Disenchanted
One/One.
The green summer grass sprawls out in front of me into a world full of blooming trees and brick paved walking paths. I clutch my iPod with my left hand, gently swaying my head to the music pouring into my ears. The summer sun in Kirksville is warm, gently penetrating my skin, giving it a warm, lustrous glow. In my right hand I grasp the award winning, student produced Truman State University Index newspaper. I glance at the byline on the top fold, front page news story; the words “Cassidee Eversman, Editor In Chief” stare up at me with a sense of accomplishment and dedication. In my four short years as journalism major I’ve managed to stake my claim at every position the paper has to offer, news editor, opinions editor, and features editor. In the 50 years since the journalism department was introduced at Truman State only one other person has managed to earn an editorship their freshman year and continue on to hold every editor’s position the Index has.
I look up from the words that provide me overwhelming joy to see the journalism school staring me straight in the face. I slowly open the heavy, glass door and take in the scent of freshly printed newspapers.
“There you are, I’ve been waiting for you to come in today, I have really great news!” Dr. Self, the head professor of communications, was smiling at me from the hallway to my right.
“Good news, eh? Are you sure it’s not just good in your mind, and it’s really bad news that I don’t want to hear?” It’s always been fun to tease him about that; he has strange sense of humor and tends to feel that news that makes the staff have to work more is good news. I think he just likes to laugh at us when we’re stressed out.
“It’s good news, Cassidee, I swear on my life,” he raised his right arm, forming a sloppy military salute with his hand. As some may say, I’m a true military brat, and bad salutes are one of my pet peeves.
“You know my dad was in the military?” I asked jokingly.
“I know, I know. I just like to mess with you,” he laughed.
“Surprise!” I heard voices yelling behind me. I turned around to see the 12 familiar faces of the Index staff staring back at me, eyes glowing with pride, mouths shaped into smiles filled with joy.
“You got the internship! Rolling Stone called earlier today, you’re in! You’re going to have so much fun in New York covering every aspect of the music business! I’m just so excited for you; I couldn’t wait to tell you!” Hayley, the news editor and my best friend, ran over to me and embraced me in a hug.
“I can’t believe this, this is a dream come true,” my eyes began to flood with water, and salty tears began to stain my cheeks. “I owe it all to you guys,” I smiled. “If I didn’t have a reliable staff on my side this would have never been possible.” Hayley released her arms from around me and let her tiny, ink stained fingers join themselves with mine.
“Don’t be so modest,” she laughed. “You earned this all by yourself; we’re just here to be happy for you.”
“I even splurged with the budget and got you a cake,” Dr. Self stood next to the staff, smiling from ear to ear.
“He’s really proud of you,” Hayley whispered to me as she lightly tapped my side, causing me to giggle.
“I hate to interrupt this party, but I was told I could find a Cassidee Eversman in here,” a tall, middle-aged man in a Kirksville police officer’s uniform said as he made his way around the corner.
“I’m Cassidee Eversman,” I was confused. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I sure don’t do drugs, so what could I have done?
“I need to speak with you in private for a moment, could you step over here for me?” he pointed to a spot near the building door.
“What’s wrong, officer?” I asked, lowering my voice, trying to hide my fear.
“Your mother, Deborah, was in a car accident an hour ago, she had three other passengers with her at the time of impact, your father, Michael, your sister, Leah, and her husband, Corey,” he paused for a moment. “Your mother’s car was traveling on north bound 63 when she was rear ended by a drunken tractor trailer driver. All passengers were killed on impact.”
“W-w-what about C-c-Corbin?” I asked, tears began to fall from my eyes again, this time they were filled with anger and despair.
“He wasn’t in the car, he was with a baby sitter in St. Louis. Because you’re his godmother, you now have legal custody of him. The babysitter is going to keep him for the next three days, you can use that time to gather your things and come home.” He must have given speeches like this hundreds of times before, his face lacked even the slightest bit of remorse. “I’ll leave you alone now.” He turned away from me, leaving me to cry in privacy. I heard his heavy boots drag across the carpet as he walked away.
How could this have happened? It’s all my fault. If I wouldn’t have went to a school three hours from home they would have never been on their way here to visit me. It’s my fault they’re all dead. I killed them. My thoughts were screaming at me from the inside of my overwhelmed head as the room began to spin. You have to give it all up, the internship, your dreams, your life. You have to go home and take care of Corbin, he needs a loving caregiver. You can’t let him go into foster care, you just can’t. How would you live with yourself? What am I going to do? How am I going to grow old without my mother? This isn’t real, it’s just a dream and you’ll wake up soon enough. I pinched myself, hoping the pain would convince me this was reality. Okay, maybe it’s not a dream.
The room started to spin at an alarming rate as I began to realize I had stopped breathing. I leaned forward with all my body weight, pushing the doors open exposing the outside air. I was still holding a copy of the Index in my right hand; I slowly raised my left hand and placed it on top of the worn edges of the newspaper. You have to erase any evidence of your dream, you can’t have anything that reminds you of what could have been. My left hand pulled the paper down with force, ripping it into tiny pieces. The Kirksville wind carried the shreds to their final resting place atop the brick paver entrance to building 1107.
“I found her!” Hayley screamed as she made her way through the doors. Their weight seemed to be synonymous with the severity of the situation that was just thrust into my grasp only moments ago.
I felt her cold arms wrap themselves around my waist as her hands clutched the fabric of my t-shirt.
“I’m so sorry, so so so sorry,” she whispered. Sorry wasn’t going to change the fact that my entire family was wiped out because one idiot decided he had to drink and drive.
“I know,” I buried my face in her chest, my tears began fall again and slowly dampened the cotton dress that graced her body.
“It’ll be okay,” she said as she pulled me in tighter. “The worst part is having to leave your dreams behind, and I can see you already did that,” she lightly laughed as she eyed the remains of the Index on the ground below her.
“Your dry humor isn’t helping you know,” I was completely sobbing now, nothing could stop the tears from falling down my mascara stained face.
I released myself from Hayley’s grasp and fell to ground. I pulled my exposed knees in close to my chest and wrapped my shaking arms around them. She’s right, the worst part is going to be leaving it all behind. You had the internship, you had your chance, but that’s the past. As the summer sun began to hide behind grey clouds, a single tiny raindrop bounced off my knee, covering it in cold moisture. I need to pack my bags and go home. I need to be with Corbin, I need to be there for him, I need to love him unconditionally, just like his mother always had.
“The hardest part is letting go of your dreams,” I looked up at Hayley, she had tear stains in her eyes and she was clutching her golden brown curls between her fingers. “But I’m not letting go, I’m moving on,” I smiled at her. I had always been known to make the best out of every situation, and that’s exactly what I was going to do.
I look up from the words that provide me overwhelming joy to see the journalism school staring me straight in the face. I slowly open the heavy, glass door and take in the scent of freshly printed newspapers.
“There you are, I’ve been waiting for you to come in today, I have really great news!” Dr. Self, the head professor of communications, was smiling at me from the hallway to my right.
“Good news, eh? Are you sure it’s not just good in your mind, and it’s really bad news that I don’t want to hear?” It’s always been fun to tease him about that; he has strange sense of humor and tends to feel that news that makes the staff have to work more is good news. I think he just likes to laugh at us when we’re stressed out.
“It’s good news, Cassidee, I swear on my life,” he raised his right arm, forming a sloppy military salute with his hand. As some may say, I’m a true military brat, and bad salutes are one of my pet peeves.
“You know my dad was in the military?” I asked jokingly.
“I know, I know. I just like to mess with you,” he laughed.
“Surprise!” I heard voices yelling behind me. I turned around to see the 12 familiar faces of the Index staff staring back at me, eyes glowing with pride, mouths shaped into smiles filled with joy.
“You got the internship! Rolling Stone called earlier today, you’re in! You’re going to have so much fun in New York covering every aspect of the music business! I’m just so excited for you; I couldn’t wait to tell you!” Hayley, the news editor and my best friend, ran over to me and embraced me in a hug.
“I can’t believe this, this is a dream come true,” my eyes began to flood with water, and salty tears began to stain my cheeks. “I owe it all to you guys,” I smiled. “If I didn’t have a reliable staff on my side this would have never been possible.” Hayley released her arms from around me and let her tiny, ink stained fingers join themselves with mine.
“Don’t be so modest,” she laughed. “You earned this all by yourself; we’re just here to be happy for you.”
“I even splurged with the budget and got you a cake,” Dr. Self stood next to the staff, smiling from ear to ear.
“He’s really proud of you,” Hayley whispered to me as she lightly tapped my side, causing me to giggle.
“I hate to interrupt this party, but I was told I could find a Cassidee Eversman in here,” a tall, middle-aged man in a Kirksville police officer’s uniform said as he made his way around the corner.
“I’m Cassidee Eversman,” I was confused. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I sure don’t do drugs, so what could I have done?
“I need to speak with you in private for a moment, could you step over here for me?” he pointed to a spot near the building door.
“What’s wrong, officer?” I asked, lowering my voice, trying to hide my fear.
“Your mother, Deborah, was in a car accident an hour ago, she had three other passengers with her at the time of impact, your father, Michael, your sister, Leah, and her husband, Corey,” he paused for a moment. “Your mother’s car was traveling on north bound 63 when she was rear ended by a drunken tractor trailer driver. All passengers were killed on impact.”
“W-w-what about C-c-Corbin?” I asked, tears began to fall from my eyes again, this time they were filled with anger and despair.
“He wasn’t in the car, he was with a baby sitter in St. Louis. Because you’re his godmother, you now have legal custody of him. The babysitter is going to keep him for the next three days, you can use that time to gather your things and come home.” He must have given speeches like this hundreds of times before, his face lacked even the slightest bit of remorse. “I’ll leave you alone now.” He turned away from me, leaving me to cry in privacy. I heard his heavy boots drag across the carpet as he walked away.
How could this have happened? It’s all my fault. If I wouldn’t have went to a school three hours from home they would have never been on their way here to visit me. It’s my fault they’re all dead. I killed them. My thoughts were screaming at me from the inside of my overwhelmed head as the room began to spin. You have to give it all up, the internship, your dreams, your life. You have to go home and take care of Corbin, he needs a loving caregiver. You can’t let him go into foster care, you just can’t. How would you live with yourself? What am I going to do? How am I going to grow old without my mother? This isn’t real, it’s just a dream and you’ll wake up soon enough. I pinched myself, hoping the pain would convince me this was reality. Okay, maybe it’s not a dream.
The room started to spin at an alarming rate as I began to realize I had stopped breathing. I leaned forward with all my body weight, pushing the doors open exposing the outside air. I was still holding a copy of the Index in my right hand; I slowly raised my left hand and placed it on top of the worn edges of the newspaper. You have to erase any evidence of your dream, you can’t have anything that reminds you of what could have been. My left hand pulled the paper down with force, ripping it into tiny pieces. The Kirksville wind carried the shreds to their final resting place atop the brick paver entrance to building 1107.
“I found her!” Hayley screamed as she made her way through the doors. Their weight seemed to be synonymous with the severity of the situation that was just thrust into my grasp only moments ago.
I felt her cold arms wrap themselves around my waist as her hands clutched the fabric of my t-shirt.
“I’m so sorry, so so so sorry,” she whispered. Sorry wasn’t going to change the fact that my entire family was wiped out because one idiot decided he had to drink and drive.
“I know,” I buried my face in her chest, my tears began fall again and slowly dampened the cotton dress that graced her body.
“It’ll be okay,” she said as she pulled me in tighter. “The worst part is having to leave your dreams behind, and I can see you already did that,” she lightly laughed as she eyed the remains of the Index on the ground below her.
“Your dry humor isn’t helping you know,” I was completely sobbing now, nothing could stop the tears from falling down my mascara stained face.
I released myself from Hayley’s grasp and fell to ground. I pulled my exposed knees in close to my chest and wrapped my shaking arms around them. She’s right, the worst part is going to be leaving it all behind. You had the internship, you had your chance, but that’s the past. As the summer sun began to hide behind grey clouds, a single tiny raindrop bounced off my knee, covering it in cold moisture. I need to pack my bags and go home. I need to be with Corbin, I need to be there for him, I need to love him unconditionally, just like his mother always had.
“The hardest part is letting go of your dreams,” I looked up at Hayley, she had tear stains in her eyes and she was clutching her golden brown curls between her fingers. “But I’m not letting go, I’m moving on,” I smiled at her. I had always been known to make the best out of every situation, and that’s exactly what I was going to do.