Rhythm of Love

Alex's Point Of View

Nora left quickly and I got up, alarmed. Nothing seemed to be wrong, and I readied myself to settle back in the seat when I noticed my brother was awake.

"Hey bro," his coarse voice managed, the sound grating on my ear drums. I was so used to his almost whimsical voice I'd never thought to notice it until now. He was smiling gently at me and I noticed the difference in him that must have happened while I was sleeping. Before, he had looked stable, alive, but now, his entire body looked wasted. . . Gone. "Happy birthday Alex," Eli said quietly.

"Some birthday," I muttered angrily. Eli grimaced.

"Don't look at it like the way you're looking at it now. Look at it like the last day we spent together."

"That doesn't help Eli," I growled. "And besides, you're not going to die." I made a lame gesture towards all of the things he was connected to. "You're safe here." A shadow passed over Eli's face and he sighed.

"Still so damn stubborn," he sighed. I couldn't help but smile, not my large toothy grin but an honest smile that only Eli and Nora had ever seen.

"Course. You know us Barlow boys." His eyes searched my face and he returned my smile.

"You've always been my big brother, y'know? Always so important to me. I'm sorry things turned out like this."

"Sorry for what?" I said, trying to keep the fact that my resolve was slowly crumbling to nothing out of my voice. "None of this is your fault."

"I know," he sighed. "But that doesn't make it any easier on you," here he paused, then smiled, "hey, Lex, promise me something."

"What?" Anything, I added silently.

"Go to India, and do that spiritual track thing we said we would do." I smiled again, but I knew that it looked forced, even to him.

"I promise."

"Good. And. . . Promise me one more thing," he said, his speech sluring and slowing.

"Anything," I whispered aloud.

"Remember that," he said firmly, closing his eyes and taking a long, deep breath. "Love Nora right. Treat the guys okay. Don't give up on the band." Here he looked at me sharply and said, "Tell everyone my story."

"Eli. . ." He smiled at me.

"I love you, Lex. Remember I'm always by your side. . . Okay? Always. . ."

"No, Eli, please," I begged. "I promise I'll take care of everyone but you can't leave me▬" He took a deep, shuddering breath as his eyes closed slowly. I kept my eyes on his sunken face as the lifeline went flat.

Tears filled my eyes as the nurses came in and asked me what happened. I couldn't form my mouth around the words, yet the understood. Cheryl asked me if I needed any shock medication, but I shook my head and stood, walking out into the white, sanitary halls and slowly stepping toward the lobby. My heart thundered in my chest as I fought not to punch a wall.

I entered the lobby, and it was a sorry sight. Nicolette hugged Nora as she sobbed. Damien sat next to them, a sober, depressed look on his face. All around them, the guys talked quietly. Xavier and Mitchell noticed me first, and everyone looked up at me slowly. Damien stood as a tear rolled over the rim of my eye and splashed onto the floor.

"Eli is dead," I said quietly, just loud enough for them to hear. Each and every one of their faces fell, and some of them outright began to cry. That made me fight to keep my composure as Damien took a crying Nora into his arms and Nicolette stepped up to me, a cupcake in her hands.

"Eli asked me to get this for you," she said, her voice barely above a whisper, tears rolling from her eyes. The numbers 21 were ontop in icing. "It's chocolate. He said. . . Just in case he couldn't do it himself. . ." I stared at it for a few minutes.

I looked up at her and smiled weakly. "Could you hold onto it for me?" I asked her. "I'm afraid I'll smush it or. . ." She nodded and walked back to Nora and Damien.

I stared at my friends. They were like extended family to me and Eli. But now there was a problem--there was no Eli. There was no family. "Excuse me," I say, starting towards the sliding doors. "I need to be alone." No one objected. I suppose they understood. I walked out of the sickening building and veered away from the sight of a truck that looked like mine. The one I'd talked and laughed with Eli in so many times.

I just walked and walked and suddenly found myself at a cliff overlooking the sea. I sat down and looked over it, awash with memories of the brother I no longer had.

I was ten, and he was nine. It was our first visit to the beach, and the only reason we had gone was because Conner's parents had time off duty and had offered to take us while our mom "searched for a job." Conner opted to stay with his mom and make a sand castle, as making things had always been the thing he was best at, so Conner's dad took us to the water.

"Shark!" some older kid screamed, trying to scare the younger kids out of the water. Eli froze and looked at me.

"Alex? Are there really sharks in there?"

"No," I told him. "Just some kids trying to spook you Eli." He didn't look so sure, and I looked up at Conner's dad helplessly. He smiled at me patiently and I turned to Eli. "How about I go in and kill all the sharks for you, so that you can come and play in the ocean?

"Would you really, Alex? Can you do it? Won't they kill you?" he asked, hope shining in his eyes.

"'Course," I said, wading into the water. "Stay with Conner's dad, alright?" He nodded and watched me as I started swimming. I pretended to be dragged under water and heard his scream, but he didn't move. Then I surfaced and started punching at the water, yelling, "Ha! You sharks are no match for me!" I once more pretended to be dragged under water, then resurfaced and punched the water particularly hard as a wave crashed ontop of me.

When I finally got to shore, I grinned at my brother, who was disentangling himself from seaweed. "What is this stuff?" he asked, looking at it like it was some sort of alien artifact.

"Shark guts," I said matter of factly. "I killed them all. That's why theres so much of it. Come on, water's safe now." I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the water, and this time, he did not hesitate.

I found tears spilling over my eyes and I shook my head clear. Rustling behind me had me whirl around quickly, and the guy stopped with his hands in the air.

"I just meant to give you a free sample," he said. He slowly pulled out a baggy and handed it to me. I took it slowly. "If you ever want more, contact me. Here's my card." He handed me a small slip of paper and disappeared.

I frowned at it all and shoved it in my pocket, my thoughts returning to Eli. He was gone. So gone.

Damien appeared, caught sight of me, and started over. "Don't jump, okay?" I realized what he meant when I saw that I was standing on the cliff still. I sat down slowly and wiped my tears away, wondering how many times I had to do that for my own brother. It felt like part of my soul had been ripped out.

"Not planning on it," I said as he sat next to me.

"You probably don't want to hear it," he said, "but I'm sorry. We all are." I shrugged.

"You can be sorry all you want. It won't bring Eli back."

"Guess not," he said quietly.

"Why'd you come after me?"

"You left the hospital five hours ago. We've been looking for you since one thirty."

"I see." A silence stretched between us.

"You know Eli would want you to be happy," Damien said suddenly.

"I know," I replied.

Surprised by my response, Damien started and said, "Wait, what?"

"I know he wants me to be happy. Consider it his dying wish. And whatever the fuck I do, it's not gonna go against that. If Eli wants me to be happy, then I'm gonna be fucking happy," I vowed.

Damien grinned and pulled a box out of his pocket, handing it to me. "What's this?" I asked.

"A gift from all of us. It was Eli's idea. When you stormed off into Disney, he asked us to all pitch in for it, so it could be a group thing." I pulled out a thick gold ring with an aquamarine jewel precisely the color of my eyes. "Nora and Nicolette made us go for that one. And Eli got it engraved." I looked inside of it and couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped my lips.

Y'know us Barlow Boys.

"This isn't the end," Damien vowed. "We've still got our future. You still have Nora. I have Nicolette."

"Yeah, you're right," I said quietly, looking out at the horizon.

Despite all that I said, all that I promised, I still found myself keeping secrets. More than anything, Eli's de-absence made me lose what little sanity I had left.

There's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears, when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears. I held your hand through all of these years.