Who Knew.

When I woke up it was dark, I had managed to sleep all day long. I started to move when I realized there were still arms around me.

“Hey you, you sleep good?”

I turned so I could face him properly and smiled. He looked wide awake—I hope he didn’t just lay there while I slept.

“Yes, did you? How long have you been awake?”

He smiled down at me kissed my forehead.

“I slept very well and I’ve been awake for a while. You looked so peaceful I didn’t want to disturb you, plus I like having you this close.”

I put my head over his heart and just listened; it was my favorite thing to do when we cuddled. It was so relaxing and it was fun because certain little things I did would make it go faster and he didn’t even know it. I let my mind wander through this past year, from that day Gerard came home till now—strange how things ended and began at the fair. He became one of my best friends again—Mikey’s still in the picture, we hang out a lot during the week.

We haven’t done anything sexual, just a few heated make-out sessions; I’m not really into that stuff. Call me a weenie, but it’s special to me and I’m still working on letting certain things go. I’m still worried I’m going to wake up one day with a phone call from Mikey telling me he’s found Gee dead in his bathroom or something. Something’s still off about him, I can tell that much. I feel horrible that I just keep watching his every move—not stalker like, just when I’m with him.

I’ve finally met his friends in New York, they’re great. I could tell why he likes them and I was grateful for them for picking up the pieces of his shattered soul when he left. I’ve told him—Gee—a few times how sorry I was for just walking away like I did. I didn’t even try to contact him; he told me to leave him alone—so I did.

“Frankie?”

“Yeah Gee?”

“You’ve been lost in thought for a while now; I’ve been trying to get your attention.”

I felt my cheeks flush as I apologized.

“Sorry.”

He pulled me to him and kissed the top of my head.

“I was just wondering if, well what are we doing—like where are we going with this?”

I removed myself from his arms and sat up; he doing the same. Questions flooded his mind—he was scared of the future, I could tell that much.

I took his hands in my own and looked him in the eye, reading everything he was allowing me to see. I saw how much he loved me, how much he was afraid I’d walk away from him if he screwed up, how my silence was making him anxious; I could go on about what I saw in his eyes while he waited for my response. I could only think of one thing to say to him—it was the only thing that ever crossed my mind when I thought about the future.

“You know how you watch those movies, those stupid teen romance ones or even some of the newer chick flicks—how, how it’s always a slap in the face for the main character to realize who they’re meant to be with? I’ve been slapped twice—both times I’ve realized that there is someone who I’d want to spend the rest of my life with, grow old with. We’ve been through so much as friends, as a couple, I don’t think there’s anyone else in this world that I’d rather spend my time with than you Gee—no one. I hope you know that I love you so much, so much.”

He smiled at me before leaning forward and capturing my lips with his own in one of the gentlest yet passionate kisses I’ve ever had. It was brief, but I felt everything. He sat back and kept a hold of my hands before he spoke to me.

“Frankie, I don’t even know the right words to use when it comes to telling you how I feel. You can tell me how much you love me all you want but I’ll never feel like I deserve it. We’re not perfect, I know that, but to me, you’re perfection embodied. You’re everything I wish I could be, everything I want—everything I need. Those three years were the loneliest of my life because you weren’t there by my side. I don’t want to feel that way again—ever. Frankie, I, I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, next year even, but I know I want you there with me. I want to be the last person you see each night and the first person you see every morning. I, I, I think I’ve always loved you, it just took me a while to figure that out. I screwed up but you gave me another chance and I realized that I’ll never feel for another person what I feel for you.”

I felt a tear slip down my cheek as he spoke those words to me. Words full of so much raw emotion, but so full of truth; he wiped my stray tear away and cupped my cheek as he smiled at me. I couldn’t help but smile in return as I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him. I’m not sure how long we stayed wrapped in each others arms, content in knowing that we had an unknown future together; but drifting off to sleep, he was the last thing to cross my mind. I knew in that moment, just being in his arms, that we’d be together forever and ever.