Therapy

There was this after party at the venue today because we'd stay a night longer, so every single member of each band and crew was getting ready.

"Don't you want to put on a little party dress?" Gabe asked into his bunk where I was currently sitting and watching him put on a button down. We had finished The Hangover earlier and then ate some home-made pasta.

I sighed, "I'm not going."

"Is it because of your and Alex's mystery talk earlier?"

"No,” I thought back to the park where I spilled my guts, “I just don't feel the party mood."

"What were you two running off to anyway?"

"I'm leaving," I said and made my way out of the medium sized bunk, not wanting to tell Gabe what had happened, "have fun Gabrielle."

Gabe caught me by the waste, "I hate when you call me that."

I giggled by his breath tickling my ear, "I know."

He let me go and I made my way out of their bus towards our bus to lie down and hopefully catch up on sleep. The All Time Low bus was unexpectedly quiet which meant that everyone had already left. I remembered Alex and Jack talking earlier, I bet they made up and went out to drink or something. They are best friends: nothing could get between them. Not even a nobody like myself. I entered the bus code and shut the door behind me.

"Kase?" I heard Alex's faint voice from the back of the bus.

"Why aren't you partying?" I questioned and walked towards the bunk area.

"Too much going on today," I found Alex in the back lounge under a blanket playing Call of Duty.

"May I join," I picked up the second controller.

Alex didn't answer, but just switched the game to multi players and that's how we wasted nearly two hours in complete silence.

"Okay, I can't take this, what's wrong Alex?"

"Iloveyou," he said really fast.

I choked, “Alex-“ I raised my eyebrows at him.

"I – I – can’t – I can’t explain – Kase -"

"Why?" I asked shocked, "What happened?"

Alex looked up at me, his chocolate brown eyes staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You are the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I know this is really fucking wrong but K, I can’t change it. I love you," Alex whispered.

His hands moved to cup my face and Alex inched closer.

"Alex, you’re just confused and –“ I couldn’t finish the sentence because his lips brushed mine and the sensation was back. I closed the last space between us and in a matter of seconds I was straddling my best friend and heatedly making out with him. Alex's hands found the hem of my shirt and made his way up. I let out an almost silent moan as his hips began moving against me and that's all it took for my hands to leave his hair and take off his shirt. Clothes were shed and Alex and I were having sex in the back lounge of the bus he was sharing with his band, including my ex boyfriend, who I was still madly in love with.

Cliché.

"I hate you," I growled as we lay on the back couch watching a movie.

In case anyone was to come back soon, Alex had put on boxers and a T-shirt and I was lying with him wearing a shirt and panties.

Alex kissed my neck, "I loved it."

"Only because we're sneaking around and having sex without my ex boyfriend knowing about it."

He chuckled: "Exactly."

"Alex," I inhaled deeply and turned to look at him, "I want to know something...about...like...why?"

Alex was silent; off in his world thinking, I knew not to push him because he understood what I meant and would answer eventually. "Probably because I know we both know that there's no strings attached between us because I'm okay with the fact that one day you will go back to Jack even though I love you. That’s why I got you, you know?"

I nodded and smiled, then turned back at the TV, thinking about his words.

"Kase," Alex said after a long silence, "I want to ask you something?"

I turned to face him, "Hmm?"

"Why...why do you throw up your food? I don't buy the entire cope-shit."

I went from confused to angry to being composed. I honestly didn't expect Alex to ask so soon, I was angry he did, but it was obvious he would ask sooner or later, right?

"Well," I began but stopped, "I don't know Alex, it's complicated."

"You can trust me you know?" He sighed, "All day I was just rummaging the idea of why you do that to yourself, I honestly don't believe you do it for a better image, you're too good for that. And the entire 'coping with Jack shit is bullshit. You coped with having revenge sex with me, remember?"

"I don't do it for the image," I almost whispered.

No one spoke for what seemed a long time, it was only the movie on TV that was still running and nobody was watching.

"It’s because of the guy who…you know?" I whispered, nearly too quiet to be picked up, but I felt Alex stiffen, a sign he was listening.

A tear rolled down my cheek.

"Yeah I know," Alex growled, but wiped away the tear on my cheek.

Then the bus door opened and I quietly moved to the other side with the blanket, making this look less suspicious. I wiped my tears and Alex gave me an apologetic look.

"We'll talk about it later," he whispered and I nodded.

"What are you guys doing?" Jack appeared at the lounge door.

Alex and I looked at each other.

I said, "Just talking." as Alex said, "Watching a movie."

I could tell Jack got really curious and gave that look as if he knew something was up.

"Shit," I heard Jack mumble right before he left.