Four and a Half Hearts

He keeps asking why, but he knows I won't answer. I never do. Instead I get up and turn my Ipod player on shuffle. "If I Ever Leave This World Alive" by Flogging Molly starts playing. A smile breaks through my fog of sadness as I walk back to sit next to Ryan. He looks up at me, shaking his head, with that familiar glint in his eyes.

We sit there for a few minutes, quiet. His arm barely brushing mine. I feel so comfortable near him, as always. Like I could just be completely myself, say everything going through my mind, and let it all out. I never feel embarrassed. I look over at him and smile, then we both start singing.

This hadn't happened for far too long. I'd missed it a lot, even if I hadn't realized it. He reaches for my hand, and I let him hold it, because I don't care. Everyone can probably hear us but we don't mind.

I can feel his happiness radiating over me, filling me with warmth. He has a way of making me laugh and smile even if hes not trying. What would I do without you? I think, not knowing the answer. All I can think about is now.

How I feel like I'm being held, cuddled, by pure happiness. And I know it won't last, but for now, I don't care.