Dear Blank

Jordan sat at a table at Moxie’s waiting for Sophie to get there. He was freaking out inside and he couldn’t sit still to save his life. His sweaty hands were on his knees which were bouncing up and down under the table. His eyes were glued to the door anxiously awaiting her arrival. She was supposed to have been there fifteen minutes ago, but he had been waiting for nearly forty five; he wanted to be there when she got there. He didn’t know what to expect, all he knew is that he couldn’t remember a time when he had been this nervous. He threw his head back, resting it against the wall behind him. This was still completely surreal to him. His eyes set on the door yet again and that’s when he saw her.

Jordan couldn’t tear his eyes off of her. She looked incredible. She was just absolutely glowing! He had heard that about pregnant women, but he’d never actually seen it. He watched as she glanced around the restaurant and then finally found him. She made her way over to him and pulled out the chair across from him.

“Hi.” She said as she sat down slowly.

“Hey.” He replied stupidly. “You look great!”

“Oh, thanks.” Sophie said with a blush. “Some days are better than others. She’s being nice to me today.” She finished with a laugh. Sophie could see it in Jordan’s eyes that he was scared shitless and it made her feel better about the decision she had come to. “I’ve been thinking about this.” She told him as she set her purse to the floor and rested her hand on her belly. “If you want to sign over your rights then we could..”

“I’m sorry…what??” Jordan asked, taken aback.

“Jordan I know that you don’t want any part of this. You made it perfectly clear when I told you about this.” She explained. Last night after Shawn had left and after her very brief conversation with Jordan, Sophie had decided that maybe it would be best if Jordan wasn’t in the picture. What kind of life would her daughter have if her dad came and went and wasn’t actually a part of her life? That’s not what she wanted her to grow up like. Sophie wanted her daughter to have the very best, and that meant having a dad that was there full time. Jordan didn’t want that…he had made it crystal clear.

“So you want me to just give her up?!” Jordan exclaimed. How could she possibly be asking him to do that? If this was in fact his kid then he was going to man up and be her dad.

“I’m just thinking of what’s best for my daughter.” Surprisingly those words stung him and Sophie could tell. “Jordan you left my apartment that day without looking back and I haven’t heard from you my whole pregnancy. “

“So you want to raise my child with your new fucking boyfriend?!” He exclaimed. He couldn’t fucking believe this right now.

“I..”

“If she is mine,” He began trying as hard as he could to keep his temper under control but he was quickly learning that when it came to Sophie, every emotion he had was out of his control. “Then I will be her father and that guy can fuck right off.”

“Jordan.” Sophie scolded. She was starting to get pissed off herself but she was trying to stay diplomatic. They were in public, after all. “I just don’t get you!” She exclaimed. “First she’s not yours, she’s everyone else’s but not yours. Now she’s yours and only yours. What the hell?! Is she yours or isn’t she?”

Jordan stared at Sophie for a moment. He didn’t know how to answer that. He was so unprepared for this that it was scary, but he felt deep down that this was actually his kid. To be completely honest, he almost wanted her to be his. After he had gotten off the phone with Sophie last night he laid there with a smile on his face thinking about what she was going to look like. He hoped that she looked like Sophie. “So which is it Jordan? Because I’m not doing this anymore. You can’t go acting like I’m some crazy psycho who’s trying to pin her baby on you and then freak out when I have someone who actually wants to be her dad. You can’t have it both ways.”

“That guy is not her father.” Jordan fumed.

“I didn’t say he was her father. You’re her father. But he actually wants her and she deserves to have that in her life. I’m not going to let her get attached to you if you’re just going to disappear.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Sophie.” He told her. “I want to be a part of this from now on. I want to go to doctor’s appointments. I want to be there when she’s born. We’ll do the test when she’s here, but as far as I’m concerned she’s mine.” Sophie couldn’t believe her ears. She leaned forward, pressing her face into her hands as tears began flowing from her eyes. This was exactly what she wanted to hear, she just was not expecting it at all. “Sophie.” Jordan cooed. He thought she would be happy hearing him say that. “Sophie, I..”

“Okay, well, I have an appointment next Wednesday at 2:30 the hospital.”

“Okay.”

“So I’ll just give you a call or something.” She told him as she stood up from the chair.

“You’re leaving?!” Jordan asked. “We haven’t even ordered anything to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Sophie, you’ve got to be hungry.”

“No. I’m not. There’s things that I have to do.” She said, trying to dismiss him.

“Okay well do you need a ride somewhere?” Jordan asked helplessly. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do in situations like this. He and Sophie weren’t involved with each other. Clearly she had a boyfriend so it really wasn’t his place to pry and ask where and what she was doing, but she was carrying his child. He had to have some right to know what she was up to, right?

“I drove.” She stated. “I have to go Jordan. I’ll call you.” She quickly got out before leaving Jordan at the table in complete shock.

Sophie got into her car and burst into tears. This pregnancy had turned her into an emotional wreck. She cried about a million times a day and over nothing at all. This whole situation had tested her immensely. Jordan abandoning her the way he had was tough, but thinking about raising their daughter on her own was the hardest thing she had ever had to come to terms with. Then, when Shawn had told her that he wanted to be there with them, things started to get better but she could never completely forget about Jordan. Now that he was apparently back in the picture she had to tell Shawn and that was going to be tough.

Shawn had grown to think of the baby as his own and Sophie had let him. She just so badly needed someone there with her to help that it was easy to let him do the things that Jordan should have been doing. He was actually really excited that her due date was nearing and he had even told Sophie that he wouldn’t mind it if the baby called him daddy. This was going to crush him and most likely it would be the end of them; for a while at least. Sophie knew that he was going to take it hard. Whenever Jordan’s name came up he bashed him endlessly. It was no secret that Shawn despised Jordan, and maybe he had every right to, but Sophie couldn’t just push him away and think badly of him. As much as she disliked what he had put her through, he was still going to be in her life forever. She had to find a way to get a long with him.
_____

“So…I saw Sophie today.” Jordan told Taylor like it was nothing. Taylor turned to face his friend who was still flicking the channels on their television.

“And..?” Taylor prompted when Jordan’s story seemed to end there.

“I’m going to her appointment next Wednesday.”

“You are?” Taylor asked. Jordan nodded in reply. “Did she ask you to go?”

“No. I want to go.” He told him. “Oh! We’re having a girl.” Jordan told him quickly as his whole face lit up upon remembering that he hadn’t yet told Taylor the news.

“A girl?!” Taylor shouted. He didn’t meant to yell…it just surprised him. When he found out about the baby yesterday he just kind of assumed that it would be a boy.

“Yah, man.”

“Wow.” Taylor muttered as he sat back on the couch staring up at the ceiling. He knew that Jordan would come around eventually. He was happy that it happened before the kid was born because he knew that Jordan would take it hard if he missed that. Jordan had always been the type of guy that was more in touch with his sensitive side. He had seen him tear up a few times in the past and always chirped him for it, but this would have ruined him. Jordan never would have forgiven himself if he missed that. “What the hell are you going to do with a girl, Ebs??” Taylor asked, baffled by the news.

Jordan laughed lightly, but there was a slightly shaky under tone laced in there. “I have no clue!” He confessed, and he really didn’t. This was going to be the next test he had to face. “At least with a boy I would kind of know what to do with it, but a girl? I don’t know Hallsy.” The both of them sat there thinking. Taylor had absolutely no words of advice to offer his friend. He had, luckily, never been in the position that Jordan was it. He had also never been around a baby in his entire life so he couldn’t really help out on that front either. He didn’t know the first thing about a baby.

“All I know, man, is that little girl better not ever bring a dude over here because once you’re done with him I’ll have my say too.” Jordan laughed at Taylor’s statement. “What?! You think I’m kidding? She’s gonna know it, too! Uncle Taylor is going to be tougher on her boyfriends than you. You’re a softy.” Jordan shook his head laughing. He was not a softy! He would make the ground rules known long before that became an issue.

“Fuck!” Jordan mumbled, raking his hand over his face. “I know exactly what guys think when it comes to girls.” Jordan exclaimed. “God dammit! Why did it have to be a girl??!” He threw his head back against the couch. He was stressed beyond belief, but now…now it was even worse.

“It’s punishment, Ebs.” Taylor stated as he patted him on the back. “You’ll figure it out.”