Reckless and Relentless

Don't try and get me confused.
Cause I do understand.
And sometimes people need help.

If someone would have told me that I would have willingly agreed to go to rehab, I would have called them crazy. But here I am totally agreeing to do this; I must have lost my mind. But when I tried to think of a legitimate reason to get out of going to rehab my mind came up with nothing. As I looked around that small hospital room into all the eyes of everyone I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to talk my way out of it. How was I ever going to get through this, I mean deep down I knew I had a problem I just didn't want to face reality.

Life as I know it was going to change drastically not only was I going to have to come to terms with a lot of things that I've tried so hard to keep buried deep inside me. I was going to have to start actually telling everyone the secrets that I've been hiding. My life was just about to suck even more. Why couldn't I have just made it out of that damn house in the first place, hell I shouldn't have gone to that damn barbecue? If it weren't for that I wouldn't have to pack up my life and live in a stupid rehab facility. I can already see that I wasn't going to be pleasant to be around for the next few months.

Luckily for me the guys were trying to figure out what they were going to do as a band. So they had a lot on their plate, I was hoping that I could just stay under the radar and maybe this would all blow over and I wouldn't have to spend the next few months in rehab.
I only had to stay a few days in the hospital and when I was discharged I was trying to figure out a plan of escape but every time I turned around someone was with me. I was never left alone unless I had to use the bathroom. Someone was always with me there was no way I was going to be able to try to sneak out of this hospital. This was hell, I figured that maybe on the day I was discharged I could manage something, but apparently god had other plans for me.

The doctor from the ER agreed to discharge me as long as I showed up at the rehab facility the next morning. Once she discharged I figured I'd take a cab home, but when I walked out of the sliding glass doors. My worst nightmare was laid out in front of my eyes. There stood Zacky leaned against his bmw with his arms crossed over his chest. If I wasn't so mad at him I would almost say he looked good. He wore a hat on his head and a pair of sunglasses over his eyes. But I was still pissed so he could have been naked and I wouldn't have batted an eyelash.

"I would rather walk than go anywhere with you, so have a nice day" I said as I started walking down the sidewalk.

We still haven't really spoken since the fight we had before all the shit that went down with me. But he said what he felt and I really didn't care anymore, he made his choice. He picked Gena over his friend and that was fine by me. I didn't need him, I would always at least be somewhat grateful that he found me in Brian's bathroom. But as far as being best friends again it would take a lot a major apologizing on his part for us to get back to where we were before.

"Listen I'm not going to let you walk all the way home and knowing you, you're probably planning to try to escape so that you don't have to go rehab tomorrow. That's why I'm here to take you home and I'm staying with you tonight. Then I'll drop you off tomorrow morning at rehab."

"Over my rotting dead corpse is any of that happening" I replied.

"Well whether you like it or not that's what's happening, so you can either get in my car willingly or I can throw you over my shoulder and put you in the car." he said getting really close to my face.

Sometimes I'm too stubborn for my own good I should have known he wasn't bluffing when I tried to walk away from him; he just grabbed me and literally threw me over his shoulder. I was so shocked that he actually had the balls to do that to me, that he almost got to the car without me putting up a fight until I pulled my head out of my ass and started to kick and scream. Boy did all the people that were standing around the hospital get a free show. What a sight in must have been Zacky struggling to keep my over his shoulder as I screamed at him and punched his back. He had finally had enough with me punching his back so he put me down on my feet and pinned my back to his passenger door.

"Listen to me you need to stop fighting me and just deal with it, this is for your own good. If you want to keep being a bitch about it that's fine by me. But it doesn't matter if you like it or not, rehab awaits you tomorrow morning so instead of fighting me just get over it." He said.

"If I'm a bitch then you're an asshole, so why don't you just go away. Don't you get that I really don't want to be near you. Let alone have to get in a car with you and then have to spend my last night of being a free person with you. I would rather slit my wrists and bleed out right here on this sidewalk" I replied vehemently.

"Well that's too bad for you darling because I'm not going anywhere, so you best get in the car. I'm sure you'll want to go home and pack your things for tomorrow." He replied with a smirk.

I stomped my foot and pushed him away from me and whipped open the passenger door. I threw my bag in the car and sat myself in the seat, I pulled my ipod out of my pocket and stuck the ear buds in my ears and crossed my arms over my chest. Just because I had to be in the same car as him didn't mean I actually had to talk to him. To everyone else I was probably being childish but I really didn't give a shit. I didn't even have control of my own life anymore.

No one trusted me enough to be alone tonight or to go to rehab tomorrow. I can't say that I really blamed them, after everyone went through my apartment needless to say things got a little bit worse, all of the pills that I had hidden were disposed of and all of my razorblades were thrown away.
I know I needed help I was just being stubborn about everything. I didn't want to be proven wrong I know I should have gotten help a long time ago. But there were so many things that scared me and I didn't know if I could deal with them. I wanted to get better and just be able to deal with all my shit.

The drive to my house seemed to stretch on for eternity. When we finally got to my apartment building I hopped out of the car before he even had the car in park. I pulled my ear buds out and walked into the lobby. I grabbed my mail from my mailbox and headed for the elevator. I knew that Zacky was trailing behind me but I just chose to ignore him. When I got into my apartment I threw the mail down and tossed my bag on the couch. I took a look around the apartment and realized that after tonight I would be staying somewhere that was strange to me.

"I'm going to go take a shower and then lay down and watch some tv. After that I'll probably just go to sleep." I said.

"Ok I'm just going to crash on the couch" He replied.

Usually I wasn't so unsocialable when someone was over my apartment but under the current circumstances it was necessary. Zacky and I weren't on good terms and I just wanted to be alone to think. If he and I weren't on such bad terms I wouldn't be holing myself up in my room alone, me and him would probably be curled up on my bed watching old horror movie reruns. But that's just not the way the world works so I'm alone in my room and he's out in the living room sleeping on my couch.

I took the longest shower in history when I was done with that then I dragged myself out of the bathroom and started to pack some clothes in my suitcase. I really did dread what tomorrow would bring but I knew it was necessary. After I had finished packing everything I would need, I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes. I must have been more tired than I thought because I was asleep in minutes. My dreams were filled of Jimmy acting crazy chasing after stallion ducks and a certain green eyed boy that caught my eye so long ago.