The Town's Been Talkin'

The amount of fucks that were given about my wardrobe on this fine morning there weren’t anything. The previous night was spent after my brother’s show was me and him sort of spilling our emotions and some secrets. As much as I wanted to tell him about the girl I was before the relationship with John, I couldn’t the words were ready to be said, there just at the back of my throat. The tears formed but what slipped was another wave of mixed emotions, my brother seeing this instantly hugged me. I just wanted to know why I couldn’t tell my brother.

I felt like a mess from head to toe, I matched with my outfit of sweats, and a sweater and messy pony tail along with Converse. I no longer felt sad about not telling my brother more like the feeling was eating me from the inside out. I was long dying to know if was going to be looked at differently from my brother’s point of view or was he no longer going to consider me that sweet girl.

On the drive to the next venue wherever that was, I sat in the same spot leaning up against the same window. I was already welcoming the burning heat from the window; I had altogether forgotten that it was raining. My eyes were glued to the back of the seat in front of me, the material kind of moving whenever John moved around, I couldn’t believe that was actually fascinated by it.

The van came to a stop, allowing my eyes drift from the seat to the window, all the guys rushing into gas station as the driver followed suit to most likely pay for gas. The rain was light but still keeping the people around rushing for some shelter. I heard a sigh being made; I looked forward staring into the colored eyes of John.

“You’ve been really quiet, are you okay?” He asked and rested his chin on his arm, giving that half charming smile.

I inhaled deeply and shrugged my shoulders, “I suppose.” I breathed.

“You’re not pregnant are you?”

“Yes John, I am pregnant.” I sort of snapped and rolled my eyes.

“Whoa, I was only kidding, Sele. What the hell is wrong with you?” John said climbing over the bench seat and placing himself next to me.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m just not really feeling up to joking around.” I stated with my eyes glued to the window.

“Yeah, I can tell. What’s going on in your mind, love?” John asked nicely, his tone was kind of making my heart melt. John just asking me what was wrong made my heart melt. I felt his fingers move along my jaw line, possibly trying to grab my attention or just showing me that he cared.

“It’s just eating me up inside, John.” I said fighting the urges of crying all over again. I swallowed hard and looked over to him.

“What is?”

“How I was in the beginning of tour, I was being easy and I wasn’t being myself…” I started off and took a deep breath.

“That’s still bugging you?” John questioned like it probably the stupidest thing to fuss over. I felt his fingers move to the back of my neck tickling my skin slightly, his fingers started to play with my half fast pony tail.

“Yes it’s still bugging me, John.” I said and looked down at my lap. “I’m just scared of what my brother would think of me.” I continued.

“You don’t have to tell him anything, that’s your business. Besides we already discuss this, in some way it is both our faults.”

“Both our faults, now it’s both our faults? What happened to it being just you?” I asked and slapped his hand away from my hair.

“I wasn’t the only one part taking in that little romance, Selene. You could’ve had the will power to push my drunken ass away.” John said with frown.

“Well you could’ve had the will power to not come to me when you wanted to lay over someone!” My voice rose. I turned in my seat to face my boyfriend, the red in his face was growing and it was weird that I could feel it on my own face.

“Did you ever think that if you told Kennedy about what happened, that he would be beyond fucking pissed with the both of us? It could lead to him not talking to you, or him and me getting into some fight.” John’s voice rose as well, he grabbed onto the seat mirroring my movements, facing me as well.

“Why couldn’t we discover our feelings like a normal boy and girl? The typical outburst of bottled up feelings would’ve been just fine!” I said throwing my arms in the air and letting them fall onto my lap kind of hard.

“Because that’s not us, we’re not that typical boy and girl. We’re John and Selene the boy and girl who went through a bit hell to figure out that they were in fucking love with each other.” John said, only with a softer tone. His eyes locked with my own, never looking away.

“In love with each other…. I’m not in love with you.” I said lying, completely lying, absolutely lying.

“Well,” He started stuttering slightly, unsure how to continue with his sentence. “I’m… I’m not in love with you either.” He snorted and looked away.

“You’re such a lair; you are in love with me.” I teased, it brought a smile to my face to know that I was now teasing and not mobbing.

“I am not,” John said bringing his attention back to me. “I don’t love you, I don’t.”

“Are you sure?” I let the curl form at the end of my lips.

“No. Fuck, whatever… I’m going to confess that I am in love with you, I don’t know for how long but I know it’s been a while.” John admitted.

I moved closer, the needed space to lean in and kissed the boyfriend I seemed to find truly amazing. When our lips met I felt better, I didn’t get how he did it. I didn’t understand how he could just erase all the bad and unwanted emotions from my entire body. This guy had something powerful in him, and I wasn’t really planning on giving him out, I didn’t want to share the power he held.

When our lips parted his hand rested on my cheek, his fingers curled slightly and then slid down my jaw line to my chin. He brought my lips back to his and pressed a kiss that probably meant more than any of the others. The cloudy feeling that was in my stomach was replaced by the butterflies and birds that flew freely.

“I have a confession to make.” I mumbled against his lips and pulled away slightly. I opened my eyes to look over his face.

“What’s that?” He asked in one breath.

“I confess that I’m in love with you.” I said and watched the smile grow on his lips.

“I think this relationship is going to work out just fine,” John said with that beautiful smile. “And if you really have the need to tell Kennedy about us, how we were then I’m fine with it. I don’t want it bugging you forever.”

“I want to, but I’m just really scared on how he’ll take it, I don’t want to be hated or seen differently.” I said and rested my forehead against his.

“You won’t be seen differently, babe.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re his sister, and he probably won’t be happy about it but he’ll come to realize that you were just being a human and we make mistakes.” John said with a very comforting tone.

“You weren’t a mistake, and I didn’t regret it. I just don’t like how this came to be.”

“All I’m saying is if you really want to tell him, then tell him and I’ll be there with you if you want,” John said with a deep breath.

I nodded somewhat to John and got my few more seconds of time with him before the guys piled back into the van. I lost John to Jared and Patrick who sat in front of us, but it didn’t bug me it just gave me time to think this over.

I did not want to the past to eat me alive nor did I want it to ruin what John and I had going. There was a lot of tugging and pulling going on, and I was either going to sink or swim. I spotted my brother looking at me from the passenger seat; his goofy smile earned him a giggle.

Gosh, I just couldn’t help but worry that he would think of me differently. There was only one way of finding out is by doing another confession and tell my brother of my past.