Too Much

"Do you want me to drive?"

Maddie looked at me sceptically, she worried about me way too much but right now she didn't need to I was fine, or that was what I kept telling myself but I was in fact far from that. My black bangs instead of hanging down and back combed, were tonight pulled back in a high ponytail. I didn't see any need to make an effort, I wasn't out to impress anyone in particular, however my thick eyelinered eyes still remained I never left the house without doing my eyeliner.

"Urm yeah sure if you don't mind"

"Well seeing as I'm not going in it will save you time, you can just jump right out of the car"
"I suppose so..."

Maddie trailed off she gave me that look that said either you hiding something from me Allie, or the I'll get you two back together eventually, you will come into the gig Allie. She was more likely to be right on the first option though, there wasn't a cat in hells chance she was getting me into that gig or anywhere near Alex Gaskarth tonight. Not at all.

Shortly after we drove off, Maddie had nodded off asleep. Looking over at her I must admit she did look really pretty tonight and Jack will be gobsmacked when he sees her. I'm glad they're going to sort things out, that she is going to give him another chance because if May and her mum hadn't of sorted the two of them out me, Sierra and Cass surely would have.

Drumming my fingers along the steering wheel I clocked myself doing it and stopped immediately, the last time someone did that was Alex when we drove back to his. Looking down at my attire I sighed to myself I hadn't put in any effort at all since they all left, I was wearing sweatpants and a grey tank top, I looked god damn awful.

The journey was meant to take 4 hours tops but because I was so anxious and worked up , I managed to pull into the venue parking lot half an hour early. Parking the car up against the tour buses to avoid security guards scooting me out of the main parking lot and avoiding the parking charges, I cut off the engine. Maddie awoke abruptly as soon as the engine cut, she rubbed her eyes gently as to not mess up her smoky eyes before taking in the surroundings and then checking the car clock for the time.

"Fuck Allie how many speed limits did you break"

Simply shrugging my shoulders Maddie sighed as I did so

"Allie please just come in and see them you don't have to talk to him, I'm just worried about is all. Jack would love to see you as would Zack and Rian and Alex they all miss you"

"I can't Maddie I can't explain it I just can't he took my virginity and then left me alone in his house, I just can't. Please respect that I only agreed to come to keep you company I'll wait in the car for you okay"

"Okay fine, I'm meeting Jack out back you want to come say hi"

"Not really..."

"Please Allie he didn't do anything wrong"

"Fine"

I reluctantly agreed to keep her quiet, we got out of the black jeep that belonged to Maddie's parents and headed towards the backstage entrance. Maddie indicated for me to hide by the side of the door while she stood smack bang in front of the door about two steps away from it, however after debating it for a while she took a few more steps back as a precaution. We all knew what Jack was like.

"JACK!!"

"What May fuck we have to go on soon!"

"Someone has delivered something outside for you, it's in the parking lot yard with the tour buses"

As soon as Maddie heard May's voice she panicked and starting fiddling with her clothes smoothing them out and running her fingers viciously through her hair, rolling my eyes I smacked my palm to my forehead, spotting a small stone down beside my navy vans I grasped it quickly and aimed it at her knee.

"The fuck Allie!?"

"You look fucking gorgeous quick faffing bitch!"

She laughed before stopping what she was doing, I think she was just glad a glimmer of my old self came back for a few moments, It did feel good to just act childish again and forget what the dick inside the venue did to me a month previous.

Suddenly the door handle magically moved down indicating Jack was just about to open the door, Maddie's crystal orbs widened in realisation and I remained frozen against the wall.

"May this better be fucking good and not some creepy shit off a fan I swear to god if I'm late Matt will...."

His eyes locked onto Maddie immediately and his hand remained frozen to the door handle for a good 5 minutes none of them saying anything. Luckily he hadn't clocked onto me standing just to the left of him, he was too busy looking at Maddie and trying to search for something to say.

"Urm Maddie what, what are you doing here? I, I thought I urm, I thought..."

"For fuck sake Barakat get the fuck over here!"

Maddie demanded impatiently, Jack looked up from his shoes in shock before a smirk played on his lips as he realised what she was saying. His hand immediately became unlocked from the steel door handle and he literally ran over to her, which didn't take him long with his lanky legs. His arms wrapped around her waist and her arms snaked around his neck as she was lifted off the ground by Jack.

"I thought I would never ever be able to do this with you again Maddie"

"Do anything like you did to me again and you won't get another chance, okay?"

He shook his head up and down quickly his nose brushing against hers causing her nose to wrinkle up in a cute way, they both laughed.

"I promise Maddie Wilson"

"Good now fucking kiss me"

"Still demanding as always"

He mocked before he crashed his lips down on hers spinning her on the spot, both of them smiling as wide as I ever saw. You could tell from the kiss they were having just how much they had missed one another, just how much they were both miserable. I couldn't help but wonder if things were different with me and Alex would he have kissed me like that or even more than that, if that were even possible. As quickly as the thought entered my head it left, stupid Allie you can't do this you can't too much has happened, you can't.

"So I'm guessing you and May plotted this then?"

"May and my mum actually, I wasn't going to come but mum made me realise that after all you did, just leaving, that I still couldn't stop my feelings. I couldn't stop loving you"

"Wow I love you too always have and always will. I won't fuck up again Maddie promise, I thought I was never going to see you again and I am so sorry for everything I put you through, thanks for giving me another chance"

"No problem Jackaroo"

They both laughed and Jack gave her a quick peck on the lips before gently placing her back on her feet, he wrapped his arm protectively around her before embracing in a quick hug.

"So I'm guessing Allie didn't come, how is she?"

Maddie smirked over at me and I half heartedly smirked back, this was it.

"Why don't you ask her yourself"

"Well I can't hang on wait...."

"Hey Jack"

I spoke softly stepping back from my spot against the wall making my way over to the two of them, he spun around and saw me his eyes lighting up immediately. He ran over to me and instead of picking me up he enveloped me in a huge, warm Jack hug. At first I was stiff and didn't know whether I should be here right now, but then I softened and returned the hug, I missed Jack he always knew how to make anyone feel instantly better. We pulled apart shortly after and before Jack could say anything I spoke up

"Jack okay I need you to understand you haven't seen me here okay?"

He looked confused at first, but after looking from me and then Maddie he nodded in understanding. He gave me another quick hug before May called him back in, him and Maddie both went inside hand in hand while I made my way back to the jeep to wait.

An hour later and the car became incredibly stuffy so I wound the window down a bit to let in some fresh air, that was when I heard his voice echoing around the venue and the parking lot.

"So guys this is a really important gig to us tonight so I'm going to play a song that means a lot to us. Sing it if you know it!"

The guitar and drums kicked in which I knew belonged to Jack and Rian, swiftly Zack kicked in with the Bass and then finally his voice echoed throughout again.

Inquisitive and thoughtful, she was the challenge he'd been waiting for;
a reminder that creativity runs deep like secrets.
Dark eyed dreamers; they were a dangerous pair,
Q next to U scribbled out on paper...
They stop, they go, they're done.

Go back to the place we knew before retrace our steps to the basement door,
I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile,
Like so much time that we spent in the fall it put colour in our cheeks while the air turned cold,
Preceding what became our bitter end.

Before he even got to the chorus tears were spilling down my cheeks, loud sobs came from body and I didn't even know how to stop them, it just all came out at once. Which was when I realised the music had stopped and Alex wasn't singing, it was just silence and then the ever so faints chants of All Time Low began to pick up.

Growing curious I stepped out of the car quickly and ran to the backstage door which wasn't manned luckily, it was out of the way for any fans to spot it. I opened it up and walked down the short corridor before realising I was side of the stage, gasping I quickly popped behind one of the many curtains and watched as all the guys remained silent on stage. Rian, Zack and Jack all exchanging concerned glances while Alex remained perfectly still. That was until he grabbed the mic off the stand and began to find the words to say something.

"Sorry guys I thought I was going to be okay but I wasn't. When I said that song was important to us, I lied a little its more important to me than the others. I wrote it about someone very very special to me, I had her and I lost her and it was all my fault because I was a complete and utter dick to her. I hoped she would turn up tonight and preform this song but she didn't and I can't do it without her, sorry we'll just move on to the next song"

My heart sank in my chest but he was right he was a dick, I don't know if I could ever forgive him for what he did especially now, now everything was just 10 times harder. Quickly I moved from side stage and made a swift escape back for the car, Jack clocked me running away and shot me a sympathetic smile which I returned before running back to the confides of the black jeep. Before I knew it the gig was over I must have fell asleep because as I woke I saw the back of the venue surrounded by a few fans. Jack and Maddie were running through the crowd to the tour buses, Alex was the only one left who hadn't come out.

He came eventually posing for some photos, signing some EP's they had made and chatting with fans, my window was still down so I could hear some of the things they were still saying.

"The girl you wrote circles for must be pretty damn special she missed out tonight, what happened with you guys if you mind me asking"

The girl was only about 14 and the sweetest looking girl I could spot in the crowd, her and Alex were mere feet away from the black jeep so I ducked down to keep low.

"No I suppose not, urm basically I left her at mine the morning we won rival schools I just left a note"

"That's a bit harsh"

The little girl commented but it a nice sort of way

"I know it was I won't ever forgive myself for that, I just miss her a lot. I thought even if I did tell her she'd leave me anyway I got scared and I do what I always do when I get scared, I panicked and I ran. It was the most stupidist mistake of my entire life and I have a lot of making up to do to her"

"I hope you two work it out you seem to love her an awful lot to write a song that amazing about her"

"I do, I just don't think I'll ever get to tell her that again"

"I'm sure it will work out I promise"

"Well thank you what's your name little lady"

"Ruby"

"Well thank you Ruby you might just have to be my favourite fan yet"

"Thanks Mr Gaskarth!"

The little girl smiled before running off to tell her parents who stood at the back of the crowd, Alex signed and posed for a few more pictures before he too went onto the tour bus. My heart was literally split in two, I didn't know what to do for the best, for once in my whole entire life I didn't have a plan.

Half an hour later the whole crowd disappeared just leaving me in the Jeep and the tour bus, silence engulfed the whole area, when it was suddenly disrupted by my phone.

Maddie - I'm so fucking sorry I'll be back to you in like 15 minutes top, love you x

Sighing I tucked my phone back into my sweat pant pockets, in the distance I distinctly heard the sound of the tour bus door opening and closing. Before I saw who it was and had a chance to duck down, it was too late they had already saw me. It was Alex of all people.

He clocked onto the black Jeep that instantly signalled to him it was to do with me and Maddie and then he saw me, he took off at a sprint towards me and the Jeep and all I could was panic, so I got out to confront him and defend myself.

"Allie I didn't think you came"

"I came to keep Maddie company not for you"

"I know you won't ever forgive me I know that, but can we at least be friends and maybe see how we go and then maybe give it another try later on down the line?"

I scoffed at him, which startled him a little

"You think just because you are some what famous I'll come running back, what you did Alex was the lowest of lows. I don't think I'll ever forgive you not now, and don't you even think we might have a chance of getting back together cause we don't as for the friends part I don't know. I don't know anything in my life now because of you. I opened up to you about everything I had kept bottled up from partially everyone in my fucking life, I told you all of it and I trusted you I did everything for you, I put up with shit from school all for you. I even, even..."

"Paid for my bail?"

"How did you know I didn't tell anyone except..."

"Maddie"

"Yeah..."

He moved closer to me but I instantly stepped back, he stopped where he was his hands held up in a gesture.

"Sorry Alex I don't want you in my life at all at the moment, I probably won't want you in my life for a long time. I want you to delete my number, everything and don't contact me if your back home don't come over okay?"

My heart literally shattered into a million pieces I didn't want this, far from this in fact, but at the moment it was the best thing for me. I needed to do this for myself. I could tell Alex was feeling the same his heart shattering too, it hurt me to watch him like that. I turned on my heel and was beginning to leave him behind, before he spoke one last time.

"Allie wait I need to give you something"

"Your not fucking giving me a kiss!"

"I wasn't"

He cut me off, handing over a small envelope with my name handwritten on it. He handed it to me shakily and when I just stared at it, he pushed it closer towards me urging me to take it, so I did.

"I just wanted to give you that, you can open it when your home. I guess this is goodbye then but I want you to know Allie I will always only ever love you and I will wait for you"

Taking the envelope in my hands I began to retreat towards the car, my back towards Alex wiping away tears I didn't want to see.

"Well then your going to be waiting for fucking ever then, bye Alex"

And that was that, me and Alex over with. I didn't want us to be over with but I needed it to be, to protect all of us more importantly myself. He had this new life ahead of him and he didn't need me fucking it up so I let him go. Twisting the envelope he had given me I opened it, I was a cheque for $500, on the back in his writing were the words...

I know it's not all of the bail money but it should help for some of University x

Also enclosed in the envelope was a picture of me and Alex beside his pool at the party taken by Maddie, our noses were pressed together and huge smiles were on our faces, if only I could go back to that.

Looks like I was now living my life alone, except I wouldn't be alone I guess had Maddie and my family and I needed them now more than anything because except from Maddie not knowing yet...I'm pregnant.