Carpe Diem

It was definitely safe to say that the acoustic set was a complete and utter success. The fans loved it, and so did we, infact, Collin’s voice hadn’t sounded so strong before. It was strange, it was like Collin losing his voice was leading to bigger and better things, as I’d soon see for myself.
I felt so content with everything at that moment, it was one of those feelings where you felt that nothing could go wrong, you know? I’m sure you’ve all experienced it, you often jinx yourself though when you say that, but I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t believe how well everything was going, how I’d never imagined myself singing on a stage yet it happened, how I truly had the best people in my life and how the tour had made everything ten times better, also how by the end of it everything would change yet again, starting with my exit from the crowd after Taking Back Sunday’s performance that evening.
I was too busy replying to a text to pay any attention to which direction my feet were taking me in, better yet, who I’d walk into.

“Sorry!” I laughed, glancing up from my cell to be met with the sight of a girl who was at least three inches taller than me with long blonde hair and captivating green eyes, dressed in a “Rolling Stones” tank and a pair of shorts with Red Chuck Taylor high-tops.

“It’s okay!” She replied as I nodded, about to make her way past her as she grabbed my arm gently.

“I’m Charlie, you’re Matt’s cousin, right?” She grinned.

“I‘m Taylor.” I said hesitantly, utterly confused about who she was and how she knew about me.

“I’ve heard a lot about you.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You have?”

“Of course, whenever I spend time with Taking Back Sunday all together one of them never fails to mention you.” She smiled, pushing her hair out of her eyes.

I guess she spotted the confused expression playing across my face before she elaborated.

“I’m Adam’s girlfriend.” She laughed, sticking her hand out for me to shake.

I nodded my head and shook her hand. I guessed she didn’t seem so bad, at least she didn’t give off the Cindy impression, but I wasn’t quick to assume things, not anymore.

“It’s nice to meet you.” I smiled.

I mean, I wasn’t going to be rude or anything, she hadn’t done anything wrong to me, but I knew better than to throw myself in at the deep end with people.

“It’s nice to meet you, too! So you’ve been filling in for Hit The Light’s singer? Adam told me how great you were, it’s a shame I’m only joining the tour today, I wish I’d seen it.” She smiled.

“He did?” I questioned.

She nodded before she spoke again. “He said it was a good thing you were doing, stepping in like that, I don’t suppose it was easy.”

“Not at all.” I laughed, feeling a little at ease, but confused all the same.

Adam could say these things to someone else, but not to me, it really made no sense. Before I could respond though, Adam made his way over to us. He pressed his lips against Charlie’s cheek before glancing over at me.

“I see you two have met.” He said coolly, trying to sound nice. I could see right through it, though.

“Yeah, I heard you liked my singing over the last few days.” I said, I could feel a smirk trying to form on my lips but I tried to hide it, for Charlie’s sake as I was sure she had no idea about anything.
He rolled his eyes just before Charlie glanced up at him.

“You didn’t tell her? Why?” She questioned.

“Yeah, why, Adam?” I smirked, knowing her eyes weren’t on me.

“Because every time I went to, she was too busy with her boyfriend.” He smirked as she glanced at me, knowing full well she couldn’t see.

“I don’t have a boyfriend, he’s just confused clearly.” I laughed casually.

“Oh don’t be so modest, we’re all friends here.”

“Well you already know he thinks you have a great voice, even if he didn’t say it himself.” Charlie grinned, playfully hitting Adam.

I began to feel slightly awkward stood there, especially knowing that Charlie knew nothing mine and Adam’s history, not that I was going to tell her anything, it was just really weird to see.

“I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it, I’m going to go and find my best friend. I’ll see you around Charlie.” I smiled as I made my way past them quickly. I think it was safe to say I’d never felt so awkward in my life. I couldn’t help but smirk to myself as I made my way through the crowd at the fact that Adam had actually complimented me, maybe not to my face, but he still did, and that was enough for me to hold over him.

“Adam’s girlfriend’s here?! She’s nothing like Cindy is she?!” Hayden exclaimed as she began pacing around Hit The Light’s empty acoustic tent.

I was currently sat on the floor writing down random lyrics in a notebook someone had left in the tent, I don’t know why, I’d just suddenly felt inspired, plus it distracted me from Hayden’s irritating pacing across the tent.

“Everybody sing a little bit louder, we run this town tonight.” I mumbled under my breath as my eyes flickered over what I’d just scribbled down.

“What?” She questioned, standing still for a moment.

I shrugged. “Sorry. But no, she’s nothing like Cindy. Well, apparently.”

“Looks can be deceiving though, Taylor! I mean look what she put-” I glared at her before she finished, I didn’t want to be reminded of all the torment that Cindy had caused me over the last couple of weeks in New York.

She bit her lip before shaking her head. “I’m just worried she’s going to be the same, we can’t be dealing with that, not when everything’s going so well!”

I sighed and closed the notebook, placing it down by my side. “I’m sure we have nothing to worry about, I mean everyone’s said that she’s lovely and I don’t think Adam would make the same mistake twice, after everything that happened last time.”

She raised an eyebrow, looking at me sceptically. “You think? I mean, what if he’s dating another bitch just to put you through hell again? We can’t let that happen, I-”

I stood up and laughed, walking over to her and placing each hand on her shoulders. “Hayden we’re not going to be best friends, I’m going to watch my back, but we should give her a chance, she doesn’t know anything that’s happened, so it’s not like she’s out to get me from the get go, you know?”

She contemplated for a minute before sighing and nodding her head. “I guess you’re right.”

I rolled my eyes playfully, spinning on my heel and walking back over to where I was previously sat, sitting down.

“I need some air or I’m going to go crazy, I’ll be back soon.” She sighed as she ran a hand through her hair before exiting the tent.

I sighed and mimicked her actions, I know she was looking out for me and believe me I was just as hesitant about Charlie, but she was forgetting that it was me who it’d happened to not her, but I knew I couldn’t just jump to the conclusion that she was out to get me like Cindy was. For instance, Cindy hadn’t bothered making an effort before she began getting on my case, I knew better than to trust people easily, that situation had just made it clearer, but as I’d said, I owed her a chance at least. Of course I wasn’t going to be best friends with her as that’d be insanely awkward and quite creepy “Oh hey Charlie lets be best friends even though your boyfriend and I have a complicated history and he told me he loved me, I hope that’s okay” yeah, right.

“Hey kid! Why the fuck are you by yourself?” Alex chuckled as she walked into the tent, followed by Logan and Jake.

I laughed and pushed my hair out of my face. “Hayden was here too, I seriously look like I have no friends.”

“You’ve got that right!” She joked as she walked around me, sitting down by my side. She glanced at me before picking up the notebook. “What’s this?” She questioned, flipping it open.

“Some notebook that a fan left here” I shrugged, not wanting to mention anything about the lyrics, hoping she wouldn’t see. Of course, I spoke too soon.

“Holy shit! Who wrote these?!” She exclaimed, ushering Logan and Jake over who walked over quickly and got on their knees, peering over the notebook.

“I did.” I mumbled as I bit my lip, avoiding eye contact.

“Taylor these would work perfectly for a song! What the fuck were you thinking not saying anything?” She chuckled, hitting me across the head.

I laughed and glanced at her. “Well I mean it’s not like I’m a songwriter, or in a band for the matter so I have no use for them, you can use them if you want, though.” I smiled.

Alex glanced at Logan and then Jake who nodded, before looking at me intently.

“What if you were though?” She questioned.

I raised an eyebrow. “What if I was, what?”

“In a band.” She said as she looked from Logan to Jake once more, then back to me. “With us.”

“Seriously?” I questioned, looking between them for any hint of a joke.

Alex nodded before she spoke once more. “We’re serious, we need a singer, you’re great at writing lyrics and you have the perfect voice for our band, we feel that we could go places with you on our side” She said seriously.

I bit my lip and contemplated. Being on stage brought an indescribable feeling, a feeling that I’d grown to love even though I’d only performed twice under other circumstances. But I felt the need not to rush into anything, I had to give it some serious thought, I couldn’t afford to make any mistakes, especially if singing wasn’t for me. I mean, don’t get me wrong I enjoyed singing although I never believed that I’d had any talent or that I’d ever consider doing anything with music, but like I said, I needed to give it some serious consideration, but jumping into the deep end sometimes proved successful, and I was going to keep that in mind.

“I’ll have to consider it, I need some time to just think, you know?” I said, hoping they’d understand.

Alex nodded and grinned. “That’s fine, we didn’t expect you to just jump into it, it’s a big step.”

I grinned and hugged them each in turn, the fact that they’d asked me to be a part of it was enough, regardless of if I was going to do it or not. As you’ve probably realised, I was the type of person who liked to think things through properly before jumping into anything, it was good in some ways but not in others, because I suppose if I was hesitant about everything I’d miss out on things that I could possibly regret later.

“Taylor, you seriously have to consider this.” Hayden said seriously as we sat opposite each other upstairs in Hit The Light’s deserted tour bus. I felt bad, but I decided to skip their set just for that show, it made me feel even worse that Hayden had done it too, but I really needed to talk to someone about it, and as soon as possible, so who better than my best friend.

“I am considering it believe me, but what if it’s the wrong decision, you know?”

She nodded. “I know, but what if it isn’t? you can’t go through the rest of your life “if’ing” and but’ing” you know that better than anyone.”

I sighed and bit my lip, I knew where she was coming from, but it was a lot to take in and consider regardless.

“Taylor, you could really do something with this. Alex, Logan and Jake aren’t one of those “lets do it for fun” bands, well they are, but they want to go places, and they want you to go with them.”

“I want to, believe me, but it’s just the thought of if it doesn’t work, or if something goes wrong, or-”

“Taylor you find these things out every day of your life, things don’t work out sometimes, and things do go wrong, but you never know until you try.”

“You’re right, but I’m still not ready to come to a decision yet, I’m taking time to consider both the positive and the negatives.” I said as I began to tap my fingers against my knee.

She nodded once again and placed her hand on my shoulder. “This is your future, Taylor. Consider it by all means, but think of how far you could go if you push yourself.”

Before I could get in another word though, numerous amounts of footsteps could be heard running up the spiral staircase at once.

“So this is where you’ve been hiding for the last hour!” Collin laughed as he walked towards us, followed by Nathan, David, Omar and Nick.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. “An hour?”

He laughed and sat down next to me before speaking once again. “Yep an hour, you missed us and A Rocket To The Moon.”

I looked at Hayden and bit my lip. Shit. We’d completely lost track of time.

“I’m sorry!” I exclaimed as I hugged him before running up and hugging them all individually. I felt awful.

“It’s fine, plus it must have been important, you never miss your boys play.” Omar chuckled as he ruffled my hair.

I glanced at Hayden quickly as if to say don’t mention anything as she nodded subtly.

“Yeah, both of your boys.” David smirked.

I raised an eyebrow and laughed. “Both of my boys? Dude, you’re only one set of boys.”

“Oh my bad, your boys and boy.” He smirked.

I narrowed my eyes and flipped him off. “Don’t you even thinking about starting, I get enough of it from her!” I whined, pointing to Hayden.

He shrugged and winked as I hit him across the head playfully.

“What’s this, Taylor? Something you want to share with us about your boy?” Collin grinned.

I rolled my eyes and stuck my middle finger up at all of them. “I’m leaving!” I huffed playfully as I ran across the top of the stairs and down the staircase quickly.

I made my way through the bus and towards the front of it, running down the stairs and sitting on the last one. I chuckled to myself and bit my lip as I began to drum my fingers against my knee once more, getting lost in my thoughts of consideration.

“How dare you miss our set!” Nick exclaimed playfully as he walked over to me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Sorry, I lost track of time.” I chuckled as I continued to tap my fingers against my knee.

“Something bothering you?” He questioned as he sat next to me.

“Something…” I said, trailing off.

“It’s the whole you contemplating whether to join the band thing, right?” He asked, glancing at me.

I furrowed my eyebrows but he cut me off before I had a chance to speak. “Alex already spoke to me about it.” He chuckled.

I nodded in response as I let out a sigh.

“Are you going to do it?”

“I’m considering it, I’m not entirely sure yet, I-”

“You should do it.” He stated. “It’s where you belong.”

“What? On stage?” I chuckled.

“Yes, Taylor. You belong on stage.” He said as he looked at me intently. “You want this.”

“I do, but-”

“No buts, if you contemplate for the rest of your life, you’re going to get no-where. You’ve got to seize the day, Taylor. As well as every opportunity that could benefit you that comes along.”

“How would it benefit me, though?”

He chuckled as shook his head. “You’re so clueless. The stage is where your heart lies, you proved that whilst you were filling in for Collin, you need that feeling, that adrenaline rush, that feeling that you never want it to end, you need it.” He said seriously.

I nodded as I took in what he was saying. Hayden and Nick were both pretty much saying the same thing which clearly wasn’t a coincidence, they both believed that I should do it, regardless of what I thought.

“You only get one shot at this, Taylor. One chance, make the most of it.” He said as he pushed the hair out of my face before getting up and walking away.

I sighed as I watched him leave. I hated when I really had no idea what to think, it was like head vs. heart, who would win? It was only a matter of time until I’d find out.

Adam’s POV.

“So, have you heard?” Matt questioned as he sat down next to me, making himself comfy.

“Have I heard what?” I replied, raising an eyebrow before quickly glancing over at Charlie who was too busy conversing with Lidia to notice.

“About Taylor?”

I sighed and turned my attention to Matt. “Is it really necessary to bring her up?” I said rather harshly, immediately regretting my tone has he held his hands up in defence.

“You really need to chill, Adam. Whenever her name’s mentioned you just snap. You and I both know there’s more to it than you’re letting on, more so than you’ve let on over the last few years.”

I leaned back casually, taking my cell out of my pocket and glanced at it quickly before responding. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I lied as I shoved my cell back in my pocket before turning to meet his hard stare.

“Whatever you say.” He scoffed before speaking again. “As I was saying, Taylor’s been asked to join Alex, Jake and Logan’s band.”

“And you’re telling me this why?”

“Adam!” Matt snapped.

I bit my lip before sighing once more. “Sorry. Is…uh…is she going to do it?” I questioned, genuinely wanting to know.

He shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe, if she decides to take a risk for once in her life.”

“I think she should do it.” I blurted out, mentally cursing myself as I hadn’t meant to say it out loud, more so that after I had Matt raising an eyebrow at me, indicating for me to validate my reason why.

“Well I may not like her, but I’d be plain stupid if I said she didn’t have a good voice.” I said coolly, running a hand through my hair. He nodded, accepting my answer as we fell into a short silence.

“Why?” He asked, looking at me intently.

“Why what?” I sighed irritably.

“Why don’t you like her? She only gives as good as she gets what it comes to you, it’s not exactly a valid reason for you to be the way you are towards her, I’m not even just saying this because she’s my cousin, but seriously Adam.” He sighed as he narrowed his eyes at me.

“I just don’t like her, never have, never will.”

“If she’d done something to you then maybe I’d understand as you’d have a reason, but the sheer fact you’re such an ass to her all the time is fucked up.”

“I do have a reason!” I exclaimed a little too loudly as I looked over at Lidia and Charlie who’s eyes were fixated on me.

“Sorry. Carry on.” I mumbled as they went back to their conversation.

“What reason is that? After all, don’t forget what your bitch of an ex girlfriend put her through, making her leave New York.” He glared.

I sighed and began to drum my fingers on my knee, he really had no idea. Matt still had no idea as to why Taylor really left, I had actually kept my promise and not uttered a word, much to my own dismay.

“Do you honestly think I don’t know that? Do you not think that I think about everything that happened?”

“Well, do you?”

“Everyday.” I stated as I continued to drum my fingers against my knee.

“If you felt any guilt whatsoever you wouldn’t act the way you do.”

“Have you ever stopped to consider my feelings in all of this?!” I questioned, raising my voice slightly.

“What is there to consider?!” He exclaimed.

“Maybe the fact that she broke…something.” I mumbled.

“So you’re saying you’re acting like a complete dick because she broke an inanimate object of some sort that belongs to you and you can’t forgive her for it?” He asked in disbelief. “Fuck, you have issues.”

I rolled my eyes at his idiocity. “Not inanimate.” I said bluntly as he stared at me, not saying a word as he tried to process what I’d just said. I began to move uncomfortably under his gaze as his eyes suddenly widened.

“Adam what the fu-”

“What’s going on?” Charlie questioned as I snapped my head in her direction.

“Nothing’s going on.” I mumbled as I stood up.

“Adam-” Matt began as I looked down at him before shaking my head. He sighed in defeat knowing our conversation wasn’t going to go any further at that moment. I ran a hand through my hair once more, ignoring the questioning calls from Charlie and Lidia from behind me as I walked the short distance to the front of the bus before running down the few steps quickly. I stopped as my feet hit the grass and rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly. I couldn’t believe I’d been so stupid as to pretty much blurt out that Taylor had broken my heart, more so for her to even do that that I had feelings for her in the first place.

“Stupid.” I mumbled to myself as I began to walk in a random direction, feeling the need to clear my head before I revealed anything more.