Status: Chaos
Four and a Half Hearts
Chapter 2
Ian looks up at me and smiles. It disgusts me. Not Ian, but the fact that I had let myself go again. I smile back half-heartedly, then say playfully (but really meaning it),
"Alright, get out. I gotta get dressed and what not." I head towards my dresser, hoping when I turn around he'll just be gone.
"Well fine then! No kiss?" A wave of irritation washes over me.
"Ian... Just go??" I huff without turning to face him. My hands turn to fists at my sides, and I hold my breath. When I finally hear the door click shut I unclench my fists and breathe. Without thinking I quickly lock the door and sink to the floor.
"God what is wrong with you?..." I whisper into my hands, resisting the tears threatening to leak out. Why can't I just face the truth?... Spotting a marker on my night stand, I pick it up and go back to the door. On the wall next to the corner of the door I write the word sideways: WHORE. In small enough letters that you can only read it if your sitting on the floor.
Thats what you are... I think to myself, remembering the night before.
We'd been smoking weed that Kaide had brought home for Ian. Grant and Ryan were asleep, and Kaide was god knows where. So It was just Ian and I, sitting on the couch, talking. Next thing I know, we're in my bed. Kissing, touching. And I can't think. Everything is so heavy and happy. All I know is that feeling his body heat against mine feels so good. I'm just dreaming, thinking, floating. He's kissing down my chest, down my stomach. He looks up at me and gives me a wicked grin before his head bows down between my legs...
A knock at my door shakes me out of my thoughts.
"Carley?...." Its Ryan's voice. I rub my eyes, failing at my attempt to hide my tears. Then I open the door.
"Yeah..?" He walks in and sits next to me, then closes the door.
"Whats wrong?.." He asks, putting a hand on my arm. I just sigh and look away from him. He sees the marker on the wall, and rolls his index finger over the purple letters.
"What?..Carley.. Why?..." He turns my chin to face him, pointing at the wall. I just stare at him.
"Alright, get out. I gotta get dressed and what not." I head towards my dresser, hoping when I turn around he'll just be gone.
"Well fine then! No kiss?" A wave of irritation washes over me.
"Ian... Just go??" I huff without turning to face him. My hands turn to fists at my sides, and I hold my breath. When I finally hear the door click shut I unclench my fists and breathe. Without thinking I quickly lock the door and sink to the floor.
"God what is wrong with you?..." I whisper into my hands, resisting the tears threatening to leak out. Why can't I just face the truth?... Spotting a marker on my night stand, I pick it up and go back to the door. On the wall next to the corner of the door I write the word sideways: WHORE. In small enough letters that you can only read it if your sitting on the floor.
Thats what you are... I think to myself, remembering the night before.
We'd been smoking weed that Kaide had brought home for Ian. Grant and Ryan were asleep, and Kaide was god knows where. So It was just Ian and I, sitting on the couch, talking. Next thing I know, we're in my bed. Kissing, touching. And I can't think. Everything is so heavy and happy. All I know is that feeling his body heat against mine feels so good. I'm just dreaming, thinking, floating. He's kissing down my chest, down my stomach. He looks up at me and gives me a wicked grin before his head bows down between my legs...
A knock at my door shakes me out of my thoughts.
"Carley?...." Its Ryan's voice. I rub my eyes, failing at my attempt to hide my tears. Then I open the door.
"Yeah..?" He walks in and sits next to me, then closes the door.
"Whats wrong?.." He asks, putting a hand on my arm. I just sigh and look away from him. He sees the marker on the wall, and rolls his index finger over the purple letters.
"What?..Carley.. Why?..." He turns my chin to face him, pointing at the wall. I just stare at him.