Carpe Diem

Four years.

It’d been four years since that night, since I left, since..well..everything. Believe me when I say a lot had changed in those four years, I suggest you get comfy, this is going to take quite a while.
Well for starters I don’t live in England anymore, and if you’re thinking “you moved to New York?!” I didn’t, infact I moved to Lima, Ohio. Funnily enough Hayden and I, oh yeah that’s another thing, after I left New York Hayden and I stayed in contact and visited each other whenever it were possible over the years, I knew I couldn’t get rid of her that easily, not that I’d want to, ha-ha. Anyway though, as I was saying, funnily enough Hayden and I had unintentionally moved next door to the band “Hit The Lights” who happened to be one of her favourite bands, and gradually turned into one of mine.
As for Matt, since I left New York he’d really started to make an effort in coming to visit me, when I lived in England and after I’d moved to Lima. I couldn’t really refuse to go and see him, Lidia and the guys in New York though, so I did end up going back there a few times, but each time Hayden had to come with me and we’d only stay for two nights at a time, my heart sank every time I went back there, hence why I didn’t like to go there often, but I couldn’t not go at all as it wouldn’t be right and I’d feel unbelievably guilty. Lidia, Fred, Eddie and Mark had all made the effort to call Hayden and I regularly and occasionally visited us when Matt’d come, but as for Adam, well, I hadn’t spoke to him since that night. I often wondered how he was, what’d happened in those four years since I left but I couldn’t bring myself to call him, so whenever Matt’d visit I’d casually just slip “How’s Adam?” into the conversation, but apparently he was fine and had found himself a nice girl which he hadn’t messed about, which was great, and very unusual for him. As for me though, I guess I had changed in a sense, I mean it had been four years, a lot can change in that amount of time. Unfortunately for me though, I hadn’t grown an inch, and I was still the same back-talking kid I had been before, although I was forced to mature in a sense a little earlier than I planned to. I guess you’re wondering why, right? Well, I have a kid now. Yes, you read that right, I have a kid, his name’s Kade, Kade Matthew Rubano. Although I don’t regret him, he wasn’t planned believe me, that’s what one drunken night can do to you. The father’s not around though, it was literally a one night thing after Hit The Lights had come back off of tour and invited the bands that they had toured with around for one messy night. I wouldn’t want him around in all honesty, he’s a complete asshole, his name’s John, John O’ Callaghan. I know, shocking right? John O’ Callaghan as in the lead singer of The Maine. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Pat, Garrett, Jared and Kennedy, but John, John was another story. I could understand that he had tour commitments and everything, but as soon as he’d found out I was pregnant he cut off all contact, not that I’d expected anything else, but it still pissed me off. I didn’t need him though, Hayden had helped me out more than I could ever expect her too, as well as Collin, the lead singer of Hit The Lights, he and I became so close over time and he’d been there through everything, he’d become like a father figure to Kade and I couldn’t thank him enough. Matt had really bonded with Kade, he’d always bring him new toys every time he’d visit and had started telling him that he was “going to teach him bass when he was older so he’d be half as good as him” pretty funny really considering Kade was only three, but it was sweet all the same. Infact it wasn’t just Matt, everyone had taken a liking to Kade, Lidia, Fred, Eddie, Mark, not to mention the rest of Hit The Lights and The Maine, all except John, of course. Even though Kade wasn’t planned, I couldn’t imagine him not being around, I know he was my son and all, but he’d be able to bring a smile to the fact of practically anyone, it was quite a bizarre yet amazing thing. I often spent my days over the few years wondering about what would’ve happened if I had admitted my feelings to Adam, Would I have stayed? Would he have told me his feelings if I didn’t leave? Would we have been together? Maybe, but in all honesty I couldn’t have seen it happening as the only way I would’ve stayed would have been if that night hadn’t happened, but then again if it didn’t happen I’m sure Cindy would’ve still been in the picture and I wouldn’t have said anything, so I guess not, but the thoughts wouldn’t shake from my mind, not for years. As a matter of fact the only time I think those thoughts did disappear was when Kade was born, but they still managed to creep up once in a while. I guess having a kid at 22 really has made me change my perspective on things, but I’m still pretty much the same, I’ve gotten into the habit of playing pranks, especially on Hit The Lights, I have to say I’m pretty good at it, who said women with kids at quite a young age can’t have fun, eh? I often wondered if Adam knew about Kade, I don’t know why, I just did. I mean, how would that have even come up in conversation? He probably didn’t give a damn what’d happened to me since I left, let alone actually ask how I was, so I doubt he knew. I was so happy with the way things had turned out and how they continued to keep going well, I literally felt like nothing could go wrong, and there was nothing more I loved more than that feeling, but of course, things can’t stay perfect forever, and before I knew it I was faced with yet another complicated chapter in my life, washing away that “nothing could go wrong” feeling, lucky me.