Better than you can imagine

I get on the bus. Everything goes silent. Everyone is watching me the whole way to my seat. I slump down in my seat and give a confused look. The bus stays still a little longer than normal, and then continues forward.

Happy Monday.

I shuffle through my bag and get my tape player and put in Iron Maiden. Peeking over the seat, all I see are eyes and moving lips. I can feel that they are all talking about me. About what I did to Cory. All of the glances are at me.

I stay seated until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I jump a little and turn to the side to see who's hand it is.

It's Jason.

I push my headphones down around my neck.

'What do you want?' I ask, with an attitude in my tone.

He looks at me, then the floor and pauses while giving out a sigh.

'Look... Cory was unconcious until Sunday morning. And after he woke up, he wasn't allowed any visitors until 9 p.m. I came over with my mom, and I had some alone time with him. He said that since he's been in the hospital he's had a lot of time to think... Think about all of the things he's said to you. About you. What he's done to you. And he just wanted to apologise for what he did to you. It wasn't right. And it sucks that it took what it did for him to come back to reality, but after his broken collar bone, fractured rib cage, huge bump on his forehead, broken nose, dislocated jaw, and black eyes, he's sorry.'

I paused, looking down to the floor. What will accepting the apology do? Make everything happy like nothing happened? As if I haven't been spending the past few years of my life in a living hell? Like these mental scars will just magically dissapear and everything will be roses. I looked at Jason, and then turned back around in my seat.

'It's going to take a lot more than a petty apology through a friend to get my forgivness.'

I put my head phones back on. The bus stopped. We're at Gerard's stop. I watch him come down the aisle. There is no response to his coming on the bus. Probably because he didn't really do anything. He is just the only person on my good side. I pull my legs under a little so he can squeeze by me and sit by the window. I feel like being on the outside today.

I turn down the volume.

'Hey' he said. 'Still sore from Friday?'

'A little. I really fucking hurt my arm from those punches. I'm not used to that.'

'I think he's in a little more pain than that' he said, chuckling.

I just gave a slight smirk. I didn't laugh too much. I was still angry about everything Cory ever did. I beat him to a pulp, but I'd fucking liquidize him if it didn't mean killing him. I would never want to kill him. Because then he would just get the easy way out. There's no ongoing pain. No torment. It's just a small time frame and then it's over. And there's no way that 15 minutes could ever, legally, pay back all of those years of torment he did to me. No way in hell.

I look past Gerard and out the window. I realize we're almost at school. I sit up and give a pondering look.

'What's on your mind?' Gerard asked.

'You know... I don't really feel like going to class. In fact, I'm kind of hungry. Let's go out.'

Gerard looks at me, and I look at him. We both smirk to each other, and grow into smiles.

'I'm game.'