Tell the Truth

Mom died two days after Paul had told me she was dying. I cried myself to sleep the whole time, not even noticing Paul was right next to me, holding me sometimes and probably crying with me at others.

They planned the funeral, right after she had died, for a week, and tomorrow, I will be attending the death party. I rarely ate, and I know im losing some weight; Paul rarely jokes anymore, but he might not understand that, it's what I need. Someone to make me happy when I'm down. But Paul hasn't done a thing. It's even harder not to mention the kiss, because everytime he is around I just want his lips on mine, and he's around all the time.

"I brought you a sandwich." Paul's deep voice was dull, the same tone he's been talking for about a week now.

"Thank you." I whispered looking into his dead brown eyes then looked at the BLT sandwich he just gave me. I sighed, when I remembered how me and my mother used to eat BLTs together all the time. Paul lingered by the door, and I can feel his gaze.

"You have to eat Estie." He said not with his dull voice, it sounded more like begging now. I shook my head to shake away the memories, if that was possible.

"Estie, eat." Paul was now sitting infront of me, crossing his legs on my bed.
I wanted to say no, tell him that it hurts that she's gone; But if I do he'll look as sad as me and I can't have him like that again. I took a shaky breath, and looked at him when he cupped my face.

Kiss me, Paul, Kiss me.

I'll feel better, I know I will.

"I hate seeing you like this," He whispered placing his forehead on mine. " I want to make you feel better." I sighed, just his touch made me a bit better.

"Then, kiss me." I whispered. Wait, did I just say that?

"Will it make you eat?" Yes I did say that.

Instead of saying anything, I nodded, afraid to say no; because I was not sure.
and so, he leaned in.
Very slowly he leaned, and I couldn't wait for his lips to meet mine.
I couldn't wait, I can't wait. Paul's breath hit my lips and just as soon as I felt the warmth of his lips, The doorbell rang. Paul did those half laughs, you know, when nothings is really funny, you just have to get something out.
His face was still very close I can feel it and my eyes were still closed.

"Really?!" He snapped when the doorbell rang again, and soon his warmth was gone. I felt left, alone, again.

A bird call echoed through the house, and I knew the guys were here. I had to put something on, no I am not naked, it's just everytime Im in boyshorts and a tank, Paul just has to bug me about putting something on when we have company; even though we all are like family.

I decided to dully put on a pair of flare jeans, and keep the tank top on.
My eyes came to a BLT sandwich. 'Just eat it Estie' I can already hear Paul say it to me. For Paul, do it for Paul. I sighed and took the sandwich, then walked my way down stairs.

"God, theres so much space here!" Jacob said into the kitchen. Of course the guys would be shocked about the kitchen, Emily's place rarely had anywhere to sit at with all of the guys there.

"Yeah, I can finally move my arms without hitting anyone." Jared's voice echoed through the house. My feet were quiet, but I can tell, they knew I was walking into the kitchen; because they all were quiet now. I understand why they were quiet, I mean how can you talk to someone when their only parent died.

It's hard, you try it. How can you not mention the death?
"It's okay you guys, Im okay, no need to stop talking." I whispered taking the first bite of the sandwich. I looked at Paul, who was now smiling.
My emotions grew happier, when I saw his smile; Paul is happier when he's with his guys and when im alright. Jacob was the first to give me a huge hug, I rarely had any oxegyn in my lungs afterwards.

"I love you, you know that Esther?" Jacob asked and I smiled a bit.

"I love you too, Jake." I whispered looking away from his dark eyes when Embry tapped my shoulder.

"Hi, honey pops." Embry said kissing my cheek. I sligtly laughed at the nickname.

"It's not a good nickname, Em." giving him a quick hug.

"Yeah, well... I don't like Em." He stuck out his tounge and a smiled. Jared gave me a kiss on the cheek and said he had to leave, so no hug.
Sam wasn't here, but Seth was; and he gave me a quick wave so that Paul wouldn't say anything about him; and he stayed as far away from me as possible.

My half eaten sandwich was in my hand as I was reasting my head on Paul's chest. He had his arm around me while we both stood infront of the non-stop talking giants.

"Thanks for eating." he whispered kissing my forehead.
My stomach twirled and it felt good to be with my family, minus one.
Basically, when I was about two years old; my mother was called for an emergency at work. She had to stitch up Emily's three deep cuts on her face. That's how we all basically met. Mom told me how there was so much blood, and how Emily's fiance at the time never left her side. She also said that, when she left me in the waiting room; Paul was keeping me occupied, and so were the others.

We all met because of my mom's amazing job. If it wasn't for my mom, I don't know how i'll end up. Who i'll end up with, in that case. My hold on Paul tightened and I gave him a huge hug. His heavy chuckles lightened, with the others and he held me the same. My hold on the sandwhich was gone and I just wanted to cry again.
So I did, I let it out.

I cried out what I was holding in all day, the warmth on Pauls chest was comforting. Soon there wasn't only warmth on my front, it was all around me; The guys were holding me too. We all held eachother, and I soon stopped the sobbing.

"You guys, can't get along, it's not normal." I said through my shaky voice, still stuffed with warmth.

It shook all around me with chuckles, it almost felt like an earth quake. Soon the only warmth around me was Paul, his arms were still around me and my back was now on his chest. The guys all looked at me, or I should say, us.

My stomach twitched, Us.
What is Us? We aren't anything but close, maybe too close?

"Thanks, guys." I said lowly taking the attention off from Paul and I.
The all mummbled a your welcome.
Embry's voice stood out
"Yeah, whatever, don't expect it again."
I giggled.
"Shut up, Em. You cried you pansy." Jake pointed out.

"You did too, bitch." Embry snapped. I stiffled a laugh.
"Hey, no cursing in the house, dumb-ass." Paul demanded, and I laughed.
I love my family.

Paul escourted me out of the kitchen and into the quiet hall, I looked at him and smiled.
"You did what I wanted, so I'm going to return the favor." his voice was husky and it made my heart jump. His lips met mine and I moved my lips with his to get things happening. My heart didn't just jump, it stopped. We kissed, then broke apart, kissed again, broke apart and kissed tasting our tounges for a second then broke apart for the last time our breaths echoed through the hall way and I wondered what if the guys heard us, especially Seth.

"That was fantasic." I whispered kissing his lips quickly before turning around and heading towards the kitchen.