Too Much

Allie POV

2 Years Ago
“Allie you have to chose, that trash in the corner”

Crystal pointed over to my other group of friends that I met in Evergreen High just a couple weeks previous, her nose sticking up in disgust as the smell of tobacco hit her nose and her face wrinkled in vulgarity,

“Or us, who actually have some class and can give you some intense status in this school”

Peering over my shoulder, my eyes met with Maddie’s my best friend of 15 years, her eyes mirrored ones of disappointment and despair; she thought I was going to chose Crystal and her clones, that was when the cogs in my 16 year old brain started to turn hastily.

Stupidly I had gotten involved with Crystal and her lot, because I had a delusional crush on one of the Jocks, Freddie, who evidentially was one of Crystal’s closest friends. I picked Maddie, Rob and our group of friends in the end. But I promised myself I would never get caught up picking sides ever again; but Crystal made my life hell for doing so and then asked for my forgiveness, forgiveness I easily gave her.
--------
I hadn’t even known my new found group of friends that long, but that comment Alex just made…it hurt a lot; I hoped to god when I first met him that what everyone was saying about him wasn’t true, but he just went and bloody proved that wrong.

My black hair dropped in front of me as I stared down at my feet, my eyes fighting back tears that were violently seeking to spill, cascading and shielding water over my emerald spheres. I felt the intense burning of Zack, Rian, Jack, Maddie and Alex’s eyes all burning into me as I continued to watch my feet shuffle nervously underneath me.

Looking down at the grass crunching and twisting underneath my feet, I was suddenly very aware of the pair of grey vans that were very cautiously approaching mine; shifting my gaze from my feet to his I knew I shouldn’t dare look up because again I would be easily complied to forgive him, and this time I wanted to make someone beg for my forgiveness.

“Allie…”

Refusing to listen to what he had to say, I wasn’t in the mood for his pathetic excuse for his cynical behaviour, he’d just lost whatever trust I had in him. Taking one glance up at Maddie who stood behind me I faced my back towards the boys, showing Maddie my water infested eyes I did the only thing I knew best in a situation like this…I ran.

“ALLIE!”

I heard being called in the distance but I didn’t stop, I couldn’t because I would be vulnerable to those who had just surrounded me. I wasn’t going to be drawn into Alex and his group, even if it was his entire fault and I certainly wasn’t going to be drawn to Nicole and her gang, history would definitely not repeat itself.
---
Pushing me back against the bed, my body collided with the soft mattress forcefully; he climbed on top of me as I flipped us over, straddling him in the process.

I knew as his hands roamed my curves that he would want to take this further, but I wasn’t ready and even though I knew I’d have to stop him, I knew he wouldn’t be pissed. Sighing heavily I pulled my lips away from his painfully, I didn’t want to but I had to.

“It’s okay Allie, we don’t have to I’ll wait”

He spoke softly as I rolled off of him, cuddling perfectly into his side, our bodies moulding together easily like it was meant to be. Staring up into his teddy bear brown eyes I was lost momentarily

“Thanks Rob, I love you…you know that right?”

“Course I do Allie, I love you too and I promise I’ll look after you forever”

Pushing my lips firmly to his, his lip ring tickling my lips slightly I smiled into the kiss; Rob made me so happy and he was mine forever.
---
Rushing down the empty corridors of Baltimore High, I collapsed down against the cream wall hugging my legs closely to my chest. Pulling down the sleeves of Maddie’s bear sweater, I subconsciously began biting at my nails through the fabric; remembering my relationship with Rob, reminded me how easily I had forgiven him after all he had done after we broke up.

Rob was my risk, my escape; I had everything in my life planned out for me by my parents, but once I had reached my teenager years, I fell in love and rebelled from my parents plan, I took a turn of their road and created one for myself.

Which is why I was petrified to death, if I had forgiven Crystal and Rob so easily what’s to say Alex Gaskarth would be forgiven too. I was so pissed at him words couldn’t even describe, but he didn’t know my past so I was determined to make him make him work for it.

But the other half of my conscious was fighting me, it was my nature to easily forgive, it was etched into my personality and something I mentally cursed myself over everyday. I knew deep down inside of me I would eventually cave and forgive him, but I also knew that once I forgive him there’s no escaping.
---
“Allie Babe, get ready we’re going out, Maddie is meeting us in about 20 minutes”

He shouted from the top of my stairs as he entered my room, walking over to my large oak wardrobe and pulling out my favourite black party dress and chucking at me.

“Out, as in a party…whose is it this time Rob?”

I questioned sighing heavily, recently Rob was out going to more and more parties, and the people he was hanging out with didn’t have a good reputation according to Maddie, Rob and My Mutual friends. But even if I did accompany him to these parties every once and a while, he would soon leave me alone and ignore me; so what made me think tonight would be any different.

“Callum’s party, you’ve met Callum right?”

He asked searching in my wardrobe for my Iron Fist heels, his back turned towards me as he spoke; wrong I’d never met Callum, I’d heard about him though from our friends. Not wanting to cause an argument tonight, I reluctantly agreed.

“Fine, I’ll come”
--
“Alexander Gaskarth will never amount to anything; they won’t amount to anything all of them not if they carry on with that stupid band they never shut up about”

An authoritative, stern voice spoke firmly cutting me out of my flashback and directing my eyes up to the door to my left which was slightly ajar; shuffling my bum along the dirty lined floor I could hear the voice of Mr Ward speak up next.

“Ha he is pathetic it surprises me how he keeps his grades up, he obviously isn’t doing that work himself, I will catch him out one day. He will never make it in that band, they signed up to rival schools today…”

A united scoff of disgust filled the room; the room which I now gathered was that of the staff room.

“I’ll be surprised if he gets accepted to a college, you watch I bet he ends up in a 9-5 job working at McDonalds”

He laughed maliciously as a chorus of “yes” and “I agree” responded all to eagerly to Mr Wards comment; without knowing it myself but at that moment in time, I felt my blood boil with rage and pulse violently through my veins.

Subconsciously I pushed my body off of the ground, dusted down my palms on the lace tights I was now wearing, before storming through the staff room door. Standing in the exposed doorway of the staff room, the chatter was cut short and I was suddenly confronted with several pairs of eyes connecting with mine, all looking dumfound, debating whether I had heard their bitching.

Looking around the staff room I quickly established that it was decorated wealthily and looked out of place compared to the rest of Baltimore High, taking one tiny step over the threshold I tensed my fingers into my palms before speaking up

“It’s not as simple as you think; he won’t end up a drop out because I believe in him unlike you jackasses. I may not have even heard his band play, but I hope to god one day he proves you all wrong about him. You should all be ashamed of yourselves”

I spat through clenched teeth before I quickly turned on my heel and left, mainly because I didn’t want to face the consequences or actions of my outburst in there.

However another realisation hit me, I, Allie Johnson, had just picked a side. I actually felt sorry for Alex Gaskarth, yes the guy I was meant to be so mad at I suddenly felt sorry for; nobody believed in him, not even the slutty cheerleaders, they didn’t care about whether his band were good or not.

Pacing down the corridor at quite a speed to try make sense of everything, I was caught off guard when I felt cool, calming fingers wrap their way around my wrist instantly chilling the boiling blood that was building in my body.

However it was only momentarily because as I turned my body around to meet the possessor, my anger returned as my emerald eyes were subjected to the familiar chestnut bangs and deep brown eyes that I’d been desperately avoiding.

“What do you want?”

I spat viciously pulling my wrist from his grasp, as all my pent up anger returned; I couldn’t understand in my mind how 2 seconds ago I actually felt sorry for this guy, his comment from before returning to the front of my head and becoming my main agenda.

“Allie just let me explain, let me apologise”

He sighed with what I thought was a hint of desperation, but I shrugged it off, my temper getting the best of me. He thought a simple apology would do it and I would forget about what he said in front of Maddie, Zack, Rian and Jack…well he was wrong; with what little strength I had compared to Alex I began to push him in the chest, and he just took it almost as if deserved it.

“Let you explain, EXPLAIN!”

I shouted in frustration, it annoyed me so much to even think he could have even a slight explanation for his actions back there; eventually he had enough of my pushing and grabbed my wrists gently pushing me against the wall with my hands above my head.

“Just let me explain”

He spoke more softly as his hazel brown eyes began to resemble that of a teddy bear, feeling lost in his eyes I felt compelled to utter a short, curt nod in agreement.
---
“Please just leave me alone”

I stuttered my breathing irregular and sharp as his tongue trailed down my neck, my arms pinned forcefully above my head, sending unwanted shivers down my spine.

“Your boyfriend’s not here to help you sweetheart you’re all mine”

He dug his fingernails deep into the bottom of my back, my back instantly arching from the pain as i hissed through my teeth. With one hand firmly holding my arms up, his other hand began to unzip the back of my black party dress; his eyes burned with desire while mine registered fear, Maddie was nowhere to be found as was Rob and I had just realised that you can’t trust everyone you meet.

“Just FUCK OFF, I’ll shout Rob”

I threatened through shaky breaths; he chuckled against the skin of my neck making me shiver in his hold. I tried to push him off of me, but with my hands trapped under his bulky weight, I had no chance.

“HA, you’ll be lucky he left half an hour ago to go fuck Crystal behind your back”

My body fell limp under his weight as he pressed me tighter against the wall, his one hand slipping my dress down before venturing to my tights. Rob promised he would always look after me, yet here I am in trouble while he is fucking the one girl I chose him over; the one girl who has made my life a living misery every since I rejected her Barbie doll group.

“You’re lying…ROBBBB!”

I screamed at the top of my lungs, releasing as much oxygen as my body would allow; he never came and I was near enough being ready to be made a victim. Light blinded my vision as the door broke open, the weight lifted off me and in the doorway I could just about make out the silhouette of Maddie stood in the doorway before making her over to me; wrapping her arms around me protectively she put her hands over my ears before screaming just as loud as I had.

“CALLUM GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE”

Collapsing to the floor with Maddie, I realised how lucky I was not to have nearly been raped; however Callum’s attempted attack and blurted out comment made me cry uncontrollably.

“He..he cheated…Crystal….Promised me”

“Shhh”

Maddie soothed but it was no use I lost the ability to be able to breath regularly, nothing Maddie was saying was helping me calm down, my throat began to close as I continued to utter “promised me” over and over again; Maddie’s closeness eventually began to get to much for me as I tried to push her away with my sweaty palms, as a fear of losing control suddenly washed over my body.

And after that night, everything in my life needed to have a plan, one which i was to stick to no matter what.
---
“Allie I didn’t…”

Alex began but the feeling that took over my body was all to familiar, along with the painful memories that accompanied it.

“Alex” I interrupted, “Please let go of my wrists...please now”

I spoke in a panicked manner, his brows knitting together in confusion and then worry as my palms began to sweat in his as my breathing rapidly increased.

“Allie….what’s, what’s the matter”

“I…I, need, can’t”

I stuttered out incoherent words that didn’t match, Alex released my wrists as they fell limply to my sides before he fell to the ground with me. Pulling me into his lap and resting my legs over the side of his leg before wrapping his arms around me.

“Shit”

I heard him whisper as he tried to get me to breath in on the count of 3 and then out on the count of 3, every time rubbing comforting circles on my back with one of his hands. After 15 minutes or so, my breathing decreased to regular rhythm and my erratic crying subsided, Alex quickly wiped away some remaining tears away softly with the cuff of his red hoodie; when everything turned back to normal and an unwanted silence surrounded me and Alex, he was the first to comment.

“You want to tell me what that was all about?”

A flush of pink rushed to my cheeks and I hid my face in the crook of his neck, noticing my closed attitude Alex didn’t press any further.

“It’s okay I get it, you’ll tell me when you’re ready. But just listen Allie, I didn’t mean what I said; nobody has faith in me, hell Rian and all that lot don’t even have faith in me I don’t think. My reputation is all I have going for me, so when two girls fight and Rian congratulates me, it feels like maybe he might begin to have faith in me. You don’t have to understand that, I mean I don’t think I even do, but I’m apologising for getting you caught up in my stupid mistakes i don't want this want this fucking reputation, it caused me nothing but trouble but i can't shake it. Plus you should be privileged you’re the first girl I’ve ever apologised to ever…bar my mum”

He chuckled into my ear as he finished off his last line of his apology, even I couldn’t help but laugh as I slowly removed my head underneath his chin. I knew all too well I was going to cave right there and then and forgive him, as I looked into his pleading eyes. But this time it was different, Alex genuinely looked like he meant every word of that apology, unlike others before him I.e. Rob and Crystal. So this time when the words flew out of mouth, I didn’t feel guilty or feel like a pushover…it felt right.

“I forgive you Alex, but…you already know what you are" I stated raising an eyebrow ever so simply "do anything like that again and I’ll cut your little balls off, got it?"

I teased and he gulped down the evident lump in his throat as he released his grip slightly around me, but I still remained in his lap. He looked like a scared 9 year old and I couldn’t help but laugh at him, twiddling with the chain of my necklace I admired the golden camera sitting loosely between my fingers; smiling subconsciously to myself, I hadn’t even noticed Alex watching me the whole time, when I looked at him it almost took me surprise.

“Oh and Alex…”

I added as the tension between us before had long disappeared and a new pleasant atmosphere floated around us, he nodded eagerly urged me to continue.

“What?”

“I believe in you.”

I stated simply, a crooked grin now showing on his face evidentially making the sides of my lips twitch upwards to produce a smile that matched, before he once again pulled me closer towards his body.