Carpe Diem

I tossed and turned for the majority of the night, I couldn’t relax no matter how hard I tried.
I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair before pulling back the curtain of my bunk and climbing out of it as quietly as I could. I glanced around the semi lit area, the sound of Colin’s out of control snoring overruling any other sounds there could possibly be, how we all managed to sleep through it was beyond me. I bent down and pulled the curtain of Kade’s bunk open gently, a smile creeping up on my lips as I watched his small frame sleep peacefully towards the far end of the bunk. I climbed in quietly and shut the curtain behind me, careful not to wake him. I felt guilty beyond belief for not seeing his as much as I previous was before the whole ‘band thing’ started, he didn’t mind but that wasn’t the point, I didn’t doubt for one second that he wasn’t in good hands, but it just wasn’t the same.
I ran a hand through his hair gently as he stirred a little before extending his small fists out and grabbing onto my over-sized Rolling Stones shirt before pulling me closer and cuddling into my side. I smiled once more as I held onto him before closing my eyes as my breathing began to steady.

“Mommy?” Kade questioned as he began to shake me gently.

“What is it baby?” I mumbled as I began to rub my eyes.

“Can we go for a walk?” He asked as he looked up at me innocently.

I glanced down at him as I pulled my cell from my shorts pocket and glanced at the screen.

“Kid it’s seven in the morning.” I chuckled as he stuck out his bottom lip, knowing that it was a done deal if he did, regardless of the time, I’d taught him good.

“You mean me walk and you fall right back asleep in my arms right?” I questioned as he nodded before grinning in response.

“Fine, fine.” I caved as he smiled in triumph before squeezing me. “Just let me get changed quickly kid.” I said as I kissed his head before getting out of his bunk slowly and creeping over to my suitcase. I decided I couldn’t be bothered to change properly as no-one would see me considering it was only seven in the morning. I threw on a pair of sweatpants over my shorts and a blue american apparel hoodie over my shirt before zipping it up quickly before leaning over and reaching over to Kade’s suitcase before grabbing one of his hoodies and making my way back over to his bunk.

“What’s that noise?” He asked, referring to Colin’s beastly snoring.

“That kid, is your uncle’s out of control snoring, it’s surprising you can sleep through it.” I laughed as I put his hoodie on him before picking him up gently and wrapping my arms around him as he wrapped his tiny arms around my neck.

“We have to be really quiet kid, otherwise Colin might eat us.” I joked as he giggled quietly before nodding and pressing one of his small fingers to his lips. I crept out of the bunk area quietly with Kade in my arms before walking down the spiral staircase just as quiet, careful to miss the occasional stair that creaked. I breathed a sigh of relief as I made my way through the front of the bus and pushed the handle on the front door down before stepping outside and closing it behind me.

“We did it!” Kade exclaimed as he fist-pumped the air with one of his tiny fists.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Colin.” I said playfully as fist-pumping was second nature to Colin. I glanced around the extremely quiet bus area and sighed to myself.

“I can’t believe you wanted to go for a walk now whilst there is no sign of life out here besides us, you know when to pick your moments don’t you kid.” I chuckled as I ran a hand through his hair before he swatted it away with a grin.

“Actually, there is another sign of life.” I heard from behind me, causing me to automatically jump.

“Jesus christ!” I exclaimed as I spun around, “You’re such an ass.” I glared as I held onto Kade more securely.

Adam simply shrugged in response before glancing between Kade and I. I coughed awkwardly as I avoided his gaze.

“So what brings you out here at this time?” He questioned.

“We’re going for a walk!” Kade exclaimed happily as he wrapped his arms around my neck once more before speaking again, “Come along?”

I glanced at Kade who was looking at Adam intently, waiting for his answer as a lump rose in my throat.

“I don’t think-”

“Sure kid.” Adam cut in as he smiled at Kade who extended his hand out to Adam who took his small hand in his own.

“Kade.”

“Adam.” Adam chuckled.

I don’t think I can describe how awkward I felt.

“I-uh I guess we should get going.” I mumbled as I began to walk with Kade as Adam fell in line next to me.

Unfortunately for me Kade fell to sleep within the first five minutes of the walk.

“Nice look.” Adam smirked as he glanced at me.

I felt my cheeks heat up as I began to feel very self conscious.

“Fuck you,” I scoffed as I ran a hand through my hair, “Why are you even awake this early anyway? Better yet, why in gods name did you agree to come on this walk? I mean, considering you hate me I’d assume you wouldn’t bother giving Kade the time of day either.”

It was silent for a moment before Adam spoke, “I don’t hate you.”

“Oh really? Because normally you can’t express it enough.” I scoffed once more.

“You should know me well enough by now, I say a lot of things, a lot of things I don’t necessarily mean.” He stated simply.

“Then why say them in the first place?” I said bluntly, not particularly bothered if I received an answer or not as we kept walking.

He sighed from beside me as he stopped walking. I spun around to face him, raising an eyebrow sceptically, “Why are you stopping?”

“I, uh..I apologise.” He mumbled.

“Come again?”

“I apologise.”

“You’re sorry?” I said in disbelief before regaining my composure, “Words can only mean so much, Adam.”

“Don’t you think I know that Taylor?” He exclaimed as I narrowed my eyes at him before turning my back on him and attempting to walk away. I didn’t get very far though as I stumbled slightly as I accidentally stepped on a rock that I didn‘t notice was in my path. I felt Adam steady me from behind and I sighed before kicking the rock to the side and turning around to face him.

“I don’t need your help.” I mumbled as I glanced down at Kade who hadn’t even stirred.

“Just let me take him for a minute Taylor, just incase you turn into the klutz I’ve always known you as being.”

I shot him a dirty look before raising an eyebrow, “And why do you care for my son’s well being?”

He shrugged before extending his arms out. I sighed as I bit my lip and contemplated before glancing down at Kade once more.

“Fine.” I replied shortly as I handed Kade over to Adam gently.

“He’s cute.” Adam said as he glanced down at Kade and back up to me, “He reminds me of someone.”

“I can’t imagine who.” I mumbled as we began walking once more.

[&]

“What is it with you and your split personalities?” I questioned as Adam and I made our way back to the buses. I’d say we’d been walking around for about an hour before we finally decided to head back, just talking about anything and everything. I hate to admit it, but I was actually enjoying his company which was one for the history books.

He shrugged in response, “It just happens. Some moments I think you’re alright then other moments needless to say I want to kill you.”

“Touché.” I laughed as he nudged me gently, careful not to wake Kade who was still in his arms.

“So are you nervous about today?” He questioned, glancing over at me.

I bit my lip as I felt my stomach flip and the nerves begin to kick in, I’d completely forgotten that it was the first Kids From The Summer show.

“You have no idea.” I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair.

“You’ll be fine, trust me.” He reassured.

“What was that? Words of encouragement?” I gasped dramatically.

“You’re cruising for a bruising.” He chuckled, “But you will be fine, Taylor.”

“We’ll see. If I pass out in front of everyone and make a complete fool out of myself I’m blaming you.”

“There won‘t be a reason to blame me, you’d be doing it all yourself.” He smirked.

“So much for the moral support.” I scoffed as he stopped dead, turning to face me.

“Taylor, I’m serious.” He said as he looked at me intently, “You’ll be fine.”

“I hope.” I chuckled as I cleared my throat.

“We’ll all be there to support you.”

“Wait, you’ll be there? you support me?”

“What can I say, you’re not that bad. Sometimes.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this as I’m sure it’ll change sooner rather than later, but vice versa.”

[&]

“I gave him a good ol’ smack across the face, his cheek is still red now.” Alex smiled triumphantly, leaning back in her chair opposite me in Hit The Light’s bus. We’d just arrived at Orlando, Florida after what felt like a never ending and intense bus ride. As Adam and I went our separate ways hours ago prior I couldn’t help but feel everything was going to go back to the way it was, and I knew I wouldn’t be wrong there.

“I think he learnt his lesson.” I chuckled as Kade began to wriggle around in my lap.

“Kid, can’t you sit still?” I said, an amused expression making it’s way across my face as he narrowed his eyes at me.

“I want to go for a walk!” He exclaimed as he began bouncing up and down once more.

“What is it with you and walks? I’m not taking you again, you fell to sleep on the last one and left me alone.” I sighed dramatically as I messed up his hair.

“You had Adam!” He giggled.

“Adam?” Alex questioned as she raised an eyebrow at me.

I rolled my eyes, “Kade asked Adam to accompany us on our walk, and much to my dismay and utter surprise he did.” I shrugged.

She nodded before clapping her hands together and standing up, “We need to practise, we’re on in two hours.”

I nodded as I hugged Kade to me tightly, I felt bad about leaving him but I knew he was in good hands as Colin was looking after him whilst Taking Back Sunday performed and Matt was taking him whilst Hit The Lights performed, and they’d bring him over whilst we performed. I felt unbelievably guilty about not seeing either bands perform but I suppose it was what it was.

“Be good for Colin and Matt okay kid? I love you.” I grinned as I kissed his cheek as he tightened his grip around my neck before squeezing me and removing his arms.

“I love you too Mommy.” He giggled as Colin and Hayden suddenly appeared together.

I raised an eyebrow, “What’s going on here then?” I joked, making the situation very uncomfortable for my own satisfaction.

“Fuck off, Taylor.” Hayden scoffed playfully.

I gasped playfully and stood up before telling Kade I loved him one last time before making my way off the bus with Alex.

“Are you ready to party?!” Jake grinned as he hugged me tightly.

“If by party you mean throw up with nerves, yep I’m ready.” I joked as I hugged him back before retracting my arms.

“How’s your face, Nick?!” Alex yelled over to her brother who was stood talking with Justin and Halvo before shooting her a glare.

I glanced over at his cheek, noticing the bright red mark that remained there after Alex had hit him previously. I scoffed, trying to hold in my laughter.

The three of us made our way over to the three of them slowly. I bit my lip, trying to hold back any smart ass remarks, not that it helped, not one little bit.

“Nice mark you got there.” I smirked as he shot me a glare.

“Bite me.”

“I don’t think you’d want another red mark now, do you?” I joked, winding him up even more.

“You’re such a pain in the ass!” He exclaimed as he tackled me to the floor.

“Fight! Fight! Fight!” Halvo and Justin chanted in unison as Nick and I continued to roll around on the floor.

“Get the fuck off me!” I exclaimed as I began to hit him, “You better watch I don’t give you a black eye.” I scoffed as I pushed him off me.

“Remind me again why I tolerate you?” Nick mumbled as he rubbed his arm where I’d previously punched him.

“Because I’m your sisters band mate, and I’m too cool for you.”

“Too cool-”

“Halvo, don’t even go there.” I smirked as he frowned in response before flipping me off.