Reckless and Relentless

So hence you left me hanging
In a room with a noose and a chair
You told me to stay put
And reminded me why I was there

The day of the barbecue I was so nervous; how I managed to get dressed and make it to Brian’s I’ll never know. I dressed up in one of my two piece bathing suits and just threw on a pair of girly board shorts that would cover my upper legs. Hopefully no one would ask why I didn’t take my shorts off. I got in my car and drove slowly to Brian’s it was amazing how well I really could do things when I wasn’t sober. I felt a little tingly all over and a little dizzy but it went away, so I tried to convince myself it was because of the heat and not because of all the pills I swallowed before leaving my house. When I got outside of the house I had to take a few deep cleansing breaths before I stepped out of the car. I noticed a few cars already in the driveway, mostly everyone was here already. It was now or never, I preferred never but that wasn’t going to happen, I really didn’t want Matt coming to get me because I knew he wouldn’t hesitate to just throw me over his shoulder and drag me kicking and screaming.

I went to the door and rang the doorbell and waited on the front steps patiently. The door slowly opened and there stood Michelle and Val.

“You’re here, we thought you wouldn’t come.” Val squealed as she pulled me into a hug.

“Come on now Brian threatened to send your husband after me if I didn’t how could I refuse.” I replied.

“For once I’m glad people think he is so intimidating when in reality he is just a big teddy bear. But ssssh we’ll still let him think he scares people.” Val said.

“We’ll just let him think he’s still intimidating” I joked.

They led me through the house and out the backdoor to where the pool was. Most of the guys were all standing around the grill watching Brian, trying to pretend like they were helping out. Once they saw me they abandoned poor Brian to man the grill alone. Except for Zacky who had Gena plastered to his side. He wouldn’t even look at me while all the guys came up to me to say hello.

“It’s about time you showed your face around here we thought you moved away or didn’t like us anymore” Johnny said

“Aww short shit how could I not like you anymore, you’re the one person that is shorter than me I’ll always love you just for that.” I replied with a laugh.

“She’s here 15 seconds and she is already insulting my height, man have I missed you Dani” Johnny replied.

“Well it’s hard not to insult you, your fucking Johnny Christ if a day didn’t go by where you got an insult thrown at you it wouldn’t be a normal day.” Matt said. He grabbed into one of those bear hugs he’s famous for.

“We missed you around here, I know it’s hard for you to be around all of us and it makes you sad because he’s not with us. But we’re still your friends too.” Matt said.

“I know it was really hard at the funeral to see all of you standing there I was waiting for him to jump out from behind a tree and scream ‘gotcha’. It was weird to see all of you together and not see him with you all. That was the hardest for me.” I replied.

“It just really sucks to know that he’s not going to be calling me up at 3am with a song idea.” Matt said.

“I know it does suck, I think I’m going to go and say hello to poor Brian whom you left all alone to make all the food for your lazy asses. Maybe I’ll even give him a hand and plus an added bonus I’ll try to be extra annoying to Gena” I whispered. This caused to Matt to laugh loudly.

“Boy have I missed you” He replied.

I skipped over to Brian and threw my arms over the back of his shoulders and planted a peck on his cheek.

“Hello Bri-bear I’ve come to help you since all of your other so called friends have left you in the dust to make the food by yourself. Plus I can see Vengeance over there doesn’t look to helpful” I said.

He wrapped his free arm around my waist and hugged me. He grabbed his beer and grabbed one from the cooler to give to me. The dizzy and tingly feeling was starting to come back but I managed to make it go away.

“Yeah no shit Zacky looks more like he could be my new lawn ornament. The rest of the guys are trying to look like they don’t see me working hard over here. Yeah I’m talking to you Christ and Shadows don’t try and hide behind your girlfriends.” He replied with a smirk.

“Have no fear I’ll help you, though I don’t know how much help I’ll be. Grills and I don’t mix last time I tried this Jimmy had to call the fire department because I set the grill on fire.” I replied with a smile.

“I remember that he ran around with that damn fire extinguisher, he did more harm than good. I tried to wrestle that thing out of his hands but he insisted that he could put out the fire. The only thing he managed to do was spray me with the damn thing and the grill still went up in flames.” He said.

“Well let’s get the food grilled up so that we can eat.” I said.

“Since your nice enough to help me, I’ll make sure you get to eat first.” He replied

“No thanks I’ll wait until everyone else has their food, I’m not going to lose a limb because Matt is hungry. I’ll just let the guys get their food first it will be easier for everyone because you know their just going to whine anyways.” I said.

“Whatever you want Dani-bear” Brian said.

When he said my nickname Zacky shot me a look, he knows that no one has called me that in a long time. It was what Jimmy always used to call me when we were growing up. It looked like it almost bugged him that Brian called me that and I didn’t rip his head off. Oh well I don’t have time to analyze the emotions and body language of Zacky Vengeance, because right now he was just pissing me off. He wouldn’t even acknowledge me because Gena literally had a death grip on his arm. I think he was afraid to say hello to me. Now anyone who knows me knows I love to make things interesting and things are about to get very interesting.

“You know Zacky you really would make a good lawn ornament the way you’re standing so still and won’t say a word. Can I go get one of those red cone hats and put it on your head and paint your cheeks red? Then you would really fit the role of lawn ornament. Although the skank that you have attached to your hip doesn’t really fit the garden theme Brian has going so she definitely has to go” I said as I sipped my beer.

My little comment caused Brian to choke on his beer he tried to disguise his laugh by pretending he was coughing. The rest of the guys were just staring in awe, the girls looked like they were ready for a fight because with me you just didn’t know when a brawl would sporadically happen. When Gena and I were concerned sometimes violence ensues. Usually I try to just stay away from her and not start shit, but I was so fucking high right now I just couldn’t stop from running my mouth even if I tried. Besides I was still pissed from the last time I had to be in the same airspace as her. Zacky just looked shocked that I said something like that.

“Are you going to let her talk to me like that?” Gena yelled.

“That’s not very nice you know Dani” he replied quietly.

“That’s all you’re going to say, is it’s not very nice what are we five year olds. She fuckin insults me and that’s all your going to say to defend me” She screamed as she slapped him across the chest hard.

That was it that was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. I stayed quiet and let her try to change him to what she wanted him to be and if he didn’t have enough balls to stand up to her that was his problem. I’ll even let the fact go that she didn’t really like any of his friends and that she was only with him for his money. But when she hit him that’s what made me snap because I know Zacky would never lay a finger on a woman no matter how pissed he was. She continuously kept slapping him in the chest and arm and I could tell that he was getting mad but I know he wouldn’t do anything to stop her. I grabbed her hand before she could land one more hit on him.

“Hit him one more fuckin time and I will break every fuckin bone in your hand. Your only hitting him because you know he would never hit you back because you’re a girl but newsflash if he won’t fuckin do it then I will. So I dare you hit him again” I said as I squeezed her wrist. She lifted up her freehand and slapped him across the face, game fuckin over. I saw red I balled up my fist and slammed it into her perfect nose and felt satisfaction when I heard the crack of bone and watched as blood started to spurt from her nose. I wish I could say I got some satisfaction from that but I didn’t because Zacky didn’t even look at me. When he did he just gave me a dirty look.

“Did you really have to go and do that?” he asked.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now, are you that blind that you don’t see. Wake the fuck up she is a gold digging whore. She doesn’t like any of your friends and she makes it known. She hates my guts for some reason which I still don’t know because I’ve never done anything to her. She picks on you about your weight, she constantly tries to change who you are and you let her. What the hell happened to the Zacky who didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought of him and just wanted to show the world that he was going to make something of himself? I’d really like that Zacky back because this one isn’t him; he wouldn’t let a girl walk all over him I don’t care how good the sex is” I said.

“Sometimes people change and if you don’t like the way that I am then maybe we can’t be friends anymore.” He replied.

It finally happened he picked a whore over his best friend. To say that it hurt would be an understatement, because it killed me inside and out. I lost my brother and one of my best friends all in the same month. Talk about having a shitty month.

“If that’s the way it has to be then that’s fine with me. Have a nice life Zacky Baker. I think I’m going to go home I really don’t feel like being here anymore. Guys thanks for inviting me it’s been real, it’s been fun but I hate to say it hasn’t been real fun” I replied with a forced laugh.

Right now I just needed to get out of there, I felt nauseous. I never got this feeling before, my head was spinning. The dizzying and tingly numbing feeling came back full force and this time I couldn’t make it go away. Just as I was about to make it through the sliding glass doors into the house, I felt hands pull me back. Please let me go whoever you are because I need to figure out what’s wrong with me and why I feel this way.

“You’re not going anywhere just because Zacky wants to be a douche doesn’t mean you have to leave.” Brian said.

At this point I would have said anything he wanted to hear just so he let me go. I needed to find a bathroom and quick.

“Ok I’ll stay just let me go to the bathroom, I’m not feeling so good right now. I think the heat is getting to me” I lied. I knew he could tell there was something majorly wrong with me. I was sweaty but cold at the same time.

“Alright just use the bathroom downstairs you remember where it is right?”

“Yeah” I replied. I pulled myself out of his arms and took one last look at everyone Zacky had such an odd expression on his face but fuck him who cares what he thinks now he’s not my friend anymore and then I walked as steadily as I could to the bathroom.

When I got to the bathroom I shut the door behind me I tried to keep myself standing by leaning on the sink. I pulled off my sunglasses and almost jumped back my eyes were so dilated you could barely tell what my eye color was. This was not good. I tried to force myself to throw up like Jimmy always made me do, but it wasn’t working.

Everything was starting to get blurry I sat with my back against the tub. My limbs felt like they weighed a ton I couldn’t move them if I tried. What the fuck was happening to me, this has never happened to me before at least not from what I can remember. I feel so sleepy but I think that if I sleep I don’t know if I’ll wake up I slowly laid down and curled up I rested my head on my arm and brought my knees to my chest. The cold tile felt good against my hot skin. I could hear whispers in my ear it almost sounded like Jimmy’s voice but that can’t be, he’s gone and he isn’t here to see me like this. I wouldn’t want to disappoint him again. The whispers became louder it was almost like screaming, so many voices screaming at once. I could feel someone banging on my chest, really what do I look like a drum set. Then there was just silence and I swear I saw the most beautiful thing in front of my eyes.

Jimmy, my Jimmy he looked so sad though. He was talking to me and pointing in the opposite direction but I couldn’t hear him. When I saw him I just wanted to run faster to get to him but he kept on getting farther away and he kept on pointing behind me. Then all I could hear in that direction were screams why the hell would I want to go back to that. When I finally could read his lips all I could make out was ‘it’s not your time, go back’ then he was gone and I was all alone.

The screaming got louder and louder in my ears until finally all it was murmuring of voices. Some I recognized and some I didn’t.

“We got a pulse and a steady heartbeat back but she might have to have her stomach pumped, because we don’t know what she has in her system right now.”

“Then why the hell are we sitting here talking, let’s go”

The second voice almost sounded like Zacky but that couldn’t be he didn’t like me anymore guess I was hallucinating now. Maybe everything was a hallucination, just a bad acid trip. I would wake up and everything would be fine, Jimmy would be banging down my door asking me to make him pancakes and sausage and then we would go to the beach and play in the water just like when we were kids.

“It’s ok Dani-bear, you’re going to be alright”

Now I know that definitely had to be Zacky’s voice, I raised my hand to touch his face. At this point I couldn’t even be sure if I was touching him or not I was so disoriented I wasn’t sure if I was even lifting my hand. I felt something being placed over my face. But when I felt lips come in contact with my hand I knew that I had in fact managed to raise my hand. Once I felt the coolness of his snakebites I knew who it was and I felt safe. Zacky would help me at least I hope he could help me. But at this point was there really any hope fore me.