Nobody Prays for the Heartless.

I remember laying under the stars, our bodies intertwined into death grips where neither of us allowed the other to let go. We would sleep under the night until dawn where the bitter cold would bite at our frozen bodies. I would wake her up with a kiss on each eyelid and watch them slowly flutter awake like sleepy butterflies. Her blue pearls would stare at me until my heart sang a quiet song.
She would ask me how I slept, her still somehow-minty breath revealing itself in the motionless air. I would say I slept fine as long as she had, and she would give me a cheesy smile and kiss me. She tasted like mint, chocolate, and cherries.
We would watch the sunrise, still in our strong embrace, and listen to the birds rise and sing to the world. The sun always came out at the same time, in the same spot. The sunrise was still astonishing, no matter how many times we would watch it. After the sunrise would end, and the bright yellow orb was back into the sky for another day, and the birds had stopped chirping to get some food, we would stand up and walk back to my car.
I would peck her on her cheek, just the way she loved it, and I would start the car. I drove her through the town, picking a different path every time. She would smile and point out a cute little boutique she would like to visit one day, and I would secretly mark the stores in my head. I always took her back to one of the old stores on the weekend after I got paid and promised her I would buy her something.
She would refuse in her cute little voice and poke me until I swore I wouldn't buy anything for her. She always picked out something, saw the price, and put it back on the shiny rack. And I always saved my money and bought it for her when she was at work and gave it to her when I waited for her to get off.
My whole day would brighten up when I saw the joyous look on her face; her eyes shining like the ocean on a sunny day. Her cheeks would turn a rosy red color as she tried it on. I knew she appreciated the things I did because she would secretly slip money back into my wallet or pockets. I would pretend that I didn't notice and when she wasn't looking, I would stuff it in her frog piggy bank on her wooden dresser.
I would live for moments where she would sing to me in her melodic voice, or even if she was singing to herself subconsciously. When she sang, it would seem like the birds stopped singing their song just to listen in. She only sang to me, no one else.
She would constantly say that I was the only person she could feel comfortable with. I remember when she told me this, I would always kiss her on the cheek, where she would always smile.
I would be completely wrapped up in her. Her little habits became mine, her smell became familiar to not only me, but my household, and her cute smile was always stuck behind my eyelids. I would dream of her all the time. There was nothing that was going to stop us, and she made sure I knew.
But it turned out, we were wrong. Devastatingly wrong.
One night a few weeks after our first anniversary, I had realized we became more distant. I would call her constantly but she almost never picked up, and when she would call me back, I never got the chance to answer. We would often have an awful game of voice mail tag that went on for weeks. Work became a getaway, somewhere where I didn't have to worry about keeping up a relationship, somewhere that I wasn't in constant fear of losing her.
Which I became petrified thinking about.
She was my everything, my world. She was the air I breathed. The way her cute smile would brighten my day, and when I could write a song just based on her dimples. Her ocean eyes would kiss my heart, and her cheery laugh could pull me out of any depths of despair. Her hugs could warm me up in the middle of Antarctica, and her voice could out sing the best of the best songbirds.
The thought of possibly losing her, and not growing old together scared me into shaking and sweating. She was my anchor; Without her, I was going to float into the sunrise we watched. She was all I seemed to have in this world, but I was losing her. And fast.
A few more weeks would pass with more miss communication. I hadn't seen her in several endless days, and it would eat away at me with sharp, jagged teeth. Without her, I just felt empty like a forgotten teddy bear at the park. Lost with no owner, no one to love.
I remember being fed up with everything and marching over to her house in a love blinded fury. I was sick of not seeing her, and not holding her in days. Without her touch, I was nothing. I had felt like stone.
I marched right up to the front door and used my key copy to unlock the door. Her parents weren't home like usual, so I had gone upstairs and knocked on her bedroom door. There wasn't an answer, so I knew she wasn't home. I felt like garbage coming back down the wood stairs.
But when I had walked in the cozy living room again, I saw a familiar figure walking through the door. The look in her eyes made it clear she was completely shocked to see me. The curve of her frown and her ocean orbs looked like a deer in headlights.
I feared she was cheating on me, and clearly didn't expect me to visit.
But she had shut the door behind her quietly without a handsome man following in behind her, and set her work uniform on the love seat. I wanted to do nothing but run and embrace her, and kiss her all over until my lips bruised. I wanted to run my hands through her silky blonde hair and taste her chocolate covered cherry lips. I wanted to listen to her sing her familiar melody and watch her dimples appear as she smiled.
But instead, the look on her face had explained sorrow. She had looked into my eyes and gave a sad smile. This smile, had no dimples.
"Vic," she had said. "I didn't expect you here."
"I know," I say. "I couldn't stand being away from you. It's been forever."
Building up mounts of courage, I approached her and quickly went in to kiss her cheek. But as I had feared, she turned her head so I had awkwardly got her ear. I pulled back, astonished. I remember feeling my heart swell into an explosion of nausea.
"I don't think this can work..." She admitted after I had stared into her ocean orbs. They weren't the bright happy ones I was used to. They had changed to a dull shade. "It's- It's hard nowadays. It's just not possible."
My whole world had crashed when she had admitted those words. Everything we had gone through in those fifteen months had come to an abrupt halt. I had to cover my ears.
"Vic," Her melodic voice had said apologetically. I hadn't noticed at the time, but looking back, I was on my knees with my head in my hands. "I know you feel the same way."
I had been so confused. I knew we weren't working out at the time, which is why I had precisely gone over to make things right. She didn't see it that way though. I wish she had.
Maybe we still would be together.
I miss her, I really do.
I still find her things in my room and bathroom. Some things are surprisingly even in my parent's room. Last night I went to go take a shower and I found her favorite brand of shaving razors behind my shampoo. I stared at it the whole duration of my steaming shower.
This morning I had gone to go brush my teeth, and saw I ran out of toothpaste. I had opened the cabinet under the sink and found her Pantene Travel Shampoo awkwardly sitting there. It screamed of familiarity so badly that I ended up not reaching inside for the toothpaste. I had to go borrow my dad's, where I found a ring of hers sitting behind the rinsing cup. I was scared if I dared to pick up the sterling silver ring, it would bite and snap at me. I stayed staring at the ring for a while. Soon enough, tt had hissed "What if you can't forget her?" I stared at it and replied, "What's so good about picking up the pieces?". It then hissed back, "You don't want to." I ran out of the bathroom without the stupid mint toothpaste.
I can also find bobby pins and hair clips in random places like in between cushions on the couch, or in my closet. Her favorite pin was of a strawberry. The strawberry was bigger than the clip itself, but yet smaller than your index finger. She wore it all the time, but now it haunts under my bed with the dust balls and forgotten socks.
I still wonder why he truly had to break up. I miss her touch. She moved away months ago in pursuit of a job, so I haven't seen her since the break up. After the break up, I had convinced myself that I was over her and didn't need her in my life.
But I miss her dearly. My heart still beats for her deep eyes and her cute smile. Her chocolate cherry lips and silky hair. Maybe one day I'll get over her, maybe I wont. But until I find the courage to throw out all her belongings that still dwell my hungry house, I'll continue missing her.