It Never Hurts At First

misery likes company
i like the way that sounds
i've been trying to find the meaning
so i can write it down
staring out the window
its such a long way down
i'd like to jump
but i'm afraid to hit the ground

My Guitar Lies Bleeding In My Arms, Bon Jovi

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Dreams aren’t meant to be like that…dreams aren’t meant to be scary…dreams are meant to peaceful…this definitely was not a dream.

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CHAPTER ONE
Her black rimmed lids opened slowly revealing the beautiful brown iris’ I don’t think Mischa actually realised how beautiful she really was. Not that her appearance was going to matter anymore, she’d already ruined everything. She’d made this fate for herself the day she set her eyes on me, the moment she’d become obsessed with my continued suffering. Mischa had slowly sucked the life from me and now I was going to blow hers away. She had taken away everything that I cared about, turned life long friends away from me and ruined me. She’d left me with nothing not even the memories of who I was only the cold vengeance that rang in my heart. I raised a shaking hand and aimed the silver gun at her chest my finger toyed on the trigger and…
I woke up with a start the cold feel of steel was not pressed on my fingers and what dripped across my forehead I quickly realised was not blood but sweat. The walls around my room seemed to be closing in slowly my mind wasn’t designed to deal with these dreams for much longer. I clambered out of my single bed, leaving the sheets in disarray, I glanced at the clock and the neon green numbers read 3.15am. Groaning I walked into the bathroom washing my clammy hands and face underneath the running tap and looked up.
Looking back at me, was a stranger, cheekbones pronounced from weeks of not eating properly, eyes wide in their hollow sockets, usually lush chocolate coloured hair a dead oily mess. I didn’t know this stranger, lifting my hand I waved, the girl waved back, I danced, and she followed my choreography perfectly. Finally I reached forward to touch the girl’s hand but where warm flesh should have met my skin, I felt cold glass. I began to sink toward the black tiles of my bathroom floor, catching myself on the sink, I held myself up, staring in bewilderment at my reflection.
I hadn’t always been like this, you know? I used to be ecstatically happy, I had friends, a family who loved me, a boyfriend…now I was alone, my family didn’t even know me and my boyfriend…well he was now whatever fantasy a fictional book placed into my mind. I was under house arrest on my own will, I was free to leave whenever I wanted to, but I still couldn’t bring myself to leave, I didn’t even know the monster I had become. Stumbling up the hall to the kitchen, I half-heartedly made myself breakfast; I sat down with the bowl of cereal, choking on the first mouthful as my body refused to receive its necessary nutrients.
“Kailee,” My dad yawned as he rounded the corner entering the kitchen, “Why are you awake?” He asked, the statement had no real emotion behind it, I could tell, he didn’t even care I was awake, why should he? I wasn’t his daughter anymore, he was merely being polite.
“Couldn’t sleep,” I mumbled in reply, tossing my untouched cereal into the sink. I could see dad itching to tell me off, and tell me to put it in the dishwasher, but he bit his tongue, a muffled noise escaping his lips in response of my statement. My bare feet padded the cold floor as I walked to the shower, turning on the boiling stream of water and slipping of my clothes.
My name is as you probably guessed, Kailee, Kailee Kingston to be precise, I live in a big house in the suburbs, my dads the head of some elite law firm here in Melbourne and he likes to be close to the office. My mother owns a restraunt, its more of a hobby than anything, she loves to cook…she says she’s 37, but she’s been saying that for the last five years, like everything she presents it’s a charade, like her love for me, its clear to most people Anna is the favourite. Anna’s my sister, she’s 17, three years older than me, and talented beyond compare. She plays the violin, but what she’s really known for is her dancing, she’s amazing, I wish I could dance like my sister. Anna practically screams perfection, it’s as if God spent an extra day or two on her than he did on the rest of us, as if everything I’ve already told you about her wasn’t enough, she models and she’s regularly on TV oh and did I mention the boyfriend? a softball player, hading straight for he major league, everyone knows him, of course like everyone, to him I was invisible, all he could see was my skinny sister and her giggling posse of sluts. But that’s another story…I’m Kailee, and I’m pretty average, I’m around the normal height for girls my age, I have brown hair that brushes along my shoulders, deep brown eyes and a curvy figure, not skinny but not fat. See average?
And then I met her.