Carpe Diem

I tried to zone out all of my emotions, more importantly my anger as Taking Back Sunday continued with their set, but it was easier said than done.

“I can’t stay here.” I said angrily as I turned to Hayden.

She sighed and shook her head. “Don’t let him get to you, you can’t let him win, Taylor.”

I sighed. She was right. But I couldn’t relax.

“Can we at least move back? Being this close to the stage is making me so tempted to just jump up and kill him.” I mumbled as I ran a hand through my hair.

“Are you okay?” Alex questioned as she rubbed my shoulder.

“I will be.” I chuckled, slinging my arm over her shoulder.

“Okay lets move further back.” Hayden agreed as we made our way through the crowds of people towards the back.

As we walked through the crowd though, I found myself getting lost in my angry thoughts once again, that was, until I felt my face collide with someone’s chest.

“Hello to you too!” Nick laughed.

“Sorry!” I chuckled. “I got a bit lost in my thoughts.”

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you for hours!” Alex yelled as she hit Nick across the arm.

Needless to say I was confused.

“Well I’m sorry! You could’ve just called, you know!” Nick exclaimed.

I guess Alex saw the confused expression playing across my face as well as Hayden’s.

“This is my idiot brother.” She laughed as she pushed Nick.

“Now I get it” I chuckled.

“You’ve made friends with my sister? I feel sorry for you.” Nick laughed.

Alex just flipped him off and began talking to Hayden.

“Is everything okay?” Nick questioned.

I sighed and nodded. “Everything’s a-okay.”

“I may not have known you even a day, but I know you’re lying. But if you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine. Although, would a hug make you feel better?” He asked as he outstretched his arms a little.

I chuckled in response and wrapped my arms around him as he did the same. I began to feel a little calmer straight away, I figured it was the sheer fact of Nick’s optimism managing to melt down my anger, although it didn’t make it disappear, as soon as Taking Back Sunday had finished their set I would be out for blood.

“Does this work?” He laughed.

“This works.” I chuckled.

The end of Taking Back Sunday’s set came sooner than I expected, unfortunately for me though, the all too familiar angry feeling arose once again as I sighed, breaking apart from Nick.

“I need to sort something out, I might catch you later?”

“If you’re lucky.” He winked playfully.

“Chyeah, riiight.” I scoffed, rolling my eyes playfully.

“I’ll come with you.” Hayden said as she grabbed my hand before I could object.

“Hey Alex? Put your number in my cell, we’ll catch up later.” I winked as I dug my phone out of my pocket and tossed it at her.

She laughed and saluted me, before typing her number in my cell. I glanced at the stage to see Taking Back Sunday running off of it. I needed to get it over and done with, or I’d end up taking my anger out on someone else, which is not what I wanted to do, Adam was going to get it all.

“Here you go!” She grinned as she tossed my cell back at me.

I winked in response. “I’ll catch you later!” I said as I pulled Hayden through the crowd and back towards the entrance to get back stage, where a security guard stood waiting. I hurriedly showed him the pass around my neck as he nodded and let Hayden and I through.

My heart began to face a little faster with each step I took, not knowing exactly where I was headed as it was the first time I’d been backstage that day, but considering after my search had proved unsuccessful and I couldn’t find them inside there was only one other way they could’ve gone I realised as I glanced at the set of stairs, leading down the side of the backstage area and into a vast space of grass behind the gate, not too far away from the buses. I ran down the stairs as Hayden followed in pursuit as we ran the short distance to catch up with them.

“Well done!” I exclaimed as I jumped on Matt’s back, catching him off guard.

“Holy shit, Taylor! You could’ve given me a heart attack!” He laughed.

“Where’s Lidia?” Fred questioned.

“She’s with Collin and the guys, why she’d want to spend time with those losers is beyond me” I joked as I jumped off of Matt’s back.

Matt, Hayden, Mark, Eddie and Fred all became wrapped up in a conversation whilst I glanced at Adam, noticing he was on his phone yet again, it was the perfect opportunity. I made my way around them from the back as they all continued walking forward. I grabbed Adam’s arm roughly.

“We need to talk.” I seethed as the others continued walking forward, not realising we’d stopped.

“What about?” He scoffed.

“You know damn well what about Adam, I never thought you could stoop so low.” I glared.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said, rolling his eyes.

“We both know you wrote that song about me, you couldn’t have been more obvious if you tried, you’re so pathetic.” I glared.

“Oh so you did catch on, then? I was hoping you would.” He smirked.

“I don’t know what I ever saw in you.” I spat.

“Oh so you admit you did see something?” He said smugly.

“Like I said, I don’t know what it was, because you’re fucking pathetic, you’re not worth anyone’s time” I said as I grabbed his arm tighter, causing him to wince.

“I’m pathetic? Take a look at yourself, Taylor.” He retorted.

“Is that all you can reply with? Taking half of what I’ve just said? How about getting some new insults” I seethed once more.

“You’re wasting time in my life that I’ll never get back.” He said as he rolled his eyes.

“Good, that means you’ll die quicker.” I spat.

“You’re so fucking full of it! You act like you’re all high and mighty when it comes to arguing with me, you’re really not.” He scoffed.

“Well I seem to be doing a better job than you, how anyone can believe that you’ve changed is beyond me!”

“I have changed, it’s just with you I haven’t, because I don’t feel the need to, you broke my heart Taylor, now you’re going to pay for it.”

“You’re threatening me because I “broke your heart?” Adam everything that comes out of your mouth is complete bullshit, you’re the most bi-polar person in existence. What about my heart, huh? You think that you didn‘t break mine?!” I screamed.

“How the fuck did I break yours?! I didn’t leave!”

“No you didn’t leave, but you put me through so much shit the only option I had was to leave, you wouldn’t have told me how you felt if it hadn’t have come down to it!”

“How do you know that?!”

“Well, would you?” I asked calmly.

He didn’t answer, he just stood there, silent.

“I rest my case.” I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair.

“You have no idea how difficult it was for me!”

“I could say the same thing about you! Everything you did Adam, every fucking thing caused me more and more pain. I was sick of it.” I said, letting go of his arm.

“And you think hearing all of your insults didn’t hurt me and everything else? I’m not like you, Taylor. Like I’d show you that it hurt.”

“No, you’re not like me, we’re nothing alike. For instance, I didn’t write a song about you.” I scoffed.

“I vented my feelings out, there’s no crime in that. Plus, no-one else knows it was about you.”

“Well I figured that out, no way in hell would they be up for playing it if they did. Unlike you Adam, they do care about me.”

“I did care about you.” He sighed.

“Yeah, you had a funny way of showing it.” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Do you know what? I don’t need this, stay away from me.” He spat.

“Gladly.” I replied as I walked away from him and towards the direction of the buses.

I ran a hand through my hair angrily as I picked up the pace, I really couldn’t stand him. He was the one person who never failed to get under my skin, and it didn’t impress me one bit. As I neared the buses I saw Hayden leaning against the side of Hit The Light’s bus, waiting for me. I couldn’t help but smile a little. I walked over to her quickly and wrapped my arms around her, not uttering a word.

“I really hate that boy.” She mumbled as she wrapped her arms around me tightly.

“You and me both.” I sighed.

She pulled back a little in order to look at me and placed her hands on my shoulders.

“Hey, we’re here to have a good time okay? He’s not worth your anger. Just forget that he even exists and party with me tonight, yeah?” She grinned.

“Party? We have no place for a party!” I laughed in amusement.

“We have a bus.” She winked.

“Looks like we’re having a party!” I exclaimed.

“I’ve already ran it past Collin and he’s up for it, as well as Nick, Omar, Nathan and David. Think of it as a start of tour party.” She smirked.

“That sounds perfect to me. Although, we’ll have to get someone to look after Kade, I can’t have him around all that.” I said, concerned.

“I’ve already taken care of it, I called Lidia to ask if she was up for a party and she said she’d take care of him on their bus as she’s not in the mood for a party tonight.” Hayden shrugged.

I owed Lidia big time.

I nodded in response as I made my way up the stairs of the bus, Hayden following in pursuit. We made our way towards the back of the bus and up the spiral staircase, to be met with the sight of the bus driver Craig, reading a story to Kade who was sat in his lap.

“Thanks for looking after him, Craig.” I grinned, walking over to them.

I’d met Craig quite a few times, as he was always Hit The Light’s designated driver so it wasn’t like he couldn’t be trusted, and he loved Kade, but lets be honest, everybody loved Kade.

“You’re more than welcome Taylor, anytime.” He smiled back as he lifted Kade up in order for me to grab him.

“Mommy!” He giggled as I sat down on the edge of his bunk with him in my arms as well as Hayden sitting down next to me.

“Hey kid.” I grinned as I kissed his cheek gently.

“Auntie Hayden!” He exclaimed as he grinned at Hayden.

“Hey buddy!” She laughed.

“Mommy I want to sleep.” Kade mumbled as he nuzzled his head into my neck.

“He’s going to be nocturnal.” Hayden chuckled as she ruffled his hair gently.

“Tell me about it.” I laughed as I stood up and led him down in his bunk gently, pulling the covers over him.

“Well at least he’s not going to be any trouble for Lidia. Not that he’s capable of being trouble.” Hayden laughed as she closed the curtain of the bunk gently.

I nodded in response as Craig offered to watch over him once more.

“Thanks Craig, I owe you.” I laughed, hugging him gently.

“I’m happy to do it, you don’t owe me anything.” He chuckled.

I grinned in response as Hayden and I said our goodbyes and proceeded down the spiral staircase once more to see that Collin, Omar, Nick, David and Nathan had returned, all sprawled out of the chairs.

“Where did you disappear to?!” Collin laughed as he sat up.

“I had to do something, nothing major.” I lied.

He rolled his eyes playfully in response as I flipped him off.

“So guys, party?” Hayden grinned.

“Yes!” They all yelled in unison, I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Who are we inviting?” Nathan asked as he pulled a mini pack of Oreos out of his pocket.

“Taking Back Sunday!” Omar yelled.

I laughed at his idiocity. “Of course, douchebag.” Collin chuckled.

“A Rocket To The Moon.” Hayden said, glancing at me.

“Oh and Alex and her band mates.” I chimed in.

“Who’s Alex?” David questioned.

“A girl we met today, she’s Nick Santino’s sister.” I replied.

“Right okay, well, our bus is going to get messy.” Collin grinned.

“Is there any other way to have a good party?” I joked.

“Not at all, lets get inviting!” Hayden exclaimed, pulling my arm and dragging me towards the front of the bus and down the steps.

“Have fun!” Nick yelled after us.

“This party’s going to be one to remember.” I laughed.

“Damn straight.” Hayden exclaimed once more, fist punching the air as we made our way towards Taking Back Sunday‘s bus.

Let the good times roll.