My Sanity in This Insane World

"Call me as soon as you get there," Oliver said, giving me little kisses between words. "I'm going to miss you so much, it's hard. Why don't you just stay? Quit and stay with me." I smiled at him, before kissing his lips again. "I love you."

I pulled the best smile I could onto my face. "I love you, too." I meant it too, and that was the hardest part.

He was my love, and I was his. However there are times when I knew I needed to be a big girl, and I knew what I had to do. I had called everyone, and asked them not to tell Oliver, ever. I really just wanted to leave him, because as bitchy and as horrible as it was, I knew Oliver had a lot of potential in his back, and with a girlfriend in a whole different place, I would completely ruin everything.

"Call me."

"I will," I said with a laugh. He smiled at me, before kissing me again.

"Be with you soon."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, closing off the tears.

"So soon."

And it hurt to lie.

I waved goodbye to Oliver, taking one last final look at him, his big beautiful smile, and even from afar, I could see his soft eyes, that only looked at me in this way. The way I was going to miss that most.

I got to my gate, sat down, and let the tears poor. I was a broken doll from this point on.

&&

I didn't have much else to grab from the flat before I made my way back to the airport to go to America just a few hour later.

I walked into our room, pulling out the rest of my close, before eying Oliver's side of the dresser. I opened the top drawer, looking at all the left over of his colourful shirts, pulling out my favorite two. I walked to our beside, getting a few of my favorite books.

I walked into our kitchen, and pulled down all my tea, thinking I was going to drink as much as I could.

I walked into our living room, looking at the shelves on the walls that was filled with Oliver and Nox photos. My favorite of us in the park that Tom had gotten of us. I grabbed that one. I was going to take this one, just for me.

I walked into our bathroom, taking his almost empty cologne bottle so I could smell him when I needed him.

I looked in the mirror, seeing a different Lennox. She was paler. Her skin was dull, and had no life.

Heidi was right. We all have things in our life that makes us who we are, and why we are. How we are sane. I found mine, and now that I'm giving him up, I'm losing it. Not as quickly, but I'm losing it. I bit my lip, seeing this girl mimic me, before tears spilled out of my eyes. I shut off the light.

Walking into the kitchen, grabbing an envelope and a piece of paper.