Carpe Diem

You’re such a band whore. those words kept replaying again and again in my mind as I sat in my bunk with Kade asleep in my arms. I sighed to myself, placing him down next to me gently and ran a hand through my hair, maybe he was right. I mean, okay sure I didn’t kiss Collin, but it was still a kiss none the less, and even if Adam and I didn’t date we still liked each other. I took a quick glance at Kade, not forgetting I have a kid with John O’ Callaghan. I groaned as I climbed out of the bunk and led on the floor and closed my eyes, feeling the bus move from beneath me. I felt terrible.

“Taylor? What’s wrong?” I heard a voice I recognised as Hayden’s said.

“I’m fine.” I mumbled into the carpet.

“Don’t lie to me, I know there’s something wrong.” She said as she sat next to me.

“Adam’s just getting to me, I guess.” I sighed as I opened my eyes, looking at her.

“Adam? Don’t make me laugh.” She chuckled.

“I’m being serious.” I said, sitting up.

She looked utterly confused.

“Taylor you never let anything Adam says bother you, what could he have possibly said to actually get to you?” She questioned.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Taylor!”

“It really doesn’t matter.” I insisted.

“Taylor for fuck sake, just tell me!”

I sighed. “He called me a band whore.”

“Seriously?”

I nodded in response.

“Taylor you’re not a band whore, you and I both know that, he only said it to hurt you, and it looks like it’s worked.” She sighed, pulling me into her arms.

“I can’t help but thing he’s right though, I mean what happened with Collin, and the fact my son’s father’s in a band, and the thing with Adam, and-”

“Taylor look, we both know the thing with Collin was a mistake so you can count that out right now, it doesn’t matter that Kade is John’s he could have technically been anyone, you didn’t sleep with him because he’s in a band, as for Adam, well that never even happened.” She reassured.

“I guess you’re right.” I sighed.

“You know I’m right, now stop worrying, we’re nearly at Jersey City and we’re going to have a great day, okay? Okay.” She laughed.

I chuckled in response and hugged her tighter.

I couldn’t help but feel angry at myself, I felt weak, weak that I’d actually let something Adam had said get to me. I’d never let anything get to me before, but I don’t know, I guess it bothered me as there was still a nagging feeling at the back of my head that made me believe he was right. I wasn’t going to show it was bothering me though, that was sure, if anything I was going to forget about it. Nothing Adam ever said was worth a second thought, and neither was that.

“Guys? Sorry to interrupt this precious moment of love but we’re here.” Collin chuckled from the top of the staircase.

I laughed and broke away from Hayden who quickly stood up, outstretching a hand for me to take, which I gladly accepted. I made my way across the floor and over to the spiral staircase, taking the steps two by two with Hayden following behind me. I was met with the sight of only Nathan on the bus, rummaging through the cupboards, only looking for one thing. I chuckled to myself.

“What are you laughing at?” He whined, his head popping out from behind the cupboard door.

“You, and the fact you’re not obese yet.” I grinned.

He flipped me off and went back looking through the cupboard for something decent that he could devour next.

I turned my head to the front of the bus quickly as I heard footsteps running up the few steps as Alex came into view.

“Okay it’s official, I’ve come to the conclusion that everywhere we go is going to look pretty much the same as the previous place!” She exclaimed.

I raised an eyebrow as she ran towards me quickly and pulled me to the door. I glanced around and laughed as I could see what she meant. Except for a few minor differences with the staging arrangements from what I could see everything looked the same as it did in Newark.

“See?!”

“I see.” I chuckled as I rolled my eyes playfully, earning a slap across the arm in response.

“Come on!” She exclaimed once more as she pulled me off the bus and in the direction of where the gate was located.

“Why are you in such a rush?!” I said as she continued to pull me along.

“I’m late!” She whined.

“Late? For what?”

“You’ll see!” She grinned as she climbed over the gate, ushering for me to follow after her.

“Why are we climbing over?!” I questioned, grabbing onto the gate and climbing up then over it.

“We haven’t got the keys to just unlock it yet, so therefore we’re improvising” She smirked as she helped me down before pulling me along yet again.

“Can you please tell me why my legs are doing all this unnecessary walking?” I groaned.

“Nearly there!” She said as she pulled me in the direction of a near by tent.

I laughed to myself as she pulled me in the tent, to be met with the sight of Logan and Jake sat opposite each other with streams of paper in front and around them, as well as numerous pens scattered everywhere.

“We’re song writing!” Logan laughed as he crumpled up a ball of paper in his hands and tossed it to the side of him.

“Unsuccessful song writing, and we need some inspiration and help, whichever works.” Alex shrugged as she sat down.

“Where do I come into this?” I asked utterly confused, moving around and sitting down so I was directly opposite Alex.

“This diamond shape is inspiring already.” Jake joked as he picked up another piece of paper.

“We’ve got two verses and half a chorus, we’re literally blocked for ideas.” Alex sighed.

“Here’s what we’ve got so far.” Jake said as he began to sing.

“If this is what you think is honest
Honestly, I think I'm gonna freak out
This isn't where I wanna be, wanna be
I think I'll let myself out
Show me the door, oh
'Cause I'm leaving the way I came in
With the mess I made
Tonight will be the one to set it off

We had our lights on the town
Your eyes were smiling then
You left me hanging around with all your wack friends
You don't take me serious
Boy, you make me furious
Guaranteed, we'll disagree

I found out finding out isn't the worst part
Don't believe it's just me…”

“Wow Jake, impressive set of lungs.” I said playfully.

He grinned and rolled his eyes. “Thanks, I usually sing back up.”

I sat there as the lyrics I’d just heard replayed in my head. I tapped my hand against my knee in concentration as inspiration suddenly hit me.

“I’ve got it! How about “And I've found out, Do you really even have a clue?
You're not quite Satan, but I really think I hate you?” I said as I glanced at the three of them in turn.

A grin spread across Alex’s face as she jumped up and jumped on top of me.

“Perfect!” She exclaimed.

“You’re helping us write this song.” Jake laughed as he tossed a pen and a few sheets of paper in my direction.

I laughed as Alex climbed off me and grabbed another piece of paper and pen for herself.
I didn’t know where it’d come from, but I’d suddenly felt inspired. I guess it was just all of my emotions building up, but believe me when I say I’d never felt such a great way to express how I was feeling, and through a song of all things. I didn’t know how much time had passed, all I knew was that we were getting somewhere with their song, and I don’t know, it felt great to be a part of something.

“Yes! We’ve done it! Well, nearly!” Alex exclaimed as she high-fived Logan, Jake and I in turn.

“You are a natural at song writing, Taylor!” Logan grinned as he high-fived me.

“Why thank you! I didn’t think it’d be so much fun” I chuckled as I pushed my hair out of my eyes.

“Okay so the last bit, we’ve said “do you really even have a clue” and it’s the ending chorus, the main impact, how can we make it just that little bit better?” Alex asked, glancing at me.

“Do you even fucking have a clue?” I shrugged jokingly.

She winked at me in response and scribbled it down quickly.

“I was joking!” I laughed.

“Yes, but it works.” Jake winked.

We were interrupted by Nick walking into the tent, laughing.

“Well what’s going on here?” Nick asked as he picked up a paper ball and chucked it Alex’s head.

“Fuck off Nicholas, you’re so annoying.” Alex joked as she got up and playfully hit her brother.

“Yeah, yeah!” He chuckled.

“If you must know, we’ve just wrote a new song, with the help of Taylor.” Alex grinned as she pointed at me.

“Is there anything you can’t do?” He joked.

“You’d be surprised.” I chuckled.

“I came to tell you that we’ve been mixed up today, as in Hit The Lights are on first, then Taking Back Sunday, then us.”

“How considerate of you” Alex said as she rolled her eyes playfully.

“Next time I won’t tell you and you’ll miss Hit The Lights who-” He said as he was cut off by the loud sound of cheering in the distance. “should be about to play right now.” He smirked as we all stood up quickly.

Alex, Logan and Jake piled out of the tent and started to run in the direction of where the stage was located.

“So, songwriter huh?” Nick grinned as we made our way out of the tent and in the same direction.

“Oh, you have no fucking clue.” I smirked playfully as I pulled him through the crowd.