Second Chance

Annabelle’s POV

After I changed into something more comfortable, we headed back to the guys hotel so we can pick the rest of the guys up. I can’t go into an arena to see sweaty buff guys wrestle in a dress & 5 inches stilettos. “Why are you so nervous?” Matt asks me, eyeing my fidgeting hands. Fidgeting hands that I haven’t noticed. “You’ve been doing that all the way here” He adds. We are currently walking through the lobby of the 5 stars hotel. “Do you have a disorder or something?” He jokes & just crack a smile… well, barely-there smile. “Oh, let me guess… is it because of Brian?” He asks, so bluntly that I snap my head up to look at him. “Guess that answered my question” He says, as he turns to see that Johnny has stayed behind, talking on his phone. Probably with Lacey.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” I say, deciding to play the dementia card.

“Oh, come on, Anna. You can’t tell me everything is fine between you guys. Things are so fucked up between you guys that it’s beginning to affect every single one of us. & by the way he was hugging you that day & you were crying things must’ve gone downhill from there” He says & I turn to look at him confused. Why is he bringing all of this up right now? “He’s a mess. He barely eats, he doesn’t sleep at all, and he’s cranky all the time. I’ve never seen him like this before. Well… only once… right after you left” He says & all the memories that had been attacking my mind for the past few days come flooding back. “He has become more of an asshole than he already was. It’s getting to a point where we have to leave the room just so we don’t end up beating the shit out of each other. Don’t get me wrong, I love the dude, but he has the worst mood swings ever now” Matt says, pushing the elevator button to the top floor, a penthouse suite they rented for as long as they were planning on staying here in New York. “As for you, well… you get all squirmy & nervous & awkward… almost as if you don’t know us or just don’t want to hang with us anymore”

“Why are you telling me all this, Matt?” I’m really curious as to why is he talking about this all of the sudden & out of the blue.

“Because I know it’s been years since we’ve been together, all of us, & due to all the bullshit that came down between you & Brian before the wedding, things were meant to change, but I sometimes wish we could go back in time just so everyone could get along like we used. I miss that. I miss being able to play with you for countless hours until Val threaten with kicking me out, or Jeremy calling your mother so she could scowl you for missing another Sunday lunch because we stayed up playing until 8 AM & fell asleep on the couch. I really miss when we all got along. When we were-”

“A family” I cut him. He gives me a sad smile & nods his head yes. I look down, thinking & letting Matt’s words sink in. Behind his tough exterior, he’s the sweetest & most caring man I’ve ever met. & I thank him for always getting me down from whatever cloud I’m at, just to make me see that I need to stay grounded. He’s almost like my conscience. A conscience that I actually listen to most of the time. “I didn’t mean for you guys to be caught up in this mess, Matt. I’m sorry” I say, turning my head slightly so I can see his face. I never meant for this, all of this, to take a toll on them. I never stopped to think about them. All I could think of was Brian & I was so caught up in him, that I never once stopped to think about how hurting Brian, I was also hurting them.

“What happened that day, Anna?” He asks & I just sigh, closing my eyes, stopping my train of thoughts about self loathing. “What made you leave like that? Without saying goodbye to any of us?” He asks & I see in his hazel eyes that he’s really concerned about what happened that day. Not in a way of wanting to know for the pure sake of knowing. No, he was actually concerned about what went on that day. But I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t tell him that I asked Brian to not get married on his wedding day. So I did what I always do. I just give him a sad smile, letting him know that I don’t want, nor am I planning about talking about that. “Ok” He says in defeat after a second. The door opens & we step outside, walking the long hallway to his door. He opens the door & lets me step inside. I immediately see that since the girls are gone, the room is a mess. Boxes of pizza are scattered around, along with countless of beer bottles & red cups. Ashtrays full with cigarettes butts are lying everywhere & I immediately get the urge to not touch anything. I may be in potential risk of catching something here. “GUYS, WE’RE HERE” Matt screams, making me glare at him. He didn’t need to do that so close to me. He knows I hate it when he screams in such narrow spaces. “Sorry” He mutters, before walking into the living room. I walk inside & I’m greeted by a shirtless Zacky.

“Hey, Anna. I’ll be done in a second. I just need to find my other sock” He says, making me look at his feet to see one clothed & the other bare. I don’t know how he even have the balls to walk through this floor barefoot.

“Well, if you guys cleaned up a little, I’m sure you wouldn’t have a fucking problem with finding missing articles of clothes” I say. He just gives me a playful glare, before continuing roaming the room for his missing sock. I’m left alone in the living room & I walk to the phone, deciding to call room service so they can send someone to clean this mess up while we’re gone. As I dialed the number for the front desk, I catch something with the corner of my eyes. I turn to see an open door, leading to a balcony.

“Hello?” I hear someone say at the other side of the phone line, before I hang up, walking to the door. I step out & see Brian standing by the railing, a cigarette dangling from his fingers, while he stares at the view. I don’t know why, but I walked up to him, standing beside him & staring into the horizon too. Not a word is spoken & I’m perfectly fine with that. I know a million things are running through my mind & so many things are unspoken between the two of us, but at a moment like this, a moment where we can be standing next to each other, without screaming or being at each other’s throat, is a moment I’ll always cherished.

“I can see why you fell in love with New York. It’s so beautiful here” He says after a couple of minutes, taking a drag from his cigarette. I let out a small chuckle. New York is really beautiful… but it will never compare to Huntington. Huntington is perfect. Just perfect. “& I can see why you fell in love with John” He says. Hearing him mention John’s name made my blood turn cold & my body tense up. “It’s ok, Belle. I’m not gonna give you shit for being with him… again” He says, noticing the sudden change in my body language. “I actually think it’s pretty ballsy for him to call & ask us for us to distract you. It shows how much he cares about you” He says, turning to look at me. I turn to look up at his eyes. They have lost their shine. They are a dull brown. I can see the bags under his eyes, letting me know he hasn’t been sleeping well. He actually looks a lot skinnier. He must’ve lost weight. “Stop scrutinizing me. I’ll get over it” He says, almost as if he was reading my mind.

“I want things to be the way they were before all this” I say, taking the newly lit cigarette from his hand & taking a drag. He stares at me.

“Don’t do it” He says, taking the cigarette back. “It’ll never suit you. You’re better than to kill yourself with these things” He says, motioning the little cancer stick, before placing it on his lips. After a couple of seconds, I speak again.

“I mean it, Brian. I want my best friend back. I need you back” I say, Matt’s words echoing in my head. “I know you said that things will never be the same & I agree. But I know that we can work through this. I mean, we’re old enough to realize that what happened was a mistake. & that you learn from your mistakes”

“It wasn’t a mistake, Belle” He says, turning around so that he’s leaning with his back on the railing at the balcony. “When you make a mistake, you regret it. I don’t. I don’t regret a single fucking second. I know you do, but I’ll never consider us a mistake, because if I could do it again… I’ll do it in a heartbeat” He says, his voice so flat, letting me know that he wasn’t angry or jealous, or trying to knock some sense in me. He was just speaking his mind. He was just letting me know what he’s feeling. “It was a shitty timing, I’ll give you that. But please, stop calling it a mistake” He says, looking at me & I just stare deeply at his hollow brown eyes. I look down, ashamed of making him this way. He’s not the overconfident man he once was. He’s in a very dark place right now. & it’s all my fault.

“Brian, I-” But he cuts me off before I even finish.

“It’s ok, Belle. I don’t want your sympathy. What I want is what you’re giving John” He says & I feel a tug at my heart. Why can’t I tell him that I consider us a mistake either? Because I don’t. I do believe that what happened was meant to happen. I didn’t like the ending, but everything happens for a reason. If I would’ve stayed, I would’ve never met John & gotten engaged. I wouldn’t have what I have now… my own life, a successful career & a loving fiancé.

You would’ve had the same but with Brian & you know it Says the small voice inside my head. The little voice that I keep shushing every time it comes with a smart reply.

“I’m happy that you’re happy, Belle” He says, pulling me to him, wrapping one of his arms around my shoulders. “I really am. & I think we can make this friendship work again” He adds & I look up at him. I smile because I’m happy to have him in my life again. I’m happy that I’m gonna be able to call him or be around him & not feel awkward or out of place. “We might have to take baby steps, but we’ll get there. I assure you that” He says, as I lay my head on his shoulder. Yes, I reach his shoulder even when I’m not wearing heels… but only because he is slouched a bit.

“You have no idea how happy that makes me, Brian. I missed you. I missed having you in my life, even if you were a pain in the ass” I say & he laughs. It’s the first time since I saw him that I’ve heard him laugh. I know I wasn’t a reason for him to smile anymore, nor I had given him one to do it. I feel great to know that I, at least, have given him that back.

“I’m still a pain in the ass. That never changed, Belle” He says, running his hand up & down my arm. I nod & secretly smile, biting the corner of my bottom lip. It feels great to hear him call me Belle again. It feels great to be close to him & know that he’ll be there for me whenever I need him again. It feel fantastic to know that I have my Brian back.

“Guys, we’re leaving” Zacky says, popping his head through the open door. We nod & Brian kisses the top of my head, before we start walking inside the room again… his arm around my shoulder & my arm around his waist. & I wouldn’t have it any other way.