Who Knew.

I woke up around noon to an empty house. My mother left me a note on my nightstand explaining that she and dad went out with the Way’s for the afternoon but that the boys were at home. I was sitting up in bed, staring across my room at the old sheet of paper sitting on the floor where I had left it before heading to bed last night. Did I really—should I have read that? I mean, I don’t really know what else could be stopping me from being with Gerard, there’s no one else in the picture; there hasn’t been anyone else in the picture.

I heard my cell going off—Mikey.

are you awake sleeping beauty? Want to come play with the guys? .m.

I glanced at Pansy’s case and smiled—Gerard would be there; it’s now or never Iero, just show it to him and talk it out.

sre b ovr sn! xFx

I giggled to myself; he’s probably cussing me out for spelling like that again. I really hate it but I love his reaction; I think it makes you look incompetent if you spell like that. I put on the jeans I wore yesterday and changed my shirt. I wasn’t bothered about my hair; it was going to do whatever it was going to do today. I picked up Pansy and placed her case strap on my shoulder and headed downstairs—where I knew my shoes would be. It wasn’t until I had knocked on the door and Gerard answered the door that I realized I forgot his letter.

“Hey Frank, come in.”

He turned away and yelled for Mikey; I heard an obnoxious amount of noise as footsteps came up from the basement.

“Princess!”

He pulled me into a hug and pulled me downstairs where Ray and Bob greeted me with hellos. I pulled Mikey aside.

“Can I go talk to your brother really quick, play without me, I’ll be back.”

He just nodded and went over to the guys who started playing where I assume I interrupted them. They definitely needed some rhythm parts to that song to make it better. I headed back upstairs and listened for a sign of life—I heard the TV click on and the opening to some sitcom. I made my way and saw Gerard sprawled on the couch.

“Can I join you?”

He shot up and turned to the entranceway I was standing in and nodded. I sat next to him and stared at the people on the screen—it’s been forever since I’ve watched television, I didn’t know what this was.

“You want to say something, you wouldn’t have abandoned Pansy like that, spit it out.”

He hadn’t taken his eyes off the screen; he began to flip through the other channels. I took a deep breath and fidgeted with my hands again as I spoke.

“I read the letter you wrote me.”

“So that’s where it is.”

I grabbed the remote from his hand and turned the TV off. He still hadn’t looked at me.

“What is your problem? You open your heart to me like that last night and then you just walk off like that! You either purposefully or unintentionally left your suicide note in my room and I read it. I kissed you last night! I fucking kissed you! There hasn’t been anyone since you and I don’t think I could ever be with someone else because you scared the hell out of me—thinking that every time I date someone they’re going to leave me with death. How do you think I feel? You’re sitting in front of me, for the longest time I didn’t know if you were still alive; the moment I heard your voice yesterday I didn’t know what to do, what to say, what to even think! You just show up out of the blue, and then you just stare me down like that and then expect things to be all hunky-dory and why aren’t you saying anything?!”

He finally looked at me, speaking ever so softly.

“What do you want me to say Frankie?”

“Something—anything!”

“I’m sorry, I…”