Cutting.

I remember how the rain pounded down that day. How the storm had seemed to appear out of no where. Running into the hospital, I ran into her. She was younger than me, looked about thirteen. She had long, straight, dark brown hair. Lightly tanned skin, and the most innocent looking eyes you have probably ever seen. I look her up and down. She is wearing a pink top with spaghetti straps, with her breasts just starting to blossom, probably a medium sized B. Finally, she had on a nice blue colored pair of skinny jeans.

"Here" I say, picking up her bag for her (I literally ran into her, and she fell over), "you dropped this."

"Thank you." She replies sweetly, her cool green eyes studying me.

"Anytime" I say, returning her smile with one of my own. My smile widens when i notice her bag has a System of a Down sticker stuck to it.

"I hope you weren't here because you hurt yourself." I say, before she has the chance to leave.

"No," She says "I like to visit the sick patients, make them feel better."

Their is an awkward silence as I think of a goodbye. No way am I trying to get with someone like that. Not that isn't great and all, but, she would want me to go also. Which would make me severely depressed.

"Did you actually think i was serious?" She blurts out, breaking out into a huge smile.

I never did actually find out why she was their that day. However, we did keep talking. Maybe, just maybe, if i hadn't got her name (Lacey), or if I had forgotten it, I would not be here today. Maybe I would not be sitting here, talking to myself.

She had given me her number. I was sick, i was so worried. She said her current phone was broken, so don't text her for a week, That was a little suspicious for me, but then the number was: 276-2626. I had absolutely no faith that this was a real number, but i still sent her a message in a week.

"Hey," It said "its Ryan."

After a few minutes of agony, i got the reply.

"Hey! :)" it read.

I smiled to myself as a week long debate about if Narwhals are real began (She didn't believe they were). By the time it was over (we agreed to disagree) we were very good friends, and a few weeks later we decided to meet up.

I sat on the park bench. It was a large all-wood park, complete with mulch instead of padding or grass. I sighed heavily. It had been a very rough week, and i had cut alot more than i ever have before. In fact, seven new cuts adorned my wrists. Four on my left, and three on my right.

"Gimme your money!" cried a voice from behind me. I jump and it laughs. Quickly I whip my head around, and i see its Lacey.

"My God, you gave me a scare" I say, returning her ever-bright smile.

Wearing her black hoodie, and white tee-shirt, covered partly by a black lacey top, made her look absolutlery magnificent. Not to mention she completed the outfit with a pair of comfortable looking jeans, blue and purple striped socks, flip-flops, and finally black eyeliner, that made her big, pure looking eyes look all the more amazing.

"Ive never been to this park before." She comments, her smile slowly lessening.

"Well." I reply, "You should definitely come more often. Its really fun." I then offer her a seat next to me, and say "You look amazing today."

She smiles once again, and we talk some more. We talk about everything. About life, about death, about Narwhals, and we talk about waffles. After a while, i decide to play around with her. While shes not looking i steal her phone off of the bench next to her.

So we continue to talk about more random things, and she still doesn't notice. Finally after a while she begins to look around. First she checks all over the bench where we're sitting. Then her hands go to her pocket. After that she looks underneath it, on the grass (We were sitting right outside the park, were their was grass, instead of mulch).

"Have you seen my pho-" she begins, but abruptly stops when she looks up and sees the wide grin on my face."Oh no, you didn't!" she says in a failed attempt to sound ghetto, as she makes a grab for me. I quickly dart away, laughing all the way.

She smiles and chases after me. This goes on for awhile, until i trip, and she lands on top of me.

"Wow, this is awkward." I say with a smile, because her face is right above mine, and her legs are spread over my crotch.

"So?" She replies. We just sit their for a bit. In that awkward/awesome position. That's when the end started.

"Did your cat scratch you or something?" Lacey asks, staring at the part of my wrist exposed from underneath my hoodie sleeve.

"Um... no." comes my reply.

"Then what happened?" she inquired pulling up my sleeve. She just sat their, silently staring at my wrists. Staring at the criss-crossing scars clearly evident upon my wrists.

"Yeah..." I say,

"Why, why would you, why would anyone do that to themselves?" She said, staring now, at my face. Looking completely astonished.

"I cant explain," I say. "It makes me feel better. Like, I don't know."

We sit their some more. Her expression unreadable

Out of no where, she speaks. "Can you do me a favor?" She asks, as she leans down to kiss me. Our lips meet, and an explosion of emotions hit me. Mainly happiness, and surprise. However, i cant say my teen libido wasn't mixed in their somewhere. Then, I close my eyes. I never close my eyes whenever i kiss, so this surprises me, but- it seems right.

I roll us over, so that i am now laying on top of her. In between her legs.

"You alittle happy?" she asks, with a giggle, noticing that she is being poked in her crotch.

"Maybe." I reply with a smile. Lacey seems to sober up again and this time, shes back to my cutting.

"Just promise me, you'll stop cutting."

With those big innocent green eyes staring up at me, i felt something big inside of me. With those eyes that have never seen pain, nor misery, nor hate, I could not refuse her request. I couldn't hurt her.

That was truly the beginning of the end. Maybe if she had not seen my cuts, or had not made that request, I would still be human. At least more human than I am now. Maybe I would not be about to end it all, as we, or maybe just I, sit here and talk.

We than began to date. Her, making me sure i never slipped up, no matter how bad things began to get. Surprisingly, after a while, things did begin to get better. I had someone to talk to, so I did not need to resort to cutting. Plus me and Lacey got along perfectly. I was even the first one to finger her. I don't think that i will ever forget her face when i started. Nor, whenever i finished her. She looked so cute, with her ever growing breasts, and innocent eyes.

Unfortunately, it didn't last. I began to get terrible stomach aches. then, Lacey and I had our first fight. She had begun to annoy me, and i started talking to her less and less. And I think that's where this stemmed from.

"Where you staring at those girls ass's!?" Lacey asked me in a pouty voice.

"No," i replied, "Why would i do that? I have you." when, I was, in fact, staring at those girls ass's. However, it shouldn't matter. I was only looking. Right?

"Yes you were!" she complains angrily, stomping her foot.

"OK, so maybe I was. So what? What harm is that going to do." I say, in a very I don't care manner. Her eyes widening in surprise.

"Why would you do that?" she asks me, in a low, hurt voice. "Especially after i let you," she looks at the ground in embarrassment "do things with me. Why?"

"So what if i did stuff with you, people do that kind of things all the time!?" I shout without thinking. Then she walks away, and i just sit their, on the park bench.

We ended up making up, after the fight, but things were never the same. She seemed alittle more careful around me, and we hung out alot less.

Their were more arguments, and my stomach got worse. However, it only ever hurt when i was alone. When other people were around, it went away. Almost immediately. Unfortunately though, my stomach was just the beginning of my problems. Then came headaches, and then their were joint aches, fatigue, insomnia, and i was always hungry, but only when i was alone.

I think alot of the arguments must of stemmed from my problems. I was in pain, so nothing seemed fun. So I then was terribly to Lacey. I told her, about my problems, but i don't think she ever believed me. She said she did, but think about it. Would you believe someone if they said that?

Then came the day i got the text. My dad had left for a business trip for a few hours ago. I was laying on my bed, keeled over in pain. Not making me feel any better was the thought that he was not going to be back for a three days.

My phone vibrated inside my pocket. I ignore it. My pain is so great i don't what to move to grab it. It vibrates again. I moan with a combination of anger and pain. After the third time, I decide to bear the pain and see what was going on. It was three pages of text from Lacey. They read:
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Ryan.
I know that you really like me, and i do to. well i did. but i think that we have been fightn to much lately. what with the grls asses, and thn the idea tht u might be cheatn on me, is well, unbearable. i feel like im going to pull my hair out any second. im too stressd all the time. and it all centrs around u. im not sayng its ur fault, but i dnt think we can work together. i think after u get over ur pains, and bcome alitle nicer, then we can difenatly try again. but for now, were done. so, txt me when that happns, until then, bye.
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The pain didn't come until a few seconds after i read the text. However, when it did come, it swelled up inside of me quick. Like a match to gasoline.I whipped the phone that i had been gripping with all my might against the wall. It shattered into three pieces. All my pain is gone, replaced by anger.

I pace the room. My face blank, my body numb. I'm completely powered by anger, it was my driving force. Suddenly, i get an idea. Cutting. Cutting is the solution. Running to the bathroom, i trip and stumble into the corner of the wall.

"Fuck!" I shout loudly.

My arm, feels broken, and their is a pretty deep cut in it, but the smell of blood reminds me of cutting, and it gives me the strength to continue. I get up and lurch to the door (either the anger or the fall had made my motor skills slow down). I fumble with the handle, and push it open. Down on my knees I fall, and I open the cabinets under the sink, and look around.

My hand goes to the bottle of Clorox. I lift it up, and almost burst into tears out of desperation. It wasn't their. My box knife wasn't their. I stand up so i can walk to the kitchen and get a large knife, and stumble. i just barely catch myself on the bathtub. I manage to walk out of the door, but trip, and i end up on the ground again.

I must've laid on that floor, bleeding out of my arm, for about half an hour, before it appeared. It came first as a red haze. Believing it to just be my eyes playing tricks on me, I rub them with my good hand, but it stays. I don't know how long i stared at it. All i know is that i realize that it is taking the shape of something. It almost looks like a man. It was wearing a grey business suit. Its hands, black, and twisted, resting on a brown walking cane. Underneath the brim of its likewise grey business hat, i could make out it's mouth. With just a quick glance, it looks to be black, but on closer inspection, I notice it is in fact rotting flesh.It seemed as though it stood their, watching me, for another half hour, until i worked up the courage to say anything.

"Wh- who are you?" i ask, my voice shaking.

"I," it replied "am part of you."

"What do you mean?" I inquired, a little braver than before.

"I, am your anger. I am all your rage. And i am here, to help you achieve your goal."

"What goal?"

"Oh, you just need to look into yourself to find that. You want revenge, right?" It said with an evil grin on its face. After what seemed like a few minutes, I speak again.

"What do i have to do?"

"Just let me come inside you, we will be one, once more."

I quickly accepted. My anger turns into the red haze again, quicker this time, and swirls above my head. Then it plunged down towards me, navigating itself into me, through my ears, nose, and mouth. The pain was like nothing i have ever felt before. Like my entire body was submerged into boiling water. My chest starts going into convulsions, and my eyes roll back into my head. When it stops i gaze out my window. I'm not sure what happened then, but the sun set and rose six times on the horizon, and the last time it rose, it was an eerie red.

I know what i have to do. My balance and motor skills have returned, so i jump to my feet. Walking towards the phone, i notice something on my dining room table. A knife. A silver ornate knife lays ling on the dining room table. Its handle was made of two metal snakes, intertwining around a stick, and on the blade were what seemed like words written in a different language. Picking it up, I notice its very heavy for its size, and very cool to the touch.

Smiling, i pick up the phone, and dial Lacey's number. It rings three times before she answers. Each one seemed to last forever.

"Hello?" Lacey asks uncertainly.

"Its Ryan." I say, trying to sound shook up.

"Oh!" she exclaims in surprise. "What number is this?" she asks hesitantly.

"My home phone." I reply.

"Well... what is it?"

"I just wanted you to come over and talk to me. I thought maybe we could try it again."

"I don't think so, not this soon." She replies quickly.

Smiling I say "Well at least let me apologize in person, for how i treated you."

After she agrees, i hang up the phone, and let loose a maniacal laugh. I sit down in an arm chair, with a perfect view of the door. Sitting for what seems like forever, I notice something odd on my arm. Where my gash was, from my fall earlier, was new skin. Except, it wasn't normal skin, it had a reddish hue to it, that wouldn't go away. However, i shrug it off and continue to wait. Staring forever at the door.

Someone knocks, and I know its Lacey. Come in i holler, without moving from my seat. Their is a pause, and then the door opens, revealing my ex-girlfriend. She is wearing grey sweat pants, and a black hoodie. Her hair, in a pony tail.

"Are you OK?" she asks quietly.

"No." I reply sternly. "Go on, sit on the couch" I say. She follows my instructions, turns around to walk to the couch, and I smile, as she plops herself down.

"I'm sorry-" She begins, but I cut her off.

'I know." I say, and now their is silence. "Would you like a drink?" I ask.

"Sure." She replies. She sounds scared.

"Good," I think "she should be scared." I get up and walk into the kitchen, where she cannot see me. Its almost impossible for me to control myself out of excitement. Coming back out, i hand her a glass of clear liquid. Its in a tall McDonald's 32oz. glass.

"Enjoy." I say quietly. She takes a large swing of it, and spits some of it out in surprise.

"What the hell is this!" She shouts angrily.

"Vodka." I reply, this time smiling right to her face.

"You know i don't drink!"

"I'm sorry," I reply, still with my smile. "Lacey, do you know what its like to cut yourself?" I continue.

"No," she replies "and i don't want to know."

"Well," I begin "your gonna find out."

I wish you could've seen the look on her face when i said that. Her wide innocent eyes, grew even bigger. Her mouth opened slightly in surprise, and she started to say something. However i didn't catch it, as i was gripping the knife I had hidden inside the chair cushion. The once cold metal was now burning up in my hand. I lunged out and stabbed her right above her shoulder blade. Its sound made my grin even wider.

"Do you like how if feels?" I ask. "Do you like the pain? Does it make you feel better? Is it a relief to you. Because this is what I was missing when I was with you. The amazing, beautiful release, that i shall now show you."

"What! No Ryan stop! Please!" She screams to me.

I slide the knife out of her, and I lick the blood off of the blade. It tastes like candy in my mouth.

Suddenly, the room changes. I am sitting, with Lacey, in a dark room. I gasp in surprize.

"Where am I?" I ask to the darkness. Lacey doesn't seem to notice the change, and asks me what the hell im talking about.

Just then, the red haze once again apears, signalling the arrival of the man in the suit. He appears, but he doesnt quite seem the same. This time he seems a bit skinnier, and more bent over. However, now he is grinning, and because of my position I can see his eyes. Bright yellow, are his eyes, with no whites, just yellow, and a cat-like pupil. Which very much stands out on his black, rotting skin.

"Where am I?" I repeat.

"Well, metaphorically speaking," he begins, "You're inside your chest."

"Then why is their nothing here?" I ask.

"Their once was a heart here," anger explains, "but Lacey stole it, and wont give it back."

"Why?"

"Because she hates you. She wants you to do whatever she says. And thats why she wont give it back, because she can use it as a hostage." anger anwsers.

"Who are you talking to!" Lacey screams at me in between sobs.

"Shut up, bitch!" I holler back. "So what should I do?" I ask anger.

"Well, obviously, you need to take her heart, since she has your." he replies.

So thats where im at now. As I tell my story outloud. I am here right now. Sitting in the dark room, with Laceys dead body infront of me. I wish you could've seen her die. The tears streaming down her face, begging for me to stop, as my hands rip open her chest. My hands, bloodied by her artieries.

Her eyes are now glass, staring up at my gleeful face for all eternity. Her hands and body, which was once so warm with life and love, is now cold by my doing. Her heart, which once was fueling her entire body, what once powered her amazing mind, I was consuming.

Now, I have her heart. She stole mine, so I took hers in return. She stopped me from cutting, so I cut her.

I lay here, bleeding out of my wrists. Above me anger is laughing, and Lacey is crying.