The Town's Been Talkin'

It’s been a few days and the guys had a day off, the weather was crappy. The air was too cold and it was sending bad chills down on my spine, I managed to steal one of John’s sweaters which he knew he was not going to get back. With both his and my own sweater I was plenty warm, but still it didn’t stop the bitter feeling in my stomach. John knew how I felt about this whole situation but it obvious he wasn’t going to go further than, ‘Everything is going to be okay.’ And how reassuring he makes it sound when he says it too. It just earns him the roll of my eyes.

Everyone has their breaking point and I was already reaching mine. It never came to mind that this would be bothering me as much as it did. I snapped out of my train of thought when there were fingers snapping in face, I shook my head slightly and slapped my brother’s hand away. I looked away from the window I sat next to in the café.

“Eat,” Kennedy demanded with a mouthful of his own order of food. It was just me and my brother; the other guys were at the hotel resting up. “Come on, Sel. Eat, you haven’t been eating.”

“I have,” I mumbled and picked at the food that was laid out in front of me. I put a piece of the pancake in my mouth and chewed it slowly.

“What’s going on with you lately?”

“Nothing,” I mumbled again and pushed the eggs around my plate.

“You’re a bad lair,” Kennedy said and kicked me lightly under the table. I shot my eyes up at him and frowned deeply. “See, what I mean? You’re different.”

“I’m not different.” I stated trying to make myself believe that as well.

“What’s going on?” He asked softly finally putting down his fork.

“Nothing, I’m just in a bad funk.” I answered and sighed deeply. I crossed my arms over the surface of the table and brought my attention back to the window.

“Is John treating you okay?” I could hear the concern in his tone and it was bringing me closer to telling him everything. I nodded to his question. “Do you miss being home?” He continued to ask and I shrugged. I heard the sigh escape from him bringing my attention to him. “Come on, sis. You have to give me more than that.”

“Um,” I started and already I could feel the nerves in my stomach and the lump in my throat. “It’s… it’s not that easy to say.” I mumbled and licked at my lips in some hope of encouragement.

“Okay…” Kennedy sounded unsure.

“This might be stupid, and I may be overreacting.” I looked over to him and swallowed hard. “I don’t know why its eating me up inside but it is. Well John and I…” I had only started.

“Oh god, you’re pregnant.” Kennedy said sounding mad.

“No, Gees. Wait until I’m finished!” I said a bit snappy.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, continue.”

I rolled my eyes in annoyance; I had built up a bit of the courage only for it to be wasted. I sighed deeply and brought my hands to my face, “Before John and I got together, and we were sleeping with each other. Well more of him sleeping with me when he was drunk.” I sounded blunt and I regretted it the moment I saw Kennedy’s face through my fingers.

“So you’re telling me you’re the girl he’s messed around with when he was drunk?” Kennedy asked.

“Yeah,” I answered and dropped my hands from my face and watched my brother closely.

“Selene, I high fived the dude every time I heard that he got a laid!” He leaned over the table a bit, his voice sounding mad and harsh. “I didn’t know it was my own sister! I didn’t know my own sister was that type of girl to drop at the sound of John’s zipper unzipping.”

“I wasn’t, I’m not!” I said and felt my bottom lip quiver. I quickly covered it with my hand and watched my brother with watery eyes. “I wanted to tell you before, but I figured it wouldn’t matter.” I whispered.

“It wouldn’t matter?” He asked sounding surprised. “How would it not matter? I didn’t take you as that kind of girl, Selene. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I don’t know,” I answered in a low tone as I felt a tear slip. “I don’t know, okay? I thought it wouldn’t turn out this way and I didn’t have to tell you. I didn’t think I was going to end up with him.”

“You knew he was only using you for one thing, he didn’t see the things you saw!” Kennedy snapped.

“Maybe I was using him as well!”

“No, you weren’t Selene.”

“You don’t know that, Kennedy!”

Kennedy shook his head and took a really deep breath, “Yes, I do know that. You’re not that girl. You’re better than that.”

“He told me he was starting to like me, and he kept doing it thinking it would fade.” I explained and wiped at my eyes.

“John made you look like a damn idiot. He got what he wanted on both ends. He got sex out of you and made you think he cared for you.”

“And what now, he doesn’t care? He’s just putting up this face so he doesn’t have to look like an asshole?” I asked and stared at Kennedy through the blurry vision I had.

“I honestly don’t know what he’s trying to do, but I’m not going to tell you what to do.” Kennedy said, he leaned back into the chair and stared at the table.

I sniffed a bit and stared at him before bringing my eyes down to the table as well. I was scared to talk to him; I didn’t mean to disappoint him. I opened to mouth to speak but nothing came out. I kept my mouth shut for the mean time. We both finished our meals; well I picked at mine and headed out once paying. I walked next to him quietly, the sleeves of John’s sweater sliding over my hands.

“Kennedy?” I mumbled lightly and looked up at him.

“What?” He asked sounding out of it.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s not my life you’re ruining.” He said a bit harsh before picking up his pace and walking ahead of me.

I didn’t know how to handle this, but I was expecting it. My emotions were everywhere and my thoughts were long ago. The only emotion that really stuck with me was confusion. I didn’t know how to see John; I didn’t know how to deal with anything. I just knew I had to get my mind cleared. My way to the hotel was a blur and the next thing I knew I was pushing passed John to get to my room. His calls were distant and then muffled by the close of the door of my room. I took off my shoes and the two sweaters carelessly letting them fall to the ground.

My body was slide under the covers of the bed and my arms were hugging the extra pillow. My emotions were now hitting me. I didn’t know if I either hated John or needed him, I didn’t know if I could trust him or could get over him. I tried to find that normal need for John but it was fading and it was also unknown. Again, I wasn’t sure if I was glad or pissed about it.