a small part.

None of us thought about what winning Rival Schools would do to us, well I hadn’t I don’t know about the other guys, Alex I’m pretty sure hadn’t thought about this at all. He mustn’t have because if he had, he would have mentioned Allie and Maddie...nothing.

This morning I lost my virginity to Maddie and now tonight I would have to go back and tell her I was leaving, I couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t. Looking in her eyes and having to say that sorry I can’t stay, I have to fly across the world and tour for god knows how long. I can’t and I won’t. She will never forgive me and for that I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.

Slamming the front door and running up to my bedroom, I paced back and forth in my room. What was I going to do? Tell Maddie and go on tour, lose her. Or not go on tour and face the possibility of staying with Maddie?

A knock on my bedroom door distracted me from my thoughts; standing in the doorway was my sister May. A sympathetic look on her face, she walked in sitting down on the bed. Tapping the space next to her on the bed, she silently indicated for me to join her, she wanted to know what was up.

“Jack what’s the matter? Maybe I can help?”

The thing with me and May is that we were so close as brother and sister, no matter what I tried to hide she always knew something was up. Sighing to myself I held my head in my hands, maybe she could help, but I didn’t want anyone’s help right now.

“Nothing is the matter May, I don’t need any help”

“Really? Because the slamming of the front door suggests otherwise”

Damn it.

“Fine May, you remember Maddie right?”

May nodded in understanding, knowing my problem involved a girl.

“Well we had sex last night, it was our first time and I love her so much. Alex rang me before though we won Rival Schools we leave for the Europe tour tomorrow! I can’t tell Maddie, she’ll never forgive me!”

May sighed inwardly, she knew I was being stupid and got myself into a tangled web that I couldn’t get out of. May usually had really good advice though, now she was just being silent.

“Jack do you love her? I mean really love her, not like date her for a few weeks, have sex, love her then ditch her. I mean really, really love her?”

That question struck a nerve with me, partially because I knew the answer almost immediately as May had asked it.

“Yes I do, more than any other girl I’ve been with”

“Well then you need to tell her the truth Jack, she will hate you more if you leave tomorrow without any explanation what so ever”

Groaning I fell back onto the bed, May was right I needed to tell her truth no matter how she reacted to it; she was owed that at least. Hugging my sister I grabbed a quick bite to eat before making my way back out of the house, it was now evening and I hadn’t even packed. Maddie was more important right at this moment.

Ruffling a hand through my messy hair, I walked up the path to Maddie and Allie’s house praying that she wasn’t in and I wouldn’t have to face doing this to her, but I knew she would be. Allie was probably over at Alex’s and their parent’s cars were both missing, so Maddie wouldn’t have gone anywhere else.

“Oh hey Jack, come in”

Maddie let me in once she had answered the door, she was wearing some leggings and a jumper, her hair was in a messy ponytail and all her make-up was wiped off. She looked amazing and I knew if I said that, she’d only deny it to me all the more.

“Urm hey, listen we need to talk”

I cut straight to the point I didn’t want to do an Alex and drag this whole thing out a lot longer than it needed to be. Maddie froze in her spot in the kitchen; she was making a cup of tea in her orange keep glam and rock on mug. She loved that mug, it described her perfectly and plus orange was her favourite colour.

“What’s up you got me all worried now?”

She stammered as she saw me sitting on the sofa and joined me, cup of tea fresh in her hand. It almost scared me shitless to have to tell her what I was about to say, I mean she had boiling hot liquid as an aid.

“I’m just going to come straight out with it because this is hard enough as it is. Alex called me this morning just after I left here, we urgh, well we won Rival Schools. We leave for tour tomorrow”

Maddie stayed completely silent, she and Allie knew that they wouldn’t be able to come with us. Matt had informed them completely about the no girls or girlfriends on tour. The silence that surrounded us and the house almost killed me. I could hear the water dripping from the sink in the kitchen, the clock ticking in the background and more importantly Maddie’s foot tapping gently on the laminate flooring underneath us.

“Sorry what?”

“We won Rival Schools, I leave tomorrow morning...I’m sorry”

That’s when she flipped, her blue eyes filled with water and she rose immediately off the sofa. The water cascading down her face, I stood up to wipe them away but she pushed me away.

“Was that all I was to you then huh?”

“What? Maddie I don’t understand?”

“Course you fucking understand! I understand fucking perfectly, I wasn’t special to you, you didn’t love me. You probably weren’t even a virgin; I was just a quick fuck to keep your bed warm for a few hours before you fuck off half across the world! You clearly weren’t even going to tell me in the first place because you wouldn’t of stringed me along, made love with me this morning and then fuck off. NO! No decent person would do that Jack! Do you understand me now, get out of my house and never come back, have fun on tour. Bye”

My heart tightened in my chest, I can’t explain. My stomach felt like it was exploding and my heart felt like it was about to leap out of my chest. I didn’t think she’d react like this, not to say all those things. Reaching out I tried to grasp her hand to pull her to me, to tell her that’s not the case.

“I mean it Jack. FUCK OFF!”

She shrugged off my grip and ran upstairs, following her upstairs I tried to reach her bedroom before she could. However my long legs failed me on this occasion and I was instantly shut out. Falling against the door I slide down to the floor, my knees tucked up to my chest. Before I got myself together and stood up I said the only thing that could come to mind.

“I’m sorry Maddie; I never meant to hurt you. Remember this though I did love you and always will love you. I’m just sorry this all happened at the wrong time”

Then that was that, I gave up. I gave up trying to fix things, to explain stuff to her, to tell how much she truly meant to me. I just left and probably never would come back. I couldn’t and Maddie certainly didn’t want me to. All I knew as I walked out of Maddie’s is that I’d be there for her if something ever happened to her, I would never give up on us...even if she had.