Thinkin' Bout Something

013

Five months had passed. Taylor finally got the call from Natalie, baby Ezra was due in a matter of days. I watched as he packed his bags, I shifted the coffee mug full of hot tea to my other hand. “You’re not going to want to come back.” In the past few months I was ready to except that what Taylor and I had was going to burn out quick, and in the situation, I was mentally prepared to understand everything.

“I’ll be back.” He said picking up his own coffee mug from the top of the dresser. He took a quick sip and looked at me.

“I can handle it.” I shrugged. “I’m always going to love you, but Taylor, you and I both know, that when Ezra is born, its going to change you and I.” I sat on the edge of his bed and took a sip of my own. “Don’t tell me you haven’t realized it too.”

“I’m sorry Ave.” He sat down beside me.

“Its all right Tay.” I smiled a true smile.

“We had a good run.” He kissed my forehead.

“Friends?” It wasn’t really a question.

“Of course.” He got up and grabbed his bag. Ike and Zac were right outside the door and before they could knock Tay had opened the door and stepped out.

“We’ll miss you.” Ike said as he waved.

“I’ll miss you guys too.” I waved back. “Have fun, and make sure he is okay.” I motioned toward the wonderful man starting down the hall.

“We will.” Zac said. “You coming?”

“I’ll leave in a few, I have to go get Micha and Ellis in a few minutes, so when you guys go, I’ll be heading out.” I finished off my tea and held the mug with both hands.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” My best friend said to me as he leaned against the door frame.

“No I’m not.” I looked into Zac’s eyes.

“You really are.”

“You better go.” I almost didn’t get it out. I was fighting that burning lump in my throat.

“I’ll call you when we get back.” He said as he slipped behind his brothers.

I got up and watched out the window as they piled into their parents car and the whole Hanson tribe waved as I returned in. I made sure all the windows were closed and the door was locked. I made my way to my own car.

It was warmer in Tulsa than usual for the last week of October. I turned the radio up and turned the heater off. The leaves had already fallen and I watched as a few kids were jumping in the brightly colored piles. I smiled to myself. I had come to terms with Taylor and I being different than we were the past few months, and it took those few months to realize that what we were doing was for the best. I knew he still had feelings for Natalie, and even though she said what she said, I could tell deep down inside she loved Taylor too.

I hummed along to the radio singing along occasionally. I turned it up full bore when Just Like a Pill by Pink came on. I sang along word for word. I turned down Micha and Ellis’s road pulling into their gravel driveway. I beeped the horn twice and waited.

I got out of the car and made my way to their door knocking quickly. Their mom Carol, opened the door. “Morning honey.” She said pulling me into a hug.

“Morning.” I returned the hug and smiled sitting down at their kitchen table.

“You want anything?” She asked.

“No thank you.”

“Girls!” She yelled from the kitchen.

“Be down in a minute.” I could hear Ellis yell as she made her way through the hall into the bathroom. No doubt running a brush through her hair. Micha made her way down first heading to the pantry to grab a poptart and a glass of soy milk.

“Morning Ave!” She greeted me pulling me into a hug. She knew exactly what was going on thanks to Zac. She sat down across from me and ate her breakfast. “You going to be okay?”

“Yeah.” I nodded taking her glass from her. Not being a big fan of soy milk, but downing a swallow anyways.

“Uh… Okay.” She rolled her eyes, knowing I wasn’t as strong as I was letting on.

“Its for the best.” I said knowing I was only trying to convince myself and masking the heart ache.

“Hey.” Ellis waved to me before sitting down herself. “What do we have planned?”

“I don’t really know.” I answered.

“Movie night?” Ellis put her hands up in a more suggestive questioning motion.

“Sure.” I stood up and they followed me outside.

The ride was silent, no one really knew what to say to make everything go away. The weird outcome of life was looming dangerously in the air like a suffocating blanket or a smoke and fire barreling down a mountain. I opened the door to my parents house, them being gone on business for a few weeks. I laid down on the sofa.

“Ave, come on, cheer up. You said you were ready for this.” Ellis pleaded softly.

“I know, and I am.” I sat up and looked around the room. “You want to put in a movie?” I pointed to the cabinet beside the tv that housed about 50 movies.

We decided upon, Final Destination. I sipped my dr pepper as I watched the part where the kid was being strangled in the shower. I cringed and rubbed my neck. A few minutes later the phone was ringing.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hey you.” His voice cooed into the phone.

“Hey Tay.” I smiled. “What up?”
“We made it just in time, Natalie is going into labor.” He was excited and I felt my heart skip a beat.

“That’s great!” I congratulated him countless times and when he was ready we hung up the phone.

“Hey!” I said clapping my hands waking up my friends. “Natalie is going into labor!”

“Awesome.” Ellis wooed softly, “Why do we care?”

“Because I care about Tay.” I shrugged. I was glad they were being bitter for me, but it did seem wrong.

XXx

I was handing out candy when I got the phone call. Ezra was born, healthy, and baby and momma were doing wonderful. Jordan Ezra Hanson. I smiled and felt a bit of relief. That’s when the news was broken, and it was fine when I considered it, but when it finally meant something in real life, it hurt far more than I was ready for.

“Ave, I’m marrying Natalie, she’ll be coming back to Tulsa with me in a few weeks.” Taylor said.

“I know.” I did know, I knew that’s how this was all going to play out.

“We want you in our lives and Ezra’s too.” He sounded hurt, and I believed him. It took a lot to have him do what he did, and I had to give him credit. “You’ll understand like I did when…”

“When you held him in your arms.” I laughed softly. “I told you Taylor. I told you that you were going to want to hold him every minute of everyday and that you would see what everything is worth. Everything gets reevaluated and rearranged. I’m proud of you, and I am happy for both you and Natalie.”

“He’s beautiful. The best thing I could have in my life. I feel weaker and I feel stronger now that he is in my life. I’m terrified and I am courageous, all for him.” His voice was cracking. I knew he already cried a little. He wasn’t as tough as he lead on and he was so overwhelmed with every emotion. “He’s even more wonderful than I could have imagined him, Ave. I can’t see life without him now. I hope you understand that.”

“Of course I do, and, I can’t wait to meet him.” I spoke softly with a smile honestly. “I’m so proud of you Taylor, you and Natalie both. Ezra is one lucky baby. He is going to be loved unconditionally, and I can’t wait to spoil him.”

“Of course you will, that’s what you do,” He laughed. “You are the most amazing woman I have ever known, ever.” Taylor whispered. “Natalie agrees.”

That last part was the twisting of the knife. She wasn’t as bad as I thought and she has everything I ever dreamed of having, she was the luckiest woman in the whole world.….