My Sanity in This Insane World

I was told I was going to spend the day with Heidi, seeing as it was her first day trying to get off the medication.

I showed up to her house at ten in the morning, a bright smile adoring her face. She welcomed me in, asking me where Oliver was.

"Oh, he's at his band practice. Or sleeping. One of the two." She laughed.

"He's in a band?"

"Oh yes. He's very proud of it. It's actually doing very well. He's on constant tours. About to go on one within the next few months, actually.

"This Oliver kid, you really like him, don't you," she asked, as she took my coat and scarf, hanging them up on the coat rack.

"I guess you could say that," I said with a little smile.

We walked into the kitchen. Tea was being made, the kettle not yet whistling. I could tell she was cooking something. The smell of spices just filled my nose.

"Banana bread. Robert's favorite. Do you like it?" I smiled.

"It's my favorite."

Heidi smiled over at me, running a hand through my hair. I was used to people touching my hair. Especially my clients. They found it interesting, how red it was.

"You remind me of my daughter, Jenna." She smiled lovingly. "I'm not even going to pretend that you don't know what I did to her. Such a horrible part of my past." She hung her head, twisting her mouth to the side.

"Oh, hey now. You didn't know what you were doing. I'm sure she forgives you." She shook her head.

"The last time I talked to her was on her wedding day. She looked so beautiful. But I only got to speak for a few minutes. I didn't even get to say sorry. The last thing she told me was that she wasn't going to let me near her children." I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth, sucking it.

No mother should have to hear that from her child. That's just too horrible.

"She'll talk to you, I'm sure."

"Oh no. Her wedding was eighteen years ago this May. She doesn't want to talk to me. I've received pictures though. Three beautiful baby girls, ranging from sixteen to nine, and two handsome boys, twelve and five." She showed me pictures that hung on the wall, as I nibbled on the banana bread. She named them from oldest to youngest. "Mark and Ida's; Linda and Maria. Jenna and Henry's family; Hannah, Julia, Ethan, Alana, and Brett. Then little Kinna and George's with only baby Taylor and Robert Jr. Their the youngest family."

Heidi smiled, gently touching the photograph of the toddle - nearly four - of a toothy grin that was Taylor. She was beautiful, none the least. They all were. Each owned a pair of crystal blue eyes, just like their grandmother that stood before me.

"I love looking at these pictures. They make me so happy. It's like their with me, everyday." I came to an older photo, fading away, that was of a young man and his lover. They looked so happy.

"Who's this?" I asked. She tore her eyes away from her grandchildren, looking over. I don't think I've ever seen a bigger smile on a face before.

"That's myself and Robert. Amazing, isn't? What years can do to a person." She laughed. I couldn't believe it. Not only was this woman beautiful inside and out now, but back then, she was model material.

She had such a big smile on her face. It was gorgeous.

"How old were you two?"

"At least seventeen, if not sixteen." She looked over at me. "If you'd like, I'd tell you our story." I smiled, nodding. She sat me down, before seating herself, and looking towards me.

"We met in school. He was the older kid, the handsome kid. I never in a million years thought he was going to choose me. But sure enough, he did. We stayed together, through it all." She smiled. "I remember how his eyes looked at me. It reminds me a lot of the way Oliver looks at you." I blushed.

"And then what?" I asked, trying to get off the subject of me and Oliver. She picked up a little sewing kit, beginning to just slowly stitch a quick picture thing.

"And then we got married. Such a beautiful wedding. Nothing pricey or anything. After that, I got pregnant. With Markus. And a couple years later, Kinna and Jenna were on the way. We lived a normal life, until that fatal day. It was horrible." She looked down at her hands.

It was quiet for a few minutes, as I let her be in her own thoughts. I leaned forward, taking one of her hands in mine.

"I was wondering, did you ever think that you - "

"Were a schizo? Oh yes. I thought it all the time. But it never got horrible until he was gone." She paused, before saying, "Do you ever feel like Oliver is just there for a reason."

"Heidi, he's not my boyfriend."

"I know, honey," she said with a smile. "But do you?"

I twisted my lip to the side. "Yeah, I mean, I guess."

"That's what Robert was to me. Only he was my sanity. That's what he was for. And when he left - I'm sure you know, with Oliver gone on tour a lot. It's just different. You feel different. I just lost my sanity, so the schizophrenia took over my life."

"You lost your sanity?"

"Oh my goodness, yes. Everyone has their sanity somewhere within this insane world. Whether it be a hobby, family, a pet, or, in our case, a lover. We - "

"Heidi," I mumbled.

"I know, I know. He's not your boyfriend. Whatever. We have it. And we need it, or else you'll end up like me."

We shared a quick laugh, before I looked at her, cocking my head to the side. The clock struck three, telling me it was time to get back to the office, and start on some late paperwork that needed to be done.

"I have one last question before I leave, Heidi."

"What's that, m'dear?" she asked, looking up at me from her sewing.

"Why are you so happy today? You seemed so sad the other day."

She smiled, closing her eyes. "I'm no longer numb. Without this medication, I can hear his voice again. I haven't heard it in over thirty years."