Jamison's Wish

“Jamie . . .” she said walking directly to his bed side. “Hi baby bro.”

“Kell what are you doing here?”

“Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“You should be fixing things with Sid.”

“I did and you promised me you’d fight. You promised me that you would stay strong and fight this Jamie, you said you wouldn’t give up. You promised me Jamison” she said pulling the chair closer to the bed. “Jamie, I love you so much. Please try a bit harder, I can’t loose you Jamie. I need you around. Who else is going to show Sid the embarrassing videos of me and tell him all the stories I wished you’d forget? Please Jamie.” It broke my heart to see her so sad and vulnerable. Jamie’s breathing was shallow and ragged. Kelly’s shoulders shook with silent tears she took his hand in hers kissing it gently. “If you live through this Jamie I give you permission to be a totally rebel, drink your ass off in high school for all I care. Hell I will even let you go on a date with my hot friends and you can practice what you’ve read about in my magazines.”

“That’s pretty nice incentive” he said with a strained laugh.

“Please Jamie” she whispered. “Remember that time dad took us on the road trip? All the way to . . .”

“Disney” the both said.

“You were so excited when we saw the signs.”

“Best vacation ever.”

“We’ll have to go again . . . Maybe somewhere along the gulf this time. Apparently the beaches are amazing there.”

“Sounds good Kell.” They were silent for a while looking at each other with sad eyes. “Kelly, I love you” Jamie said tears falling from his eyes in a shaky voice.

“I love you too” Kelly said shaking. I felt like I was intruding in on a moment that was meant for only the two of them. “Rest Jamie, you need to rest and get better.”

“Ok, you need to marry Crosby.”

“Only if you’re there. Someone’s got to walk me down the aisle.”

“Ok.”

“Kelly, do you need anything?” I asked after Jamie had fallen asleep. She took my hand and pulled me closer before laying her face on my stomach.

“Just stay here” she whispered. “Sid I can’t do this again. I can’t watch someone else be taken from me too soon.”

“I won’t let you do this alone Kell. I’m here for you through the whole thing” I said crouching down so we were face to face. Her eyes were red from crying and I wanted nothing more than to make things better so she wouldn’t have to worry anymore. I took her face in my hands and placed a small kiss on her lips before adding, “I can’t stand to see you hurting Kelly, but I can’t let you do this alone. I’m here I’m not going anywhere.”

“He’s too young to die Sid. He hasn’t experienced enough yet” she whispered resting her head on my shoulder, one hand in my hair and the other still holding onto Jamie’s hand. I didn’t say anything, instead I just held her close trying to comfort her the best I could. I don’t know what I would do if I was in her shoes, if Taylor was the sick one. My phone rang quietly in my pocket and Kelly sat up slightly looking at the pocket.

“It’s my mom, I’ll call her later . . .”

“No Sid answer it. She’s your mom” she said kissing me lightly before turning towards Jamie.

“Hi, mom.”

“Sidney how are you sweetie?”

“I’m ok” I said walking out of the room into the waiting area.

“You don’t sound ok. What’s going on?”

“Kelly and I are at the hospital.”

“Is she alright?”

“Yea, it’s Jamie . . .”

“Her brother?”

“Yea, he’s not looking good at all mom. I don’t know what to do to make this easier for Kelly I don’t know what to say to . . .”

“You don’t have to say anything. Just be there, a shoulder to lean on. That’s all you have to do. You guys made up then I take it, things are good again?”

“Yea, things are better. I’m scared for her. She looks so worn and tired. She looks like she’s about to collapse.”

“Just go back in there and be there for her no matter what. It’s a lot easier to grieve when you have someone who cares a whole hell of a lot right there beside you.”

“Alright. I’ll talk to you later mom. Say hi to Dad and Taylor.”

“I will. I love you Sidney, you’re my baby boy.”

“I love you too mom” I said before hanging up the phone. I sat there in the chair for a few more seconds before making my way back to Jamie’s room. There I found Kelly asleep, her head resting on the bed next to her hands wrapped around Jamie’s.

“Sid?”

“Yea Jamie?”

“Take care of her. If I don’t make it please take care of her” he whispered just loud enough for me to hear him. “Promise me?”

“I promise. Now go back to sleep you have to get better.” He nodded and I took the empty chair just to the left of Kelly and got comfortable, dozing off after a few minutes.

***************************

A loud beeping noise and commotion woke me up with a start. I looked to see people running around Jamie and Kelly looking terrified looking down at her little brother. I walked over and instantly wrapped my arms around her. I pulled her back from the bed a few feet to give them more room to work. She turned away unable to watch as they did compressions and brought out the defibrillator. She began to shake under my arms and I could feel her tears soaking my shirt. After shocking him 3 times the beeping of the monitor became regular and they all sighed in relief. The majority of the nurses and doctors left the room leaving us alone with Jamie’s main doctor and a nurse who was checking the IV’s and stats.

“Kelly” the doctor said. “He’s stable for now but I have to be honest with you. We won’t be able to revive him after a while.” She turned and shook her head letting him know she understood. “I know this is hard to think about but if there is anyone that should know you should call them, so they can say goodbye.”

“Ok” she whispered. The doc gave her a weak smile before he and the nurse left the room. “Sid I don’t want a bunch of people here all sad saying their goodbyes to him. The majority of our family hasn’t bothered to visit him since he was admitted anyway.”

“It’s your decision baby. Whatever you think is right.”

“That was so scary Sid” she said burying her face back into my chest. I rubbed her back softly trying my best to comfort her.

“What the hell are you crying about?” Jamie said from where he lay. “I’m not dead yet.”

“Damn it Jamison don’t fucking say that shit! You scared the crap out of me just then. Do you have any idea what that was like? Huh? I thought that it was over that I was going to lose you forever just then damn it!” she yelled going back over to his side.

“Sorry” he said coughing a bit.

“Kell I’m going to go get something to eat. I’ll bring you something and some coffee ok?”

“Thanks Sid” she said kissing me on the cheek lightly. “Jamie don’t you dare do that to me again. Do you understand me?”

“I understand Kell.”

I decided to give them a little bit of time to talk before heading back to the room so I wondered the hospital finding myself in the chapel. I went and sat in the middle pew of the empty room.

“God, I’m not really sure how to do this. I’m not a praying man, you know this. But I’m begging you to make something amazing happen. I’m asking for a miracle. A legit miracle. And we both know that you can do it. Please God for her and Jamie. They need this. They deserve this, too many horrible thing have happened to them, they deserve a miracle. I’m not about to promise to come to church or anything, because we both know that wouldn’t happen so rather than not keeping that promise I’ll give you another one. If you can make this huge miracle happen, I will always remember this moment in the hospital chapel when I asked you to help and you made it happen and I promised never to be ungrateful for Kelly, Jamie or anyone else you might place into my life. Just please. I know I’m asking for something that would change everything. But I’m not asking for me. She’d be heartbroken if he died and I can’t stand to see her hurting. Please.”

I stayed seated there for a few more minutes wrapping my head around what I just asked for. A miracle. Give them a miracle.