Second Chance

Annabelle’s POV

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around & desert you

I stir, listening to my awful ringtone. Ok… I might be obsessed with Rick Astley, but I’ll keep denying it as long as I live. I feel John’s arm tightly against my waist. I start searching for my phone, not wanting to wake him up. I bend halfway down from the bed to grab my jeans, listening to the sound coming from there. I pick up, not even paying attention to the caller ID. But I don’t think I would’ve been able to figure out who it is, since I can’t really see straight yet from all the sleepiness. “Hello” I answer in a groggy voice.

“Hey, Belle” I listen to Brian’s voice. That instantly woke me up. I pry myself away from John’s arms, taking the thin white sheet with me to help me cover my naked body. I walk to the bathroom, closing the door, not before giving a final glance back at John’s sleeping form.

“Hey, Brian. What’s up?” I ask him, sitting down on the closed toilet.

“Not much really. Wanted to know if you’re up to grabbing some breakfast with me this fine cold morning” He says. I laugh. Here in Vegas it’s so hot. “I know you’re not a morning person, but can you please make an exception? For me?” He says & I can almost see the pout in his face & his brown eyes blinking rapidly.

“I would love to, but I’ll rain check on that one” I say, running a hand through my hair, just to get my fingers tangled right in the middle of it. Damn John & his grabby hands.

“Oh” He says & I hear his disappointment.

“It’s not that I don’t want to” I quickly say. “I’m not in New York right now” I say, biting the corner of my lip.

“Where the hell are you?” He asks. It might be my just recent awaken state, but I can assure that I just heard anger in his voice. An anger that can totally be misinterpreted with jealousy.

“I’m in Vegas” I say, stifling a yawn. I don’t even know what hour it is.

“Vegas? What are you doing there?” He asks again. I stay silent for a minute.

How do I explain to him the motives of my trip here? How can you explain to someone that loves you with all their being that you’re in Vegas to get married to someone else? How am I supposed to tell Brian that I’m in Vegas because John & I are eloping? There’s no way I’ll be able to explain that to him. But I can’t lie to him either. He’s way too important to me for me to lie to him like that. He’s my best friend for fuck’s sake.

“Belle? Hello?” I hear him say again. I guess I must’ve stayed silent way too long.

“Yeah, I’m here” I say.

“What are you doing there?” He asks again.

“Um… John & his band have this show & he wanted me to come here to see them. With my hectic schedule & him touring constantly, it’s kinda hard to spend time together. You know how it is” I say, lying straight through my teeth. I instantly feel this guilty feeling wash all over my body.

Great way to start building your relationship again, Annabelle The little voice says.

“Oh” He says in a sad tone, adding more load on my guilt ride.

“Brian, don’t” I say, closing my eyes for a second. The last thing I want is for him to make me feel worse than I feel for not being able to tell him the truth. & I don’t want him to start feeling like crap either.

“No, its ok, Belle” He say, before letting out a small chuckle. “At least you’re not getting married” He says in a jokingly tone, laughing. I freeze at his words. We stay silent for a couple of minutes. God knows what’s going on inside his head. In mine, thoughts are reeling faster than anything. “Well… I guess I’ll let you go back to sleep. Take care & I’ll talk to you when you get back. Bye” He says, not even giving me a chance to reply to him. I place my phone in the bathroom counter & standing to see my reflection. I don’t look bad. Not at all. But I feel like something is missing. That there’s a part of me that’s missing & it’s making me feel incomplete… not satisfied with my mirrored image. I sigh, opening the door & walk back to John. He’s still fast asleep. As soon as I lay down by his side, his arm wraps carefully around my waist, pulling me closer to his chest. I can feel his light breath hitting the back of my neck, giving me a slight tickle. I let out a big sigh, before closing my eyes in an attempt to go back to sleep. After a couple of minutes of trying, I give up, but don’t get up. I might as well enjoy my time in John’s arms before we’re husband & wife.

*~*~*

I stand behind a close door, a couple of flowers in my hand, courtesy of the little express chapel. John is standing inside, waiting for his bride. “Are you ready?” A nice middle age woman asks me, coming to stand beside me. I give her a small smile. More like a doubtful smile. “It’s ok to be nervous” She says with a nice big smile. Her smile only gets me more nervous. “Are you sure you don’t want us to rent you a white dress. We have all sizes” She says. I shake my head no. The last thing I want is to be wearing a used old dress that God knows how many drunken girls have worn. “Ok. The minute the music start playing, you walk in” She says, giving me the instructions on how this was gonna go down. After a couple of minutes of her talking she lets out a big breath. “I always admire the people that get married this way, you know. It takes a lot of courage for someone to do this by themselves. 90% of the couples that does this are drunk & not knowing what they’re doing. It’s kinda admirable that you guys are willingly doing this. It just shows how much you love each other. I guess you can call it a private memory. What’s more personal than that, right?” She says, placing her hand on my shoulder. She gives it a reassuring squeeze, before walking away. I cast my eyes down & start thinking about what I’m about to do. Do I really want my wedding to be this way? Do I really want to have this as a memory of the most important day of my life?

No.

I don’t want to walk down a poorly lit aisle by myself. I want to walk down the aisle in my father’s arm. I want to walk down the aisle with a beautiful white dress & see the happy faces of all my family & friends there. I want to share this special occasion with them. I don’t want to keep that from them. I don’t want to be a selfish bitch that’s gonna keep a moment like this away from them. To keep this memory to myself. To look back in a couple of years & not seeing them there. I want to be surrounded by the people that give a shit about me & my happiness. I don’t want to get married surrounded by strangers that don’t give a flying fuck about me or John. They’re just doing their job. I don’t want it be like this. I don’t want to fill an album with pictures taken by a crappy camera, a fucking Polaroid.

All of a sudden I hear some music playing & the doors opened up to reveal a chubby guy at the ‘altar’ in a black suit & blue shirt, ready to perform another wedding. & then I see John, looking at me with so much love & happiness. He’s eager to do this, but I’m not.

“Go” The lady says, giving me a slight push. I start walking awkwardly down the hall, cuz it can barely be called an aisle, seeing other awaiting couples sitting on the pews. I feel my legs tremble. I’m scared they’re gonna give up on me anytime now & I’m gonna fall face first. My breathing comes out in short pants as I feel an anxiety attack building up. I reach the end & stand in front of John. He smiles at me & just lose it. Before the ‘minister’ or whatever this dude is called, I start speaking.

“I’m sorry” I say. “I’m sorry, John. I can’t do this” I say & I see his face fall.

“Annabelle-“ He starts before I interrupt him again.

“I know I said I wanted this, but I don’t. I want my ridiculous white puffy dress. I want a long, delicate veil on my head, maybe a tiara. I want to get married in a church filled with my family & friends. Filled with your family & friends. I want to have thousands of flowers decorating the room. I want my father to give me up. I want a colorful bouquet, not 4 miserable flowers in my hand” I say, panting from my ranting & waving the flowers in my hand. “I don’t have my something borrowed, something blue, something new & something old. I want your eyes to pop out of their sockets when you see me walking down the aisle in a beautiful dress. I’m not even wearing anything white right now, except for these horrible flowers” I say & I see the chubby guy give a look. “I’m sorry. They’re beautiful” I say, giving him a false apology. I turn my attention to John again. “I love you, John. I seriously do. & I want to marry you… but not like this” I say & I see a smile appear on his face.

“It’s ok, Bellie. If you want all of that… that’s what you’ll get” He says, stepping closer to me & grabbing my hands in his. “You deserve that & so much more. If I have to wait another couple of months, or a year… I don’t care. I want to make you happy. & if having the wedding of your dreams is gonna do that… then I’m more than happy to give it to you” He says, kissing my hands first & then placing a small kiss on my forehead. “I love you, that’s not gonna change” He says, wrapping his arms around me, nuzzling his face on my neck. I let out a sigh of relief. He pulls away & locks eyes with me. “You’ve been dreaming this day for your whole life. You have it pictured in your mind how you wanted it to be. Who you want there by your side. I’ll just be honored to be the one you’ll be walking out of that church with… as my wife. That’s all I ask” He says & I smile. He’s so sweet & caring. He’s always trying to make me happy, obliging to every single one of my desires. How can you not love this man?

Cuz he’s not Brian. Don’t kid yourself, Annabelle. He’s not the one you’ve been picturing leaving as husband & wife with… Brian is & you know it The little voice pops in. & I feel something inside me change. Something starts to build up again… against my will. Feelings that I’ve been keeping locked deep inside myself. Feelings that I haven’t allowed myself to think about in a long while. Feelings that I thought I had forgotten already. Feelings that only Brian could bring out in me. The feeling I got the night he came to my parents house… the feeling I got when he first kissed… the feeling of being in love… with him.

Oh shit… I can’t be falling in love with him again. I just can’t.